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Date Posted: 23:13:05 12/06/01 Thu
Author: Steve
Subject: being torn apart?or not? I HATE IT

Hi,i been with this girl over a year.we are together basicly 24/7 .only time we are apart is either me at work/her at school.she sleeps and eats and showers at my place.constantly together.we fight alot and sometimes hurt eachother mentally it doesnt seem worth it when i think of those things BUT whn i think of the goodthings,i dont want to let her go and it feels worth it.first of all,let me tell youabout her shes 17 had a messed up life and seems to have a million personalities.sometimes shes so sweet and i really feel like she wants to be with me,other times i feel like im dragging her down,holding her back from this "great time" she couldbe having without me...i dont get it.deep down she REALLY is a sweet girl,thats what i love about her.then she seems to act different she WILLNOT talk to me about her problems ,keeps it all in (NOT GOOD)sometimes shell start crying and hiding in the corner of the bathroom with her face in a pillow,when i say baby please please talk to me,tell me whast wrong she says "nothing"......YEAH RIGHT I AM NOT FUCKING STOOPID! i am her second real ,like long term boyfriend...i have done SO much MORE for her than the last guy,he didnt even have a JOB when he was with her.....I DO,i support her buy her anything i can afford to,take her out for ice cream...things like that.....i feel like i cannot let her go but i also feel like she wants out,,,shes been emotional since i been w/her,shes just really messed up in th head....sometimes i wish she wasnt so beautiful so i could walk away and stay gone,now i aint a bad lookin guy on the other hand though.im 22 brn hair blu eyes6 foot 170.i can go out to a club and meet a girl SO easy but i dont...i just dont know if this girl REALLY likes me or just is depending on me for some kinda,i dont know support or soemthing?when shes in a goodmood,she smiles and laughs so cute even talks like a little girl,acts all gooofy climbing on me and all----when shes in a bad mood she calls me loser and says very hurtful things to me like "i wish i had a boyfriend with a car"
which one is the real her?
heres how much im attached to this girl.There was recently a very tragic accident in my family (nothings the same) it made me shed a few tears,i cannot seem to cry about it.when she left me this summer and went back to her x boyfriend for 2 or 3 days i never cried so hard in my life,i laid curled in a ball on the basement floor in painful tears throughout the days and got terrribly drunk those few nights i almost wanted to die,to feel some other pain than this,,,,....am i a sucker,being played or a really lucky guy?

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