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Date Posted: 14:26:31 02/07/06 Tue
Author: lump
Subject: Good things about parenting
In light of our new up-and-coming parents, I think we aged parents ought to share the best things about being a parent! It's not always fun and/or easy, but there are certainly a few things that make it all worth while.
Besides the milestones, like first steps and first words, I think one of the best rewards in parenting is when your child makes the right (and often good-hearted) decision in a tough situation without any intrusion from you!
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Re: Good things about parenting -- Iymlad, 14:47:22 02/07/06 Tue [1]
I have two things to share:
My son (4) often says profound things just before falling off to sleep. For example, he has explained "reincarnation" to me without knowing or using the word.
My daughter (>2) cannot be fooled by slight-of-hand. She intuitively knows that something is being pulled over on her and always goes right for it even if it was done completely behind her back.
For me, some of the best things about parenting relate to the lack of filters children have. They sense things that most adults cannot. I enjoy seeing bits of that and fostering it, rather than suppressing it as my parents did.
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Re: Good things about parenting -- lump, 14:58:48 02/07/06 Tue [1]
Hey Iymlad! I don't want to bring up my old thread so I'll just pull this one aside for a minute. Whatever was there has left. Putting the water out was rather crazy that first night - but since I've had no "feeling," no intrusions in my sleep, and no nothing. Just thought you'd want to know.
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Re: Good things about parenting -- Iymlad, 15:19:20 02/07/06 Tue [1]
Interesting. Well, glad to hear that it's resolved.
Happy sleeping!
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Re: Good things about parenting -- tg, 15:24:22 02/07/06 Tue [1]
How quickly childred learn and understand things, always amazes me. Having 3 kids 4 years apart you forget as the get older how babies can understand so much. My 17 mth old I can tell her things and she can say yes or no or she points to things, they are able to express themselves so much without any words, it's amazing.
With my older kids I can tell them something or they ask a question, I find that they are understanding fully what the consequences or why we do certain things, whether it's a rule or an action and they can apply it to their own situations. It makes me happy to influence them and it's not a power struggle and they are learning and growing and they want to know.
I love getting Valentines cards a week early, like I did today. :-))
Kids want respect and they should be given it without them giving it to you first. They are not just kids, they are people and individuals, they learn from us.
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Re: Good things about parenting -- tg, 15:29:16 02/07/06 Tue [1]
Oh and what Iymlad said they can understand concepts and things and have their own logic and it can totally make sense. (sometimes better than their mother)
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Re: Good things about parenting -- chrys, 15:46:27 02/07/06 Tue [1]
going to go with the aside since i don't know shit about parenting...
last night i also put out a bowl. i felt a little silly doing it. i was hoping for dream insight about my boy situation, but instead i dreamt about my brother, our neighbors growing up, and aliens.
hmmm.
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Re: Good things about parenting -- Iymlad, 16:03:27 02/07/06 Tue [1]
Moonie - the water isn't for dreams persay. It's to facilitate spirit communications, which *can* come through dreams.
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Re: Good things about parenting -- lump, 16:03:46 02/07/06 Tue [1]
Sidenote:
Chrys - the water is for whomever is already there to draw from, not to create. You know how you put sea salts in the corners of your house to quiet spirits down? It's the opposite of that. There has to already be something there. I think.
Otherwise people on houseboats and islands would have hellacious problems. :) I think.
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Re: Good things about parenting -- Iymlad, 16:05:35 02/07/06 Tue [1]
... and you do Tarot, so what's the problem???
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Re: Good things about parenting -- chrys, 18:58:15 02/07/06 Tue [1]
the problem is now i have to wonder if my brother and i were abducted by aliens!!!
can the tarot tell me that? lol.
i need to get more proficient at pendulums, so many of my ?s are yes/no.
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Re: Good things about parenting -- tg, 19:41:41 02/07/06 Tue [1]
A little advice, always use a car seat. Never drive around with your 4 month old baby on your lap, while you are being chased by paparazzi. no no
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Re: Good things about parenting -- carson1, 13:15:03 02/09/06 Thu [1]
Yep, TG! No car seat=tool bag mom. SHEESH! Protecting her baby from what?! Were they throwing the cameras at her and her baby? Celebrities are so stupid sometimes.
Parenting...
Talk to you kids. Know what they're doing, where they are going, who they are hanging out with....I know I'm so interested in everything that my kiddo does. They really are amazing in their capacity for learning and love. My kid amazes me everyday.
Also, lead by example. If you want your kid to be an honest person, then be an honest person.
Tell your kid everyday that you are proud of them, even when they screw up. Let them know that you have their back.
I can't take credit for any of this information. I learned this from watching my parents, who are the best people that I know,
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Re: Good things about parenting -- 23, 15:22:14 02/09/06 Thu [1]
I have this idealized notion of what parenting can be like. I have a few friends with kids who do things much differently than I plan to, and I don't know if I'm just kidding myself with my hopes for this whole thing. Like, maybe they act that way with their kids because nothing else works. (although, what they do doesn't seem to work, either).
Am I really going to be able to communicate with my kids as well as I hope?
Am I being naive to think that pleading to their higher natures will have any impact?
