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Date Posted: 13:03:24 06/13/02 Thu
Author: Alicia
Subject: Im going to tell him

Hello,just wanna say,before i drone on about myself,well done to you on the site! Good idea!
So, i wont really bore you with all the details (well i'll try not to) but here goes...
Theres this guy in my class Brendan, he's been in my class for the past 2 years. He's so friendly with everyone and he's really nice. He has a certain thing to him.I've noticed over the past few months that i've developed a 'thing' for him. But one night my friend was trying to persuade me to go out for the night and i wasnt up for it but then she said someone else said Brendan would be there (because it was his cousins birthday) so i said i would..{surprise,surprise}.
So that night it turns out he wasnt there but his slightly older brother (John) was. I got talking to him.And he must have guessed from my questions that i really liked Brendan,but it didnt seem to matter to him cos after a while,and after only 3 drinks, he kissed me.That went on for a while,and so on. I only realised when i got home that night what a MASSIVE mistake that was. How could i have been so stupid!?
So in school Brendan never mentioned anything about it to me,i kinda assumed he didnt know.But then all his friends started slaggin me off about it and then i knew he knew,but he still didnt say anything to me.It was probably because he didnt want to hear any details about it,it was his brother after all!
A while before this i had asked Brendan to our Debs Ball,but he said he had just asked someone. I couldnt think of anyone else,so i asked John.He said he'd love to go.
So bla bla bla,anyway the last day of school our class all went out for the night and that night i really thought i felt 'something'..you know???
Its hard to know exactly what im talkin about but you kinda have to be me to know all the details.
But see its gotten to a stage in my mind where i have to tell him how i feel.I cant have it all in my head anymore. I have to know if he feels the same way,at all.
I know the idea of telling him all this just screams stupidity and heart-break,but trying not to sound pathetic, I cry everyday thinkin about how i'll be if i dont do it.
This is the hardest thing i've ever had to do, and if he doesnt feel the same way i'll lose one of my best friends. Im gonna hate that so much,but i need to do this, seems ironic but its for my health,in the end. See..Im crying again!?
I just need some reassurance that i have my heart in the right place.
I know i'll hate never being able to speak to him again,which could happen. This is so hard.
Do you have any advice for me.I'll be doing this next week.
Thanx for your time,
Alicia*

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