| Subject: Episode 3.1: General Wars |
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Date Posted: 13:04:14 03/03/03 Mon
LIFE IN GENERAL
SEASON THREE
Episode 3.1: General Wars
SCENE OPENS TO A SHOT OF DEEP SPACE. STARWARS MUSIC PLAYS AND WRITING APPEARS IN YELLOW AT A SLANT, MOVING BACKWARDS
“GENERAL WARS
RETURN OF THE JARGON
AFTER ELIJAH PLACED A SPELL ON ELLIE, SHE BECAME CONSUMED BY POWER. TOGETHER THEY INTEND TO TAKE OVER THE UNIVERSE. THEY DISAPPEARED INTO THE FUTURE WITH A COUPLE OF THEIR DEMON FRIENDS.
ASHE, STILL ADJUSTING TO BEING HALF VAMPIRE, HALF HUMAN, VOWED TO STOP THE THEIR PLAN AND RETURN ELLIE TO NORMAL.
BUT WHAT IS NORMAL IN THIS SHOW? I MEAN REALLY? FIRST WE HAVE RICHARD WHO IS A GENIUS TRAPPED IN THE BODY OF A SIMPLE MINDED CHILD. THEN THERE IS ALEC, A TALENTED ACTOR WHO BELIEVES THAT HE IS CAPABLE OF DOING ANYTHING AS LONG AS HE ACTED IT AT ONE POINT. THEN THERE IS SAM, THE BITCH. SAM JUST HAPPENS TO BE A VAMPIRE SLAYER. WHO’S IDEA WAS IT TO GIVE THE MOST COLD HEARTED PERSON IN THE GALAXY SUPER HUMAN STRENGTH?! AS IF THAT WASN’T BAD ENOUGH, WE HAVE ASHE, THE HALF-LING. ASHE USED TO BE HUMAN, UNTIL DRACULA AND PENELOPE USED THE BOOK OF THE DEAD TO TURN HIM INTO A VAMPIRE. WHICH REALLY SUCKS BECAUSE IT’S REALLY HARD TO ORDER A NICE TALL GLASS OF WARM BLOOD IN A RESTAURANT”
ONCE THE PASSAGE FADES INTO THE DISTANCE, THE CAMERA LOWERS ONTO A LARGE SPACE SHIP. SHOT FADES INTO A CAFETERIA ON BOARD THE SHIP. ASHE AND ALEC ARE SITTING AT ONE OF THE TABLES ON THE SHIP. ALEC HAS A PLATE OF FOOD IN FRONT OF HIM. ASHE HAS A THERMOS IN PLACE OF A PLATE AND IS SHINING THE BLADE OF HIS DAGGER.
ALEC
Okay, I don’t get it
ASHE
Get what? I’m a vampire, I need to drink blood, and I like it warm. Hence the thermos
ALEC
Not that, smartass, where we are. I thought starwars was just a movie. Yet here we are, sending Sam through anger management with Yoda. And wasn’t everything that happened in Starwars supposed to have happened ‘along time ago in a galaxy far far away’? We jumped into the future
ASHE
I try not to question the things that happen in my life. Slayers and blood sucking vampires are supposed all be fiction too.
ASHE SMILED AT ALEC, SHOWING HIS FANGS
ASHE
But clearly that’s all true
ALEC LAUGHED AND TOOK ANOTHER BITE OF HIS FOOD. ASHE RETURNED HIS ATTENTION TO HIS DAGGER
ALEC
How are your Jedi training classes going?
ASHE RAISED AN EYEBROW AT ALEC
ASHE
Jedi training class? Not ALL fiction has become reality you know
ALEC
Well, it sounded cooler than “Battle training”
ASHE
True. They’re pretty cool. I like the enhanced strength part of being a vampire.
ALEC
Any leads on the where-abouts of Elijah and Ellie?
ASHE
None yet. But I’m sure they’ll do something big that’ll catch our attention
THE LIGHTS BEGAN TO BLINK RED AND AN ALARM WENT OFF. AN AUTOMATED VOICE SAID “FIVE MINUTES TO SELF-DESTRUCT. EVACUATE ALL PERSONNEL IMMEDIATELY”
ALEC
Whose turn is it?
ASHE
Mine...
