Author:
Tom
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Date Posted: 16:09:36 12/22/07 Sat
Hello,
I recently found out that I have contracted the virus. I am overwhelmed with the guilt I have for allowing myself to acquire this totally preventable virus. I feel like such a total idiot. Im having a hard time forgiving myself for it, there's just no excuse - it is a totally preventable condition. I was always so careful - it was bad enough that I was abusing drugs intravenously, and so I was always very careful not to share paraphernalia with anybody. But, my mistake was in trusting others. I had always wondered why on earth anybody would want to give the virus to someone else, deliberately nonetheless. I knew that if I had it, I would go out of my way to make sure that I didn't give it to anybody else, as the guilt would eat me alive. I ignorantly assumed that anybody infected with the virus, would feel the same way. What I didn't realize, is that there are sadistic people out there who feel that if they have it, why should anybody else be able to enjoy the pleasures of getting high, without having to suffer the consequences as they have. It turns out that I was using around somebody like this - who envied me for using, without having been infected. They literally, spiked a bottle of my water. It's my fault for using drugs to begin with, and for using them around somebody like this. That's what drugs do - you take your guard down, and stupidly assume "everything is cool", when it's not - not cool at all. In any case, I know that I can never date anybody who is not already infected with the virus, and so I am looking to find singles in my area (NY) who are infected with Hepatitis C. I am keeping this a secret from my family, and friends - the few I have left anyway. There is no reason my parents should have to suffer along with me, knowing that I have a life-threatening illness. They will go to their graves, spared of this information. Please help me to find support, and a dating site for people with my condition. I am a professional person, college educated, and career orientated - believe it or not. But I suffered an emotional crisis a few years ago, and simply wasn't equipped to handle it like an adult. I chose to numb the emotional pain, with heroin. Once I stared down that path, my emotional growth came to a complete stop, and I never really got over the events which lead up to my addiction. I feel so pathetic, like such a loser. If only I knew then what I know now, if only I had listened to the countless others who had been there before me...but I was better than all those "idiots". They just didn't know how to use "responsibly", like I did. Here I am 6 years later, no better than the junkies I surrounded myself with. Im ashamed, I blew everything god gave me - and he gave me a lot, a lot more than many of the other junkies I knew, who had better excuses for using than I did.
Thank You.
Tom
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