| Subject: he Outside Operative 25 |
Author:
Nikita507
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Date Posted: Saturday, August 24, 06:45:07pm
In reply to:
Nikita507
's message, "The Outside Operative 19+" on Saturday, August 03, 05:05:34pm
Nikita blinked her eyes as she looked away from the television and glanced over at Michael who was lounging on the chair beside her bed. Something wasn’t quite right this morning but Michael hadn’t said anything about something being wrong. But Nikita distinctly felt that Michael knew something that she didn’t know about right now.
She didn’t like that.
But then, Nikita knew Michael. This was his way too often. It wasn’t that he meant to do it. In ways, it was his way of trying to protect her. Sometimes it did and other times it made things worse. Michael wouldn’t change that over night and Nikita hide a deep breath as she thought more about this quiet that on the surface appeared peaceful, but Nikita felt something churning.
Michael would open up, but Nikita had to challenge him head on. That was why Nikita hadn’t said anything while she ate the breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast, silently wishing she had sausage too. She was waking up and shaking cobwebs from her head, gaining energy because she was sure that this was going to take energy.
When faced with a situation head-on, without warning that it was happening, Michael would willingly be truthful and honest without worrying about protecting her or some other standards that he thought he had to maintain. Nikita realized that a couple weeks after their talk on the boat in Lyons. Michael hadn’t been able to prepare for that conversation in the moonlight. He was just in the moment. Those moments were the easiest to talk to him and other times weren’t as easy.
It had gotten better thru the years, but there had absolutely been bumps in the road, especially during the time of the ending of the mission with Elena and Adam.
”Let me run the test, Michael,” Nikita spoke as she pulled the sweater down over her bare legs, sitting on the porch of the small one bedroom house that she was renting for the month. “You can’t be sure with the results from Section One.”
“The results won’t change anything,” Michael didn’t look at Nikita as he stared off in the dark. “Just leave it alone.”
“They manipulate you with him, Michael. And I’m not saying that if he isn’t your son that you haven’t been a father to Adam… but you need to know the truth. I see it in your eyes,” Nikita ran her fingers along her covered legs, trying to get Michael to look at her. “I know that you wouldn’t stop loving him if he isn’t.”
“Then why run the tests?” Michael turned to look at Nikita. “None of this matters. To Section he is… and so he is.”
“It matters to you,” Nikita stroke the hair out of his face, although it wasn’t really in his face. “Please, Michael.”
He turned away and was silent.
Nikita waited and swallowed. She was going to have to push harder. “Or are you afraid to find out that he isn’t? Do you think that this is your only chance of having a child so you don’t want to know if he isn’t? Because you need him to be your son?”
There was only silence and Nikita stood up. “Do you not believe that we are going to get you out of Section? That you won’t have a chance of knowing the feeling of being a father on your own terms?”
Michael stoically stared off and Nikita turned away, heading back inside.
“Run the tests,” Michael clearly spoke but that was the end of the words.
Nikita blinked as she hadn’t thought of that conversation in a long time. She had never gotten the answers and she didn’t know why she didn’t follow up on them. She was so good at pushing and pushing Michael until she heard answers and sometimes it would take months and months to get them. She was sure that it was her own need to know those answers and that she gave up on those questions when she had the proof that Adam was not Michael’s biological son.
Studying Michael, Nikita cleared her throat. “I’m forgetting something.”
Michael turned his head and Nikita nodded as soon as she saw his eyes. “I forgot a day… didn’t I? I wasn’t sure why I got breakfast this morning… I thought I was still on the jello diet when I woke up… put I think I smell something… pizza was in the room, right? I forgot what happened yesterday, right?”
“It’s not a big deal, Kita…”
“It must be huge…” Nikita declared as she reached for the book and opened the pages. “There is nothing in here…”
“It wasn’t a big thing.”
“I must have guilted you into bringing me real food. I must have been a fine mess for you to break,” Nikita felt the tears on her face. “But you weren’t going to tell me?”