ASHE TURNED HIS CHAIR SO HE WAS FACING A CONTROL PANEL. THERE WAS A RED BUTTON ENCASED IN CLASS. ASHE INSTANTLY THREW HIS DAGGER AT THE RED BUTTON. THE DAGGER’S BLADE PENETRATED THE GLASS CASE, ALLOWING IT TO PUSH THE RED BUTTON. THE LIGHTS RETURNED TO NORMAL AND THE ALARM STOPPED. THE AUTOMATED VOICE SAID “SELF-DESTRUCT DEACTIVATED”
ASHE CASUALLY TURNED HIS CHAIR BACK TO FACE ALEC
ALEC
Nice work
ASHE SMILED PROUDLY AND NODDED.
ALEC
He should be coming in here soon...
ASHE AND ALEC SILENTLY COUNTED DOWN FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO - THEY BOTH TURNED TO THE DOOR TO THE CAFETERIA WHEN RICHARD CAME RUNNING IN.
RICHARD
Hey guys...
ALEC
Trying to blow yourself up early today, I see
RICHARD
It was an accident
ASHE
Isn’t it always?
ALEC
You’re lucky we installed those deactivation buttons in more than one room
ASHE
What’d you do this time?
RICHARD
I was playing with my light saber in the engine room...
ALEC
Light saber?
ASHE
For the last time, Richard, that sword is NOT a light saber. And it’s MY sword
ALEC
Why does he think that sword is a light saber anyway?
ASHE
It lights on fire when a demon or danger is near
ALEC
So it should light up the minute Richard gets near it
ASHE
You’d think that. Richard keeps taking it from me and basically puts himself in danger so he can watch it light up
RICHARD
I do not
ASHE
Oh really? Then why were you in the engine room, with MY sword
RICHARD
Heh, flaming swords are cool
ASHE ROLLED HIS EYES. HE PULLED OUT ANOTHER DAGGER AND THREW IT AT THE DART BOARD BEHIND ALEC. THE DAGGER HIT THE BULLSEYE.
ALEC
You’re gonna ruin that dart board if you keep that up
SAM STORMED INTO THE CAFETERIA MUMBLING SOMETHING UNDER HER BREATH. ASHE AND ALEC WATCHED HER TRYING TO HOLD BACK THEIR LAUGHTER. SAM SAW THEM AND GLARED AT ASHE.
SAM
Go ahead, Ashe, just say it
ASHE
Very angry, you are
ASHE AND ALEC LAUGHED. RICHARD SAT DOWN NEXT TO ASHE AND BEGAN TO BUILD A TOWER OUT OF SILVERWARE.
SAM
Ha ha, laugh it up. You’re day will come
ASHE
Oh, my day came. Look at me, I’ve been eternally damned
ALEC
So I take it the anger management isn’t going well
SAM
He has me meditating and he constantly talks about ‘searching my feelings’ My time could be much better spent
ALEC
By fighting and breaking stuff?
SAM
His methods are ridiculous
ASHE
Yeah, especially since you don’t have any feelings to search
ASHE AND ALEC LAUGHED. SAM RIPPED ASHE’S DAGGER OUT OF THE DART BOARD AND THREW IT AT ASHE. IT PIERCED ASHE IN THE CHEST OVER HIS HEART. ASHE LOOKED DOWN AT HIS CHEST THEN BACK AT SAM.
ASHE
Damnit, Sam...I just got this shirt
SAM
You’re the only freak in the galaxy that can’t be killed by being stabbed in the heart
ALEC
Yeah, it’s not exactly fair you know.
ASHE
Well, considering Sam stakes me on a daily bases, I’d say it’s fair
SAM
Just because you were made a half-ling through the necromonicon...one of these days, I’m going to fix all that so I can hurt you for real
ASHE
I may be immortal, but that hurt
SAM
It did not, you freak
ASHE
Well, it could have
SAM GLARED AT ASHE, THEN LEAPED ONTO THE TABLE AND KICKED THE DAGGER IN SO THE HANDLE WAS PRESSED AGAINST HIS CHEST.
ASHE
Temper temper Sam. I wouldn’t want to report your behavior to Yoda
SAM
Go ahead. That muppet doesn’t scare me
ASHE PULLED THE DAGGER OUT OF HIS CHEST AND LOOKED AT THE HOLE IN HIS SHIRT
ASHE
Maybe I can start a new trend; since all my shirts look like this
SAM
Dream on, Freak
OPENING CREDITS ROLL
SCENE ONE;
SCENE OPENS WITH ASHE AND ALEC WALKING DOWN A HALL TOGETHER.
