| Subject: diagnosed with schizophrenia |
Author:
Becka
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Date Posted: 03:35:20 03/24/05 Thu
hi-
my name is Becka..i am 18 yrs old
i was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia about a year ago. I have been having symptoms all my life, but they were not recognized by anyone until i became severly depressed, suicidal, and self mutilative. My depression and anxiety has been under control with anti-Depressants for over a year and a half now, but my schizophrenic symptoms remain and are getting worse. I have tried antipsychotics, but could not stand the side effects...and i felt weird on them because i felt too "normal"
some of my symptoms include:
hearing voices, and seeing things (like shadows, visions of indescribable things, bugs on the wall,etc.)
body hallucinations/altered sense of self:
for example, i feel possessed, like other people are in my body with me, i feel seperate/disconnected from my body, my body feels all distorted, (like the way a picaso painting looks), cant tell where my arms, hands, legs, etc. are at. Dont recognize myself in the mirror, etc.
paranoid "delusions" :
-afraid that the government and president send spies and cops out to follow me and scan my brain for information and to read my mind. They put poisons in our food and water to control and program us into robots.
-license plates have secret messages in them about me.
-the numbers 1-9 have a special code hidden in them if decoded properly (i have not yet cracked this code)
-tv's radios, lights, street signs, have special messages for me and talk to me through telapathy.
Thought problems:
i have intrusive thoughts (bad/obsessive thoughts i cant get rid of), thought insertion (i hear thoughts that are not my own..comming from the people who live inside me)
-my mind blanks out all the time
-i cant concentrait very well
-i forget things i did five seconds ago, all the time
my thoughts race, get mixed up and unorganized...i get side-tracked by little details.
social withdrawl/paranoia/mistrust of everyone
(i have no friends, and dont want any. Hate going into public, dropped out of school because of the paranoia...people were provoking me, and scanning me with their cell phones, etc.)
I dont work right now because of my illness...i am registering for disability with social security.
-lack of feelings or emotions
im not depressed anymore, but life seems kind've pointless and has nothing exciting in it.
..there are more symptoms i have, but i cant think of the rest of them right now.
I have been givin many misdiagnosis's before finally being properly diagnosed with Schiz...
....including:
psychotic depression
panic disorder
anxiety (SAD, and GAD)
body dysmorphic disorder
depersonalization disorder
OCD
ADD
language processing disorder
I have been hospitalized 3 times and in outpatient therapy for almost 5 months. almost sent to residential
right now..by biggest problems are the paranoid "delusions" (i quote delusions because i dont believe i am delusional)
they body hallucinations
and the voices of other people living inside me.
I havn;t cut myself for about a month.(last time i did it, i probably should have gotten stitches though)
and i havn't been depressed or suicidal for about 8 months.
well, mostly i was just posting this to find out if anyone else has gone through anything similar. I ususally post on a forum for schizophrenics, but i thought i'd try this place out
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