Michael shifted and turned towards Nikita. “Turns out that you were right about the food. I should have listened to you sooner.”
“Then it should have been in the book,” Nikita huffed as she slapped the book closed. “What else do you think I don’t need to know?”
“Kita… calm down…”
“It appears as if I have to do stupid things to get what I want… and I want to know what I did yesterday,” Nikita hissed as she pushed the book to the edge and watched it drop to the ground. She wanted to throw it but just didn’t have the strength. “Damn you, Michael. That was our agreement on handling this.”
“We needed a new way.”
“You needed a new way,” Nikita declared as she could hear the door and she knew that someone else was there in the room. She didn’t care. “You can’t protect me from things, Michael.”
“I am not protecting you from anything. I’m just stopping you from dwelling on it,” Michael corrected as he picked up the book. “And someone is always able to tell you the important things.”
“The important things as censored by Michael Samuelle,” Nikita accused as she rolled her shoulder back and winced.
Michael got closer and finally stood up to walk closer to the bed, tossing the book towards Nikita’s feet. “That isn’t what is going on, Kita.”
“We agreed on the book,” Nikita looked at her feet and then to Michael’s face. “And maybe you assume that this is just going to stop… but no one knows for sure that these lapses in memories will stop… no one knows for sure that I’ll heal enough to go back to having a normal life… I could be living with waking up each morning with a different set of memories and knowledge when I wake up… I may never be sure what day it is, Michael. That is why that book is important.”
“You are going to get better.”
“You need me to be that,” Nikita shook her head from side to side. “Because if I don’t get better… you don’t have the answers… or the answers are too difficult for you to face up to… just like whatever it is that I don’t remember about yesterday… you don’t want to face what happened with me… this isn’t about you wanting to protect me… you want to protect yourself… you want to change the rules when it is too difficult for you to handle.”
Michael was silent as his green eyes diverted. That was as close to an answer of Nikita speaking the truth. Nikita swallowed hard. “Get out.”
Michael stepped back as he shook his head. “Nikita… I would tell you if it was important.”
“I had real food for breakfast,” Nikita tensed as she lifted her chin and stared at Michael. “That is important.”
“Kita… this is being blown…”
“And you think it isn’t important for me to know that I had pizza last night?” Nikita questioned as she shook her head. “I can smell it,” Nikita declared before Michael could ask how she knew. Nikita turned to find that it was Walter who had walked into the room. It was clear that he knew some of what happened. “Get him out of here.”
Walter looked at Michael with a slight shrug of his shoulders. “I warned you Spyboy.”
Michael flinched as he grew tense. “Kita… this is being blown out of proportion.”
Nikita didn’t look at Michael. Walter cleared his throat. “Come on, Michael… a bit of time away… will do everyone good.”
Michael stepped closer to the bed and stroked his hand across Nikita’s cheek that was turned away from him, feeling the wetness of the tears on her skin. “You aren’t going to be like this, Kita. You are going to get better… you are going to be more than needing to read a book… you are going to be better. I know it.”
“You need it,” Nikita rasped as she glanced at Michael then slapped his hand away. “I don’t know it.”
Michael stepped away as if burned. Walter could see that he had something on the tip of his tongue that he stopped from saying. Walter wasn’t sure if it was good or bad that Michael held back, but it didn’t matter at this point. Walter was in triage and that meant getting some distance between the two before anyone more happened across the scene. “Come on, Michael… you can go meet up with Birkoff… maybe talk him into making it into the hospital.”
Walter made a move to go escort Michael away from the bed and then the room, but Michael moved just a split second before Walter started towards him. Michael was silent as he brushed out of the room. Walter glanced at Nikita and nodded his head slightly to let Nikita know that he would be back. But when Walter went into the hallway, Michael had vanished.
Walter came back in the room and Nikita was crying. He saw Nikita lift her arms and he just folded her into a hug. It felt so good to hug her and he hated the tears, but she needed this right now and he had to be there to support her, even if she had no idea that she had cried so long the previous day in Michael’s arms, only she had been on the floor and in a much worse place.
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