ALEC
So what do we do if we’re wrong about Ellie?
ASHE
What do you mean?
ALEC
What if she isn’t under any spell, and-
ASHE
She’s under a spell
ALEC
What makes you so sure? I mean, what if she really does want ultimate control?
ASHE
You don’t know her like I do. Trust me, she’s under a spell, and I intend to undo it
ALEC NODDED.
ALEC
So why is it that when we send Sam through anger management, she gets worse? I thought those classes were supposed to help
ASHE
Maybe it’s because she doesn’t understand the concept of being nice
ASHE’S BODY JERKED FORWARD. A WOODEN STEAK PROTRUDED FROM HIS BACK.
ALEC
It’s a good thing she can’t actually kill you, she would have a long time ago
ASHE
Damnit Sam, that really hurts!
SAM
Good. That’s for signing me up to take classes with a gremlin
ASHE TRIED TO REACH THE STEAK, BUT WAS HAVING TROUBLE
ALEC
I got it, Bro
ALEC YANKED THE STEAK OUT OF ASHE. ASHE WINCED SLIGHTLY
SAM PULLED A DAGGER OUT AND THREW IT AT ASHE AS HE TURNED TO FACE HER. THE DAGGER HIT ASHE IN THE FOREHEAD.
ASHE
OUCH! Quit it!
SAM
Isn’t there any way to kill you?!
ASHE
We’ve been through this...no! Now would you stop with the stabbing? It hurts
SAM
Stop whining you big baby. And stop bad mouthing me behind my back
ASHE
Well I would, but when I say it to your face, I end up with pointy objects in my body
ASHE POINTED TO HIS FOREHEAD
ALEC
Speaking of pointy objects, don’t you think you should take that out before your wound heals and it’s sealed in you
ASHE
Impossible. It’s a blade, it’ll come out
ASHE TRIES TO PULL THE DAGGER OUT OF HIS FOREHEAD, BUT IT DOESN’T MOVE. HE LOOKS AT ALEC AND SAM AND GIVES A FAKE SMILE, THEN TRIES AGAIN. SAM SMIRKS
ALEC
Impossible huh? You should know by now that when it comes to your luck, nothing is impossible
SAM
Allow me...
SAM GRABS THE DAGGER AND RIPS IT OUT OF ASHE’S HEAD
ASHE
OUCH!!
SAM SMIRKED AT ASHE, SPUN THE DAGGER IN HER HAND, AND PUT IT BACK IN A SPOT ON HER BELT LOOP. ASHE RUBBED HIS FOREHEAD WHERE THE WOUND USED TO BE
ASHE
You’re lucky I heal fast
SAM
Or what? You’ll sick little green men on me?
ALEC
No, just one
SAM
See me shaking
ASHE ROLLS HIS EYES AND NOTICES SOMEONE DRESSED COMPLETELY IN BLACK LEAVING HIS ROOM CAREFULLY. THE MASKED PERSON IS HOLDING ASHE’S FLAMING SWORD.
ASHE
That’s it! Richard!
RICHARD
What?
RICHARD APPEARED BEHIND ASHE. ASHE JUMPED AND TURNED AROUND. HE LOOKED AT RICHARD THEN AT THE PERSON DRESSED IN BLACK.
ASHE
Wait, if you’re here...then who?
THE PERSON LOOKED AT ASHE, THEN TOOK STARTED TO RUN. ASHE ZIPPED OVER TO THE PERSON. SUDDENLY HE WAS STANDING IN FRONT OF THE THIEF. THE THIEF JUMPED BACK STARTLED AND THE SWORD LIT ON FIRE. THE THIEF LOOKED AT THE SWORD, THEN AT ASHE. ASHE SMILED AND SHOWED HIS FANGS. THE THIEF FELL BACKWARDS, STILL HOLDING THE FLAMING SWORD.
ASHE
What’s the matter? Never saw a vampire before?
ASHE STEPPED ON THE THIEF’S HAND AND RECLAIMED HIS SWORD. THE FLAMES DISAPPEARED.
ASHE
There...all better. Now, stand up and take the mask off.
