| Subject: The Man They Call Phil: Part One |
Author:
Jake Tanner
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 19:03:39 02/06/02 Wed
**The scene opens up in nicely furnished living room. The walls are white, and the floor is white tile. A black leather couch sits in front of a brass coffee table with a glass top, on a striped area rug. Next to the couch is a smaller table, similar to the previous one, and a vase with flowers is resting on it. A black leather chair is also next to this table at a ninety-degree angle to the couch. The couch is facing a huge wide screen TV, with various other home theater equipment placed next to it. All-in-all, it's one hell of a nice room to be in! The scene is quiet for a few moments, until the silence is broken when the front door opens. First enters the lovely Lisa Catera, carring one small bag from what seems to be some mall or department store. Next stumble in The Madman From Queens, Jake Tanner. He is burdened with 10 or 12 huge shopping bags and you can't see his face. He drops all of the bags on the chair, and falls back on the couch and starts to rub his temples...**
Jake Tanner: Christ, baby. You didn't put all of this crap on the card, didja?
Lisa: Maaaaaybe.
Jake Tanner: F*ck. Sometimes I can't believe I'm able to put up with all of the sh*t you pull.
Lisa: And I can't believe the filth that comes from your mouth, with all of that cursing.
Jake Tanner: Please! I talk like this all the time! And there isn't anything wrong with cursing. F*ck f*ckety f*ck f*ck f*ck.
Lisa: Well, HWA programming sure as hell ain't gonna win the Peabody award with you around talking like that.
Jake Tanner: What the hell is that?
Lisa: That? That's the award they give to shows on TV that don't use words like retarded.
Jake Tanner: That's retarded........and queer.
Lisa: UGH! You're impossible.
Jake Tanner(getting up and heading downstairs): Hehehehehehehe. Ya damn right!
Lisa: Where're you goin'?
Jake Tanner: It's called IN THE BEGINNING. Can't just WALTZ right into a PPV now, can I? I gots me some trainin' ta do!
**And so, after a strenuous 4-hour training session, and a quick shower, Jake, Lisa, and a few of Tanner's new friends here in Chicago decide to dine at the HWA Bar & Grille. We fade on them laughing, screaming, cursing, telling jokes, and overall, having a blast. Apparently, they are being a little loud. For a short, stocky little man, with glasses and an afro seems to be getting irritated. Finally, he gets fed up and spins around, tapping Jake Tanner on the shoulder...**
Man: Hey...
Jake Tanner: OH MAN!!! So, like I was sayin', two guys walk into a bar...
Man: HEY...
Jake Tanner: And they sit down to have a drink, when the bartender says...
Man: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!
**All of Jake's crew gets silent and stares at the man who is breathing heavily, his face beet red. Jake sneers at him...**
Jake Tanner: WHAT!
Phil: MAH NAME'S PHIL!!! I'm trying to have a peaceful time eatin' here! And I would really appreciate it if you hooligans kept it down a little!
Jake Tanner: Oh really?!
Phil: Yes, really!! Please! There are women eating in this resturant.
**Phil points to his wife sitting in the next booth. She is an ugly, hairy, beast of a woman, who smiles a crooked yellow smile at the crew...**
Jake Tanner: OH GOD! Where? I don't see any women?
**Jake appears to be confused as he looks around. This little joke makes everyone laugh again, and the party begins again. Phil looks like he's about to force a cow out of his ass as he can't take it anymore...**
Phil: AARGH!!!!! THAT'S IT!!!!! I WILL NOT TOLERATE SUCH DISRESPECT!!!!! C'MON! Put up your dukes!!!
**Phil gets into a stance, all 30's-style-boxing-like. This causes the crew to laugh even harder. The laughter abruptly stops when Phil takes a wild swing, and knocks Jake Tanner's beer all over Lisa's lap. Ut-oh....**
Lisa: You idiot! Look what you've done to my new dress!
**Jake Tanner glares at Phil, and then he stands up. Phil, finally seeing Jake at his full size, turns white as a sheet and begins to back up. Phil, the 5-foot,6-inch, one hundred and thirty pounder stares straight up at the 6-foot, 4-inch, two hundred and sixty pound animal Jake Tanner...**
Jake Tanner: Do you have any idea what you've just done?
Phil: Ummm, no?
Jake Tanner: Do you have any idea who I am?
Phil: Uhhhhhhhhhh...
Jake Tanner: Well, let me tell you. (There is now a crowd of people around the two men.) My name is Jake Tanner. I wrestle here at the HWA. In case you haven't noticed, we are in a wrestling arena. Seeing a GUY MY SIZE, in a WRESTLING ARENA, having FUN WITH HIS FRIENDS, is AN EVERYDAY THING HERE!
Phil: Oh....I had no idea. I'm truly sorry.
Jake Tanner: Well, next time you go to a wrestling arena, and see a six-four musclar man eating with his friends, make a note of it not to piss him off, 'cause he just might be A PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER!!!!!!!! YOU MORON!!!!!!!!
Phil: Y-yes sir. I'm sorry. It won't happen again.
Jake Tanner: Ya damn right!
**At that, Jake Tanner hoists Phil into the air, and slams him down with the Flushing Slam (Sky High). He picks up the dazed man and Jake Hammers him through the table he and his wife were eating at. The crowd, thinking it's "all part of the show" cheers wildly and seeing the action is over, goes back to their tables. Jake sits back down with his friends and chuckles...**
Jake Tanner: Christ. Now I know what it's gonna be like when I throw shmucks like him over the top rope like at the PPV on Friday!!!
**Everybody laughs, and the party continues again, as paramedics check on the out-cold Phil.**
**We fade to black.......**
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
| |
Feedback: 