| Subject: Chapter 299 - Part 2 (end of chapter 299) |
Author:
KatherineG.
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: Monday, July 30, 07:13:34am
In reply to:
KatherineG.
's message, "Dreams in the Dark - continues with chapter 289 >" on Monday, June 18, 06:55:17am
He let out a sigh, as he turned back to Kate, deciding that it was for the best to face this moment down; he wasn't helping either of them with his avoidance. He stood about 10 feet away from the bed--far enough away to let her have her space--as he finally spoke. "We don't have to do this. There are other ways to make us seem legitimate."
"Such as?" she wondered, gazing up to him. She still seemed terrified, but her look was determined--not letting either of them out of this; she took his silence as the obvious answer, made their situation plain. "You know as well as I do what everyone thinks. If we let them start questioning us too much . . ."
She didn't finish but didn't have to--Helmut knowing the rest as well as she did. Still, it didn't seem fair to her--to any of them; he made a slightly-altered suggestion, hoping to spare her some of the pain. "We could adopt." Their look held, both of them so tortured. "There's no reason it has to be . . ."
"Helmut," she cut him off, before her eyes closed, head drooping, as her fist clutched tightly at the bedspread. It took her a moment to steady her breathing before going on. "Please don't make me argue the point again."
She was right, of course--forcing her to fight to defend what would cause her the most harm not really fair of him. Still, this path seemed so dangerous, could bring all of them such pain. To see her have to go through with it . . .
He watched her suffering in silence for a moment before sighing softly, moving to take up a seat beside her on the bed. He waited for another second or two before trying to speak again, not wanting her to misunderstand. "I just don't want you to be hurt."
Lord. She knew this, her eyes closing tightly--understood that he wasn't looking out for just himself, or Rene. But the fact that none of them liked this idea, that it presented so many dangers to them all, barely mattered. What did was that Hollywood would continue to recognize their marriage if they went through with it, would agree to leave them alone. If they could manage that--could maintain the real relationships they were in without attack--it would be worth it. Anything was, for that.
This was an almost hopeless cause, in some ways--the world's attitudes toward people such as herself and those she cared for far less than kind. Once they released what they had found in Bauer's diaries, as well, made an even-greater enemy of him, they would be in far more danger. The first thing out of the man's mouth would be their real situation, all the things those around them knew them to be. And, if anyone actually believed him . . .
Such an outcome would doom them; they all knew it. True, Hollywood was probably the safest place on earth just now for a woman such as herself, many couples a reflection of those Helmut's household held. So many marriages here were covers for the partners' real desires. But that didn't mean that the town wouldn't roast them all alive.
There was only one means of protection, then, one form of proof. If she were to have Helmut's child, they would be safe. All knowledge to the contrary would be entirely meaningless.
It was the world's opinions they were protecting themselves against, the fact that none of them could withstand the scrutiny of the hypocritical and small-minded. But, if there were a child, such small-mindedness would work against their enemies. After all, people such as herself and Helmut might well marry to cover their tracks, but everyone *knew* that babies were only created by the truly heterosexual.
This "fact" was disproved a thousand times a day, but no one seemed to notice. In society's mind, children might well be born out of lust--but never out of necessity. It was a foolish oversight which might just save them now.
It was this task she was trying to brace herself for; both of them were. Still, it was far more difficult for Kate, who had never taken her pretensions of interest in the opposite sex half so far as Helmut had had to. He, at least, had the experience necessary to get through this. But his supposed wife . . .
She was finding this terribly difficult now, could barely get herself to calm down enough to ponder it--both hands wrapped around one of her knees, clinging to it tightly. When she had originally come up with this plan, had discussed it first with Terry and then with the rest of their companions, she had thought that it was a simple matter of determination. But now that she was actually here . . .
Christ. Helmut sympathized, hating the moment dreadfully himself. Despite the necessity of such a path, it just wasn't fair that they were forced to pretend so, that they would each have to do exactly what least appealed to them. They might well have been fortunate that they liked each other, were friends, at least; his hand touched her shoulder very softly. But to think that such a fact would change the terrible nature of what lay ahead would have been foolish indeed.
He wasn't such a fool, feared greatly for Kate, especially. Of course, he wasn't looking forward to having to regress in such a way--had truly cherished all the days he had been able to spend with his real partner alone, with finally being able to live without pretense. But he at least knew what lay ahead, had experienced it; it might even make it better that the woman in question was in on the joke. But for poor Kate . . .