THE THIEF STOOD UP AND REMOVED THE MASK, REVEALING THAT THE THIEF IS A WOMAN.
ALEC
A woman?
RICHARD WAS STARING AT HER IN AWE
RICHARD
And WHAT a woman!
ASHE
What’s your name?
WOMAN
Jill Vanity
ASHE
Vanity huh....what a coincidence
RICHARD
I hear music
ALEC
Is there a beam of light shining on her too?
RICHARD
...yeah....
ALEC LAUGHED.
ALEC
Go for it, man
RICHARD WALKED UP TO JILL CAUTIOUSLY
RICHARD
Do you like...jeeps?
JILL LAUGHED
JILL
Are you kidding?! Jeeps are the only vehicle I steel. They’re the best get-away vehicles
RICHARD’S JAW DROPPED. ASHE’S SWORD LIT ON FIRE. ASHE JUMPED SLIGHTLY
ASHE
Whoa...
ASHE LOOKED AT THE OTHERS. ALEC, SAM, AND ASHE BEGIN TO LAUGH. RICHARD QUICKLY STRAIGHTENED UP AND LOOKED AT HER CALMLY
RICHARD
This way madam...
JILL SMILED AT HIM AND FOLLOWED.
SCENE TWO; ASHE IS RESTING ON THE COT IN HIS ROOM FLIPPING THROUGH A OLD BOOK THAT TRANSLATES THE NECROMONICON. HE SIGHS AND STANDS UP STRETCHING AND RUBBING HIS EYES. HIS ATTENTION TURNS TO HIS SWORD. HE PICKS IT UP AND BEGINS TRAINING WITH THE SWORD. SUDDENLY THE SWORD BURST INTO A FLAMES. ASHE LOOKED AT THE SWORD CURIOUSLY. SLOWLY HE TURNED AROUND TO SEE ELLIE. ELLIE SMILED AT HIM. HER HAIR WAS BLACK AND HER EYES MATCHED. SHE WORE A DARK RED DRESS.
ASHE
What do you want?
ELLIE
You’re getting stronger by the day. It’s amazing what a daily supply of blood and a little weapons training can do for you.
ASHE POINTED THE FLAMING SWORD AT HER SO SHE COULDN’T COME ANY CLOSER
ASHE
You didn’t answer my question
ELLIE LOOKED AT THE SWORD. SHE RAISED HER HAND SO HER PALM WAS AN INCH AWAY FROM THE TIP OF THE BLADE. THE FLAMES ON THE SWORD FADED. ASHE LOOKED AT THE SWORD AND THEN AT ELLIE WHO LOWERED HER HAND. HE SLOWLY PUT THE SWORD DOWN. ELLIE STEPPED CLOSER TO HIM PLACING HER HAND ON HIS CHEST. SHE LOOKED HIM IN THE EYE
ELLIE
You know what I want
ASHE TOOK HER HAND AND REMOVED IT FROM HIS CHEST
ASHE
I’m no one’s body guard
ELLIE
Really? You used to look after me all the time
ASHE
That was before....when you cared about others. I don’t know who you are now
ELLIE LIGHTLY TOUCHED HIS FACE
ELLIE
I’m the same person you’ve always known....except with a little more self confidence...
SHE LEANS IN AND KISSES ASHE. ASHE CLOSES HIS EYES AND ENJOYS THE KISS. SUDDENLY HIS EYES OPEN AND HE PUSHES ELLIE AWAY.
ASHE
This isn’t you...you aren’t really here
ELLIE
What are you talking about?
ASHE BEGAN CIRCLING ELLIE
ASHE
You’re not really here. You’re somewhere far away with Elijah. You’re not real...the REAL Ellie is playing with my mind somehow. You’re not here...
ELLIE SMILED AT ASHE THEN DISAPPEARED. THERE IS A KNOCK AT ASHE’S DOOR. ASHE SIGHS, THEN OPENS THE DOOR. JILL IS STANDING ON THE OTHER SIDE, SLIGHTLY NERVOUS.
ASHE
Can I help you?
JILL
I....just wanted to apologize for trying to steal your sword.
ASHE
Don’t worry about it
JILL NODDED.
JILL
So are you really a vampire?
ASHE
...So it would seem...
ASHE TURNED AND WALKED OVER TO HIS BED AND SAT DOWN ON IT. JILL FOLLOWED HIM SUDDENLY INTERESTED IN TALKING TO HIM.
