| Subject: My Career In This Fed Is A Quest... |
Author:
Jake Tanner
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Date Posted: 12:26:06 01/21/02 Mon
** The scene opens up with Jake Tanner sitting in his locker room all relaxed and stuff. It's been a dissapointing week. A match he was really looking foward to on Tuesday Terror never took place. Some bastard in the supermarket took the LAST GODDAMN BOX of Strawberry Pop-Tarts (the essential part of Jake Tanner's breakfast). He ran out of toothpaste. He lost a shot at the IC Title on Friday Fear. And Lisa had gone on a trip to see her family back in Queens, leaving him all alone for the week. A week of let-downs has left Jake in a depressed mood. And so he sits, sulking in his locker room watching one of the greatest movies ever, Smokey and the Bandit...**
Bandit: How ya doin' sherriff. This is the Bandit speakin'.
Sherriff Buford T. Justice:......WHERE ARE YOU, YOU SUM BITCH.
Bandit: Well, before I answer that, I just wanted to say that, you must be part coondog. Because you are one off the best damn pursurers I've ever faced.
Sherriff Buford T. Justice: Well....I thank ya mighty kindly Bandit. And as the pursuer...may I say that you are the god damdest pursuee I've ever gone after! Now that all the plesantry BULLSHIT is over...WHERE ARE YOU, YOU SUM BITCH!!!!!!!!!
Bandit: Well, I'm just down the hill. I'm about six-eight, and I'm wearing an orange shirt and I got a little gypsy sittin' here with me dressed about the same. Come and get me.............................Wait a minute! Wait a minute, scratch that. I can't lie to ya sherriff. Look over your left shoulder.
**The sherriff turns his head, seeing the Bandit and his friends behind him.**
Bandit: I'm heading to Boston for some clam chowder. I'll see ya later.
**The Bandit tears off and the Sherriff gives chase as the movie ends. Jake Tanner shuts the T.V. as a grin crosses his face.**
Jake Tanner: Hehehehehehehe. Classic.
**A knock on the door interrupts Tanner's thoughts.**
Jake Tanner: Come in.
Max Wulf: It's me!
Jake Tanner: Oh, Christ.
Max Wulf: Now, now, don't get upset. I know it's been a rough week for you. But I'm here to cheer you up.
Jake Tanner: Unless you're about to bring in a hooker and a lifetime's supply of beer, I doubt there is ANYTHING you can do to make me happy, Wulf.
Max Wulf: Nooooooo. But I've got something better. I'm gonna....(God I hope I know what I'm doing), let you punch me in the face.
Jake Tanner: ...........You're f*ckin' kidding me.
Max Wulf: No...I'm serious. I was thinkin'...I need to toughen up. I wanna be able to take the punishment you guys give to me when I ask for interviews! C'mon Jake! I'm serious. Hit me! Right in the face!!
Jake Tanner: *snicker snicker* BWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! A HAHAHAHAH!!!!! HAH HAH!!! OH! OH MY!! Oh My! Oh! Whoo!! You really are serioius aren't you!! Christ Wulf! I didn't think you had the balls to say something like that! You've gained a certain level of respect from me today!
Max Wulf: Oh, wow! Really?
Jake Tanner: No.
**Tanner rears back and nails Max Wulf square on the chin, actually propelling him upwards and backwards right through a table. Jake stands over the undoubtedly out cold Wulf and chuckles.**
Jake Tanner: Unfortunately for you, while that was ballsy, it lacked clear thinking. Never f*ck with a man who's just had a week's worth of bad luck.
**Suddenly, Jake notices a paper sticking out from Max's jacket pocket. He picks it up and reads it aloud...**
Jake Tanner: "Dear Mr. Tanner. If you are reading this, I am most likely unconcious, or doubled over in unspeakable pain." Heh heh, damn right. "Forseeing this ocurrence, I am taking this opportunity to inform you that you have a match against DBR on Tuesday Terror in a tournament for the Hardcore Title. Good luck, Jake. Sincerely, Max." Hmmmmn...today is a house show. Time to voice my opinions in the ring....
**We fade out. We fade in again as a camera JUST SO HAPPENS to be filming tonight's house show. Two unknown talents (and I use that term loosely) Jay Broni and Ron "h2o" Waterman (an actual name, believe it or not!!) are facing each other in the ring. Chants of "You suck" and others begin to echo throughout the arena. Those chants are shattered, as "Ace Of Spades" by Motorhead blares through the arena. The fans go absoultely insane as Jake Tanner shows up on the stage. A member of the HWA staff is trying to restrain him from interuppting the show. Tanner just glares at him, and the staff member backs off. Jake enters the ring as Jay and Ron begin to argue with him, saying they want to continue their match. Tanner sets them straight as he nails both of them with a double clothesline. The fans go insane as Jake Tanner nails one of them with the Flushing Slam (Sky High) and rolls him out of the ring. Jay, the other, decides to fight back and get in a shot at Tanner's face. He recieves the Jake Hammer for his efforts. Depositing the trash outside of the ring, Jake asks for a mic and begins to address the crowd....**
Jake Tanner: Sorry to interuppt folks. But I just recieved some important information that I would like to share with you, the fans. It seems that I have an important match on Tuesday. A match which will advance me in the quest for the Hardcore title. Now, we all know that there are some pretty impressive hardcore specialists in the HWA. However, I have the pleasure of facing one of the best of 'em. This Tuesday I face off against Da Big Rig, Scott Carr. DBR. Devious Brutal Rage. The man who is Harder than Hardcore. The man who says off all the people in the HWA, I am the one person he would enjoy forming a tag team with. Well, DBR. I'm much obliged, much obliged. I'm honored that you think highly of me. I too, have a level of respect for you. BUT...I don't do tag teams. All my life, I've had to do things on my own. My quest in the HWA is no different.
That's how I view my presence here in the HWA. As a quest. So far, my quest has been an eventful one. I've made friends. I've made enemies. I've faced some of the top talent here in the HWA. And yet...and yet my quest is missing that one element that makes a quest legendary. The one factor that has eluded me thus far. GOLD. Gold in the form of championships. I've been offered numerous chances at gold. Yet I have failed in each attempt to claim it. Half of the time, I wasn't even involved in the decision when I missed that chance at gold and glory. Well I say no more.
I will make my quest a legendary one. I shall make people remember the name of Jake Tanner. I will not just sit back and become the man who "almost made it". No way, not today. I am determined to become Hardcore Champion no matter who I hafta mow down. And it starts with YOU DBR. I don't give a fat flying f*ck what kind of punishment you can dish out, or how brutal you can be. 'Cause I'm Jake Tanner. I have survived the most brutal street fights you can think of. This is not just a tournament to me. It's survival. I'll see you in the ring Scott.
**Jake tosses the mic to the floor and raises his fists as the crowd blows the roof off of the arena. "Ace Of Spades" blares once again as Jake Tanner makes his exit. Tuesday is gonna be one hell of a night....**
**We fade to black.**
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