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Date Posted: 02:52:15 01/28/06 Sat
Author: Cat
Subject: Re: how do you know when to make a move?
In reply to: Catherine Hyland 's message, "Re: how do you know when to make a move?" on 02:04:18 01/28/06 Sat

Julie,
I can totally relate to your problem, i've have been going though something very simular. I feel in love with my very best friend, and after six to eight months of holding it in, I told her. That was sometime last july, we're still close, but things are different. Before, she wasnt shy about physical contact. when she'd stay at my house, we would both sleep in my bed. we would use eachother as pillows when watching movies and such. it was never sexual, we were just comfortable with eachother. But i noticed that, after i told her, she was very careful not to touch me.

We have talked about it a couple of times, but she never has told me how she feels. I kinda think that, based on her family and backround, if she did have any attraction or feelings for someone of the same gender, she would never, NEVER, admit it. There are also issues that have nothing to do with gender. shes had problems in her past, and has a lot of regrets. she really doesnt like herself, in fact she hates herself. shes told me that shes uncomfortable with the idea of anyone loving her, and that she cannot understand why anyone would.

I'm kind of torn. part of me says that she feels the same way i do, and just wont admit it, but i sometimes wonder if thats just wishful thinking. Ive tried to get over it, and at times, i think im close. but then something will trigger all the emoitions im trying to bury and ignore. like going though photos and finding one of her, or walking past a stranger who's wearing the perfume she would wear. Shes doing her best to ignore it. just pretend i never said anything. but we talk daily (she moved away to go to college) and that constant pretense is aggrivating. I dont want to lose her as a friend, i dont know what i would do if that happened, but im tried of pretending that i dont love her, because i do. I really wish i knew how she felt, what all of her actions and words really mean.
But anyway, thats not really the whole story, but you get the picture. I do want to say to you that, even though things didnt turn out how i would have liked, i do not regret telling her. i do wonder sometimes what things would be like if i hadnt told her, but when it comes right down to it, im glad that i did. Also remember, our situiations are not identical. I am not you. My friend is not your friend. things will probably be different for you than they were for me. But i think you should tell her. I think its always better to be honest and open. just be careful, dont walk up to her and say "i love you". tell her gently, in such a way that it doesnt completely suprise her. Best of luck to you.

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