JILL
So you have to do the whole suck blood thing
ASHE
I prefer not to. But yeah, I have to drink blood, and watch out for little miss slayer
JILL
Slayer? Who’s the slayer?
ASHE
The Evil Bitch Monster of Death....usually answers to Sam
JILL
Wait....that woman that keeps stabbing you?
ASHE
Yeah...she’s a slayer gone stab happy
JILL
Aren’t you worried she’ll dust you some day?
ASHE
I would be...if I could die. I was made from the Necromonicon Ex Mortes
JILL
The book of the dead...
ASHE
You’ve heard of it?
JILL
No. But that’s what Necromonicon Ex Mortes translates into....roughly
ASHE STARED AT HER CURIOUSLY. HE FLIPPED TO A PAGE IN HIS NECROMONICON TRANSLATOR BOOK AND SHOWED IT TO HER. THE PAGE WAS A COPY OF A PAGE FROM THE NECROMONICON
ASHE
Can you read this?
JILL TOOK THE BOOK FROM ASHE AND READ OVER IT.
JILL
Yes, it says that a person can cast a spell on the opposite sex to make their desires equal. Kind of like an intellectual control. But the caster isn’t actually controlling them the entire time. It’s usually used as a love spell. You know, like ‘I like you, so I’ll use this spell and you’ll be head over heals for me’
ASHE
How do you remove the spell?
JILL
Well, it says that either the caster can remove it, or the person who the spell was put on has to be drained of energy to the point of death. That way their body and mind are so weak that the spell just disappears and the person’s true self is left to heal. But it seems like it’s really hard to do without killing the person.
ASHE ROLLS HIS EYES
ASHE
Great...
JILL
Richard said something about you fighting the dark side and saving the princess...is that what this is about?
ASHE
In a way. A close friend of mine was put under that spell
JILL
By who? It says here that the spell can only be cast if the caster kisses the person he/she wants to control
ASHE
By her boy friend Elijah. I knew that guy was trouble...
ASHE LOOKED AT JILL
ASHE
Wait...Richard told you...what do you see in that guy, seriously
JILL
He makes me laugh. And he has this innocents about him...
ASHE
He’s a child! A simple minded freak!
JILL
He’s smarter than you think
ASHE
Yes, I’m aware that he’s a genius. The least he could do is act like one.
JILL
He just needs some affection
ASHE
What he needs is a swift kick in the ass
JILL HANDED ASHE HIS BOOK BACK
JILL
No, I think that’s what your friend, Sam, needs
ASHE
She needs a lot of things...
SCENE FOUR; ASHE AND ALEC ARE SITTING IN THE CAFETERIA. ALEC HAS A MEAL IN FRONT OF HIM, AND ASHE HAS A THERMOS WITH BLOOD INSIDE. ASHE WAS HOLDING HIS FLAMING SWORD IN HIS HAND AND HE WAS SHINING IT
ALEC
I’m glad to see you’re finally warming up to me Bro...
ASHE GAVE ALEC A LOOK THEN RETURNED TO HIS SWORD.
ALEC
Don’t give me that look. You’re warming up to me....
ASHE
I wanna kill Richard, Sam is a slayer bitch who keeps stabbing me, and Ellie has run off trying to conquer the universe. Who else am I gonna talk to?
THE LIGHTS BLINK RED, A SIREN SOUNDS, AND AN AUTOMATED VOICE SPEAKS “FIVE MINUTES UNTIL SELF DISTRUST”.
ASHE
Damnit, I thought since Richard was preoccupied with Jill, he wouldn’t have time to find ways to blow up the ship.
ALEC
In Richard’s mind, there’s always time to blow things up.
ALEC PULLS A GUN OUT OF HIS BELT AND FIRES IT AT THE RED BUTTON BY THE DOOR. HE HITS IT AND THE ALARM SILENCES, THE LIGHTS RETURN TO NORMAL, AND THE AUTOMATED VOICE SAYS “SELF-DESTRUCT DEACTIVATED”
ALEC
Besides, Jill is a thief, she might have tripped it this time...
ASHE
...did I mention she can read the necromonicon?