She spoke to his thoughts, trying to work out her fears. She had talked to Rene earlier this evening, had of course gotten his permission--and his encouragement, knew she had all of Terry's support, as well. But still . . .
"I've never been with a man before, Helmut." She didn't shrink from his soft touch, but her look wandered over to the far corner of the room. "I'm afraid."
It wasn't as though he were unaware of this fact, his sympathy for her intense. More than anything--if they had to go through with such a terrible charade--he wished that there were some method of completing the pregnancy without actually having to consummate the marriage, but he knew that was a dream; he focused in on the facts before them, trying not to force her to argue for this end again. "I'll be as kind as I can, Kate." She looked to him, displaying the fear he never saw in her eyes--his show wife quite formidable; it made his heart break for her all the more. "You can tell me to stop at any point." It wasn't exactly as though he was going to be raring for more.
She looked deeply into his gaze, seeing this truth, and, despite herself, began to laugh; she felt his wondering look on her, even as her own dropped to the bed. "You could *pretend* that you want me, at least," she joked, smiling back to him a second later. When she saw his smile, she knew she was going to be alright; her hand touched his arm. But that still didn't mean that this was going to be easy.
This fact was all-too-evident to them both, the sadness lingering in their eyes. Still, she leaned against him at last, let herself try to become comfortable in his loose embrace. Maybe the best way to approach this was simply to face it down.
It wasn't the first time the pair had come close to such an end, of course. They had made such a good showing of foreplay more than a year ago that they had successfully distanced any hope of Louella's help from Madeline--who had hoped to trap Helmut and Rene together, not the banker and his future wife. There had also been the moment after the hideous premiere of *Shadows in the Night*--after Madeline's use of Sondra's dead body as a promotional tool--when Kate had nearly been drawn to her husband, simply needing strength. But every other time had either been a ploy or a whim--nothing quite so certain. This time, it was all far-too-painfully real.
She couldn't help shivering against him, terrified--despite herself. Virginal she might not be--having had plenty of lovers. But what she was about to endure was something she never had--or wanted to--before.
Still, it was only partly this fear which ruled her, her thoughts stretching out further into the future; she spoke them, once she finally got her voice under control. "Do you think he'll hate us, Helmut--our child?" It almost seemed better to think of it as a boy, such an outcome making their union seem far more legitimate. Besides, she really wasn't certain how much femininity she was capable of instilling in a girl.
This wasn't a factor she needed to worry about particularly, but her husband understood the worry. They were, after all, doing what he had hoped never to have to do--having a child simply as a publicity ploy, simply for show. Of course, thousands of people--at least--did the same, sought out parenthood for a variety of less-than-savory reasons. Like marriage, it was often more business deal than open-hearted desire; he sighed softly, wishing there were another way. But hating the facts wouldn't make this path any less necessary now.
He simply held her for a moment, couldn't quite bring himself to answer her fears--suddenly thinking back. It was all-too-obvious that both he and his wife had been conceived for exactly these reasons, as well. His own father had approached parenthood simply as a family duty--the only way to legitimately pass on property and names. He had meant little more to the man than this--and he had always been a disappointment, even at that.
This wasn't a pleasant fact but was unavoidable, nonetheless. Kate, too, was the result of such a plan--even if her mother's intentions had been slightly different. She had been born as a bargaining chip, a way to force her father to support and stand by her mother--despite the lack of legal papers to connect them. Both of them, then, had been conceived as coldly-calculated necessities. But he supposed that this actually applied to most of the people on earth.
There was no way to appreciate this truth, answering his partner's fears softly at last. "Let's hope so." Perhaps, if he did, it would be because he never had to face such decisions himself, was allowed to love wherever his heart might lead him. It was certainly a pleasant sort of image--whatever the child might think of them. But he could only hope that it would be the truth.
They stayed like that for sometime, could find nothing else to voice--both of them understanding much too well. In some ways, the only people they knew who were having a child out of love were Michael and Nikita. But that just made their determination to look after the couple all the stronger still.
This truth goaded them on to begin this barely-wanted consummation, the need to look after *all* of them--to be accepted enough for their presence to be a help instead of a hindrance--intense. There wasn't even a guarantee--sadly--that such an end would be certain with just one night. Still, they could hope. After seeing the one couple who might find some sort of public happiness triumph slightly tonight, it was far too tempting to ignore. They were going to have to face down whatever obstacles came to them. Maybe then they would find some happiness for all of them, in the end.
[End of Part 299]
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
| |
Feedback: 