A few things. -- The Beta Board

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 20:20:39 04/29/05 Fri
Author: Shanola
Subject: A few things.
In reply to: Diane 's message, "Okay - Chapter 6" on 19:00:09 04/22/05 Fri

A few things jumped out at me here.

First, you told the incident of Ken's trial twice, which was repetitive. You may want to combine those two 'telling's into one scene.

Second, if the girl had severe cerebral palsy and couldn't talk, why in the hell was she left alone in a park?? There are people with cerebal palsy that come to my mall once a week and for every person confined to a wheelchair, there is someone with them. Always. At least in the mall. I can't imagine a young girl like that being left alone in a park to wait on a bus. Also,you were inconsitant in her characterization, because she can't communicate well enough to be understood in court, but she can say "no" when Ken asks if she was injured.

Not sure why all the candidates were hanging out together, waiting for Nikita to call them. I got the feeling that they'd had seperate interviews and that an entire night had passed. Why would they be hanging out together waiting for Nikita to pick someone? That was rather odd.

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> [> [> Re: A few things. -- Diane, 21:09:27 04/29/05 Fri

I told you I hate this chapter. I wanted to get Ken off the hook in Nikita's eyes by having the "child" he murdered being a 17 year old thug. I hate the backstory I came up with. I may redo the whole thing.
I see your point about the three candidates hanging together. Actually, I just needed a filler scene there. I'll think of something else.

[ Post a Reply to This Message ]
[ Edit | View ]