ALEC
Really? Looks like we have our Ellie replacement
ASHE GLARED AT ALEC AND INSTANTLY PULLED A DAGGER FROM HIS BELT AND THREW IT AT THE DART BOARD BEHIND ALEC’S HEAD, NEARLY MISSING HIS EAR, AND HIT THE BULLSEYE.
ALEC
I didn’t mean it that way. Ellie was the only one out our group that could read that book
ASHE GAVE ALEC A LOOK AND PICKED HIS THERMOS UP. SAM STORMED INTO THE CAFETERIA. SHE SAW THE DAGGER IN THE DART BOARD AGAIN, WALKED OVER, YANKED IT OUT AND THREW IT AT ASHE’S HAND. THE DAGGER WENT THROUGH HIS HAND AND INTO THE THERMOS. THE FORCE OF THE DAGGER MADE THERMOS SMACK HIM IN THE MOUTH. ASHE CHECKED HIS TEETH THEN GLARED AT SAM
ASHE
Damnit, Sam...
HE HELD HIS HAND IN THE AIR AND LET GO OF THE THERMOS. THE THERMOS STUCK TO HIS PALM, PINNED BY THE DAGGER. ASHE TRIED SHAKING THE THERMOS OFF, BUT IT DIDN’T MOVE. HE GRIPPED THE HANDLE OF THE DAGGER WITH HIS OTHER HAND AND RIPPED THE DAGGER OUT. HIS THERMOS FELL ON THE TABLE, SPILLING BLOOD EVERYWHERE.
ASHE
What is your problem?!
RICHARD ENTERED THE ROOM FOLLOWED BY JILL
RICHARD
I just wanted to let you know, that this time it wasn’t my fault
ALEC
Let me guess....the devil made you do it
RICHARD
No...
JILL
He didn’t even leave his room
ASHE
So he found a new and creative way to blow up the ship from his room?
RICHARD
Wrong again
JILL
Seriously, it wasn’t Richard. He was with me...
ASHE
I beg you not to continue with the details...
ALEC
Well if Richard didn’t do it, and Jill didn’t do it, then....
ALEC PAUSED THEN SLOWLY ASHE AND ALEC LOOKED AT SAM
SAM
Oh shutup!
ALEC
What the hell did you do?!
SAM
Kermit told me to find a new way to relieve my anger
ASHE
So you tried to blow up the ship?!
SAM
No, smartass, I wanted to do some more training, but that little ankle biter was in every freaking training room
ALEC
So?
SAM
So I went to the engine room...
ASHE AND ALEC ROLL THEIR EYES
ASHE
She’s as bad as Richard
SAM GLARED AT ASHE. ASHE’S SWORD LIT ON FIRE AS SAM LEAPED ONTO THE TABLE AND TOOK IT FROM HIM. SHE SPUN THE SWORD IN HER HAND AND STABBED ASHE THROUGH THE HEART. A HISSING SOUND IS HEARD AND SMOKE CAME OFF OF ASHE’S BODY. THE FLAMES DISAPPEARED. SAM SMIRKED AT SAM AND LEFT THE ROOM.
ALEC
Maybe we should tell Yoda that she relieves her anger by impaling you
ASHE
Lets not...
ASHE PULLED THE SWORD OUT OF HIS CHEST. ALEC WRINKLED HIS NOSE
ALEC
Woo! You stink
ASHE
Since when does burnt flesh smell good?
ASHE PICKED UP HIS NOW LEAKING THERMOS. HE SIGHED AND THREW IT AT A TRASH CAN IN THE CORNER OF THE ROOM.
ALEC
....Swish...
ASHE
You know...I don’t think there is one think I own that she hasn’t stabbed or destroyed
ALEC
It’s how she relieves her stress
ASHE
I thought that’s what you were for....aren’t you her little love slave?
ALEC
That’s not how she relieves stress. That’s how she gets energized
ASHE SHUDDERS
ASHE
Sorry I asked
JILL LOOKS AT RICHARD
JILL
So what do we do now?
RICHARD LOOKS AT THE SCREEN AND SPEAKS IN AN OVER DRAMATIC VOICE
RICHARD
Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of Life in General...
A CAFETERIA TRAY WITH A HALF EATEN MEAL HITS RICHARD IN THE HEAD, AND HE FALLS OFF VIEW OF THE SCREEN. HEARD IN THE BACKGROUND
ALEC
Hey, I was still eating that...
ASHE
Oh get over it
CLOSING CREDITS ROLL
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