| Subject: HWA's Secrets and Mysteries Revealed! |
Author:
Enmity
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Date Posted: 23:30:57 01/31/02 Thu
The scene opens up in a dimly lit room. A hulking shadow moves infront of the camera as a light from behind him flares, and curves around his robed muscles. The figure speaks with a dark, and deep voice.
Enmity: I warned you all weeks ago that my plans would come to be, oh so quickly and painfully. I told you all that I was back and soon very soon you'd feel my wrath. You'd pay for the pain that the clowns, and the EMT brought upon me. Taking away from me the very things that I cherished most. I bring to the ring all of that pent-up anger, rage, emotion, and unleash it all upon you. And tomorrow night, Friday Fear, more unlucky victims will feel what it's like to be lost in the dark. For when the four horsemen of the apocaly......ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
Lights around the camers brighten and we can see in great detail and color now a brown robed figure. Production assistants mess with the candles behind the figure. Dark and eerie soundtrack is rewound over a sound system. The robed figure tosses off his hood to reveal his face.
Sean "The Man" Ferguson: This is horse-shit! I swear, I can't believe I agreed to do this Enmity stint. Sure it's great to beat asses the way that I do, but this dark and dreary promo stuff is just a load of stinky, moist crap!
Produciton Asst: We certainly can't do what you had planned. It's totally unoriginal and absolutely not going to help getting this federation's ratings back where they once were.
Ferg: Screw all that! Roll that fucking camera!
Sean opens up the brown robe to reveal blue jeans and a DBR Rules t-shirt underneath. He then pulls out a baby rattle and a bottle with milk in it. He spits in his hand and smears some moisture under his eyes.
Ferg: (In baby-talk)Boo-hoo! You guys play too rough. I don't like you no moo-wah! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Chambers kicked sand in my eye and Taylor stuffed a pointy toy in my diaper. I'm going home! I'm tellin' my mommy!
Ferg does a little dance resembling a toddler's temper tantrum as the scene fades to black. Guns N' Roses' "Welcome to the Jungle" fades in with the words, "Golden Era My Ass!" The scene fades back into Ferg in a diaper with a bonnet on his head. He's sucking on his thumb.
Ferg: Now, if this doesn't get the HWA some ratings, then we might as well replace this shit with re-runs of Baywatch: Hawaii......what? That follows this? Who watches this shit? I'm tellin' you. Me, making fun of DBR is alot better than those damn Braveheart-esque speeches that Chambers makes. You know, we oughta get an infant in on this....bet his penis is bigger than DBR's...
The scene fades to the HWA logo with the "Golden Era" slogan spray painted over it. The scene then fades back to Ferguson, this time he's in an oversized play pen that looks like a wrestling ring. He plays with a toy and accidentally smacks himself in the face with the rattle. He falls backward. Ferg laughs to himself and then folds himself, so that he's on his back and his feet are up next to his ears.
Ferg: Look! Look! I'm Cecilia!
The scene fades back to the HWA logo and slogan. The text fades in at the bottom that says, "Classier Than Ever!"
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