| Subject: Funny Like A Cripple.... |
Author:
Ferg
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Date Posted: 09:08:28 02/03/02 Sun
A show at the newly restored HWA Bar & Grill in downtown New York City primes the crowd for the upcoming Pay Per View Event. The event will contain many of the big name stars that made the HWA what it was and is. It will also house the new guys that are going to make the HWA what it will be. Oh yea, and Esteban is in it too. The crowd looks at the stage, awaiting the next celebrity to come out and plug their new cookbook, sign a few autographs, or even come out tipsy like Mariah Carey on her last appearance on TRL prior to her entrance into the looney bin. That's when the lights cut out and an extravagant light show procedes during the bellowing of Axel Rose in the beginning of "Welcome to the Jungle." The crowd gives a mixed reaction as Sean Ferguson comes onto the stage in a sombrero with two midgets in border patrol outfits standing behind him.
Sean: Hola! I speak broken spanish to you so that you can remember that I have a gimmick. Also, the broken spanish is to lead you to believe that I'm truly from south of the border or something like that! Nevermind that I've never even moved out of the Bronx. At any rate...
What I'm really out here to do is to publicly announce that I am indeed in this Pay Per View this week. And it's really weird too. See, lemme boil it down for you. See, I got this call a couple of weeks ago from Ace's lawyers stating that they've bought the rights back to the defunct HWA blah blah blah...and what they wanted were the keys to the building, since I ruled this place and ran it straight into the ground like I had promised. And basically what ended up happening for some laughs, I came down the day that Ace wanted in the building and I let him in with my keys. And so Ace says to me...
A midget comes from off stage on his hands and knees, while a statue of a dog on wheels rolls out onto the stage on the midgets back, humping.
Midget Ace: Please oh please come back to the HWA! I have no real talent. I mean, Jesus, Esteban and the rest of his tequila swill, Menudo throwbacks are going to absolutely ruin my little clubhouse if you don't come back! And it'll be great, cause at the opening I can pretend that I fire you, and then you come back as the evil and mysterious Enmity and it can be exactly like that stint the Undertaker did right when his career died! It'll be great!
Ferg: And so, I felt bad for the little guy. Maybe cause some of what he said made some sense. Maybe cause his mothe....I mean the dog was really going to town on his ass and it looked painful. Maybe cause it spelled dollar signs. So, we started the stint.
The midget runs out from under the dog, and gets behind the dog and starts humping the dog.
Midget Ace: You insolent fool! I've tricked you! You truly are fired! You will never defy me ever again!
Sean looks toward the crowd and shoots them a look of disbelief as the midget finishes off the dog and rolls it off screen.
Ferg: Needless to say, I was pissed. And so, when I found those pictures of Mrs. Ace and the little boys on the internet, I was able to settle out of court and mystically have my job back. I was just never allowed to produce those pictures ever a...
Pictures of a woman with two midgets in comprimising positions flutter to the floor as Sean looks on in shock.
Ferg: Whoops! How'd that happen?
Sean laughs riotously as the pictures then drop in a horde on the center of the room. Sean composes himself.
Ferg: I've had this organization's balls in my hands and I drove it straight into the ground! I ran it like it was my little play toy. And I can, NAY, will do it again. Yes, In The Beginning, how fitting.
"Welcome to the Jungle" begins again the fans return to eating their dinner! Sean slam dances with the two border patroling midgets and then attempts to throw them out to crowd surf onto the crowd which is now gone back to their tables. The midgets hit the floor with a thud as Sean drops the sombrero on the floor and dances around the edge of the brim as the scene fades, reminding everyone that he's from Argentina.
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