Kimmi and the Audio Test -- Remembering Kimmi

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Date Posted: 01:45:30 01/31/06 Tue
Author: Troy C. Porter
Subject: Kimmi and the Audio Test

Another of my favorite Kimmi memories happened at.... wait for it... Pirates. I had just become a Lead there, and I would have worked for free as long as Kim and Elaine were on the crew.

One morning as we were getting ready to open this little woman from the Disneyland Safety Department came in to the ride and found me. She wanted to do an audio test of the sound levels the CM's working the ride were subjected to during an average shift. She needed three "volunteers" who would be there for an 8 hour shift who could wear a recording device and a microphone on their costume. I happily told her I could help, and that I also knew two hostesses who would be there for 8 hours. I naively figured this would be a fun diversion for all of us. I took the woman up to the Tower to meet Kim, and I told Kim that we would all "get" to wear microphones for the day.

Kim looked at me like I had just told her she would "get" to wear a clown wig for the rest of her shift, and I realized I had just made a huge error in judgement. But before Kim could protest this little woman began thanking us profusely for helping with her test, and she quickly started unpacking these clunky plastic boxes and big clip on microphones covered in black foam, like a TV reporter would use. Within moments this woman had attached these boxes to our Pirate belts, and was clipping these big foam microphones to our vests right on top of our shoulders with a thick black wire going down to the box on our belts.

The whole getup looked ridiculous, and I thought for sure this time I went too far and Kim would throw me in the Bayou as soon as the woman left. Elaine had to wear one too, and all day long Elaine just kept repeating the statement she had heard me tell the Safety Department woman "Elaine would be happy to participate in the test.... Elaine would be happy to participate in the test... Elaine would be happy..." Kim loved it when Elaine was bugged by something (Elaine, you know it's true!), and I could tell this was going to be fun at least for me.

But as soon as the ride opened Kim discovered that there was fun to be had for everyone with these ridiculously huge microphones clipped to our shoulders. By mid morning Kim stood at Group asking the never ending line "How many?" with every third group of people saying in response "We want the front!". But instead of just saying "Wait here please" as she normally did, Kim devised a new way to torture the guests demanding the front row.

She would lean in to the guest asking for "the front", tap the wobbly microphone on her shoulder, and say "Could you repeat that?". The guest would lean in toward Kim and say toward the microphone "Can we have the front please?!". Kim would pull back, pause just a moment, and then lean in again and say with a straight face "One more time, we're getting interference". The guest would then get close to Kim's shoulder pad, stare intently at the microphone and say a third time, loudly and clearly, "COULD WE HAVE THE FRONT PLEASE?!?". Kim would pull back again, pause, nod her head, and then mercifully tell the guest simply "Row One."

And this would just crack Kim up! Hell, it cracked us all up. She would have to run backstage every few minutes to laugh, but she kept a straight face for the guests. Kim could just do it so perfectly, not one single guest that day ever questioned why they would need to state and restate their request for the front row into a microphone clipped to the polyester vest this blonde hostess was wearing. Kim just made it seem so natural, that no one ever questioned the stupidity of it.

When the Safety Department woman came back at 4:30 we all were sad to see the microphones go away. Kim told the woman that if she ever needed to do any more audio testing, that we would all be happy to help out, even Elaine.

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