From watching other people parent, the most important ingredient (besides love) seems to be patience. Thankfully, I usually have plenty of that.
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Re: Good things about parenting -- lump, 16:37:41 02/09/06 Thu [1]
No - it's consistancy.
No one...well - there really are people who don't care - but ...let's see...how to put this.
My best friend is 30 and has no kids, but has got to watch us all raise ours. She also can pick out the things that are wrong. I can too. But I'm the parent.
No one wants to be a shitty mean or crazy parent (except said people above). It's alot harder than it looks.
But I already know you and your wife will be fine parents just from how you interact with each other. If you look around - those screamy meammy parents and those "what I forgot already" parents probably don't interact with each other very well either. If your wife and yourself are on the same page on ALMOST everything and you're consistant - you'll raise a fine little Lumpy Millicent. :)
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Re: Good things about parenting -- lump, 16:39:22 02/09/06 Thu [1]
Oh yeah - and pick up a copy of Freakonomics and read the rather short chapter on parenting!
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Re: Good things about parenting -- 23, 17:17:37 02/09/06 Thu [1]
Well, the friends I'm talking about are consistent in their impatience and use of yelling as a child-rearing technique.
I want to let my kids be kids (5 year old boys should be allowed to run around and make noise most of the time, as long as no one is getting hurt). I don't want to forget what it was like to be a kid. I still remember now what it felt like - feeling like you're the absolute center of the universe and nothing at the same time. I remember being positively terrified and positively elated. Extremes of emotion that I can no longer attain. I remember how easy it was to get completely lost in my own imagination. Just totally lost.
For me, the most important thing to get across is integrity. It's the main thing I learned from my dad - I may not agree with a lot of his political and religous views, but the man does what he says and always has.
I'm just really looking forward to this, not just because I already love the little bundle of cells, but because I'm so goddamned curious about how all of this is going to work.
It's wierd, though, I'm 30 and I still feel like I'm a kid in so many ways. Like I shouldn't really be allowed to do this yet - the stakes are so unbelievably high.
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Re: Good things about parenting -- Leo, 20:41:07 02/09/06 Thu [1]
One thing I recently learned is that your kid will never, ever, in a million years believe you have any concept of what its like to be a kid. Just by virtue of being their parent, you are a dinosaur.
History does repeat itself, some of the things I learned from my parents not to do, I do without even realizing it, and thats scary! But if I catch myself doing that, I will tell them I am sorry.
Kids are amazing though, I loved discovering the world again through their eyes, simple things like chasing butterflies in the backyard, or being handed a bouquet of weeds, lol. Mine are older now, but still surprise me with the things that come out of their mouths, although now its more like bling, bling and making up rap songs, and discovering boys!
Its a wild ride, although there have been many before you, its still unchartered territory, and there are no instruction manuals. I think you'll do fine though!
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Re: Good things about parenting -- Iymlad, 07:59:13 02/10/06 Fri [1]
Both my kids are VERY active. Although my wife and I do fairly well, at times stress and time just wear down on you and it's get's very hard to live moment to moment, as they do, and not dwell on what happened last 10 minutes. Patience is what I know I need more of to make things easier (though I'm sure different parents have different strengths and shortcomings). There is a feedback loop, so if we get too stressed by the kids, the stress is passed back to them which makes it more difficult for them to keep it together ... and on and on. I find that mild 5:30 attitude adjustment puts me in a much more relaxed frame of mind, detached from the stresses of the work day and not so sensitive to the little annoyances, and I can just play with them. That may sound horrible, but the proof is simply in the pudding.
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Re: Good things about parenting -- tg, 08:30:40 02/10/06 Fri [1]
PATIENCE PATIENCE PATIENCE
Patience was the thing I needed the most with my son who has PDD(progressive development disorder) it's a mild case of Autism. There were times I needed it with dealing with his behaviour and his learning issues. Thankfully, the more severe situations are mostly a momory and he's come a long way!
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Re: Good things about parenting -- noslave, 09:30:29 02/10/06 Fri [1]
Twan, you are going into this with such a terrific attitude.
Good things about NOT being a parent: sleep.
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Re: Good things about parenting -- carson1, 11:57:35 02/10/06 Fri [1]
YES, Leo! It's crazy how every little thing that they do is the most amazing thing ever. My kiddo clapped his hands the other day, and you would have thought he discovered the cure for cancer from our reaction.
Twan, see you already have the skills to be a parent. The fact that you realize that it's not an easy job or something you just step into lightly. It is a big decision. I have always found, too, that the best parents out there (including mine) don't act their age. You and R are going to be wonderful, fun parents. You will love it!
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Re: Good things about parenting -- lump, 13:33:07 02/10/06 Fri [1]
And you know, Twan - that feeling of still being a kid yourself should NEVER go away. My son is 11 and I still feel like I was sitting in a wild flower field with my nappy hair and my favorite pink striped shirt watching the coon dogs we had run (when I was like...4) just yesterday. And I think if we ever loose that "so much yet to learn" feeling, we stop growing. I understand that thought - and it doesn't and probably shouldn't go away.
I'm telling you though - read that chapter because it's rather suprising statistically how little we have to do with what our children become AFTER we've built the foundation they grow from.
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