| Subject: Life |
Author:
Cricket
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Date Posted: 02:11:29 07/05/18 Thu
Time. Time passes. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, yet it passes.
I have, for the past three days, sat here reading. Reading my life. It is so strange that it can be captured as it is, written in ink and blood on pages of crackling parchment or rich silk and bound in leather and wood.
My son brought them to me last year to celebrate the winter solstice. For months all I could do was stare at them from across the room, as if they held some poison or sickness. Eventually I took them into my hands and let them lay on my lap, but it was not until this summer that I was able to open the first and begin to read.
I never asked him how he came to have them, or why he handed them to me, or even if he had read them.
Now that I have read them all, I am glad for it in a strange way. So odd to read these passages and find myself recalling all those years.
Of course there are things missing. Things I did not write down, and all the years before I had a journal at all.
Still, there is much history here and to read it carries me back over the ages.
I am growing old now. I have been ever since I ended my last pregnancy. Perhaps when I spurned the gift, it broke. I no longer care.
In true human years, I suppose I am nearing the age of 80 or 90. Too many years for anyone I believe.
They say I do not look it, but certainly there are days when I feel it. My memory is not as good as it was in days past. I have forgotten much. Reading the journals has reminded me of many things and I find it pleasant to review them. Even the most painful days of my past are unable to haunt me now.
Life here in Verbena Hills remains pleasant and comfortable for all of us. There is no price on my head, no one searches for me, no danger is present and all my children are safe and doing well.
For awhile I sutained the business at the brothel in Ebotai and the ownership of the Goats Leg Tavern. I still receive a stipend from the Menagerie and have leased the mineral rights in Phyrexia for a steady income.
Just this year I sold the brothel and the tavern and I no longer worry about those finances. Benjamin has taken over the books for Verbena Hills and all of my family sees to it that things are kept in order.
Meg is getting old now and Rizza takes care of her as Meg once took care of me. I once asked Meg (years ago) if she would not care to marry and have children of her own and she told me with the deepest gaze that she would never love anyone but her Master. This stung at the time, but I understand it on a deep level. She was devoted to Lucas and will remain so until her death. That fact is still true.
Rizza gave birth to a son, Michael, and his young laughter still rings in the halls here. It is nice to have children about. Khal's children are older now, in their teens, but they still come to visit me and read to me from time to time.
Alantha and Elemmiire come to see me at least once a year, but their lives are outside these walls. They are capable, beautiful and extremely wealthy. I do not suppose I will ever understand the Drowish side of them, but that is alright. I love them both the same. They still live together in the Northern mountains, but what they do is not for me to know. It is enough that they keep in contact with me and are doing well.
I do not know the fate of Arcolin. I can only assume that he remains a son of Gaia and safe within Her arms. I wonder sometimes if he ever thinks of the mother that gave birth to him and left him a tiny cricket charm. I do not regret giving him over though. Not then and not now. I did what was right for him. In truth, I hope he never thinks of me at all.
All of the family here, Khal, his wife and children, Luke, Meg, Rizza, Benjamin, Solomon, Laura, Michael and the twins when they deign to appear..we all seem content and happy in our lives. The only sad thing to have happened in the last two years is that the dogs have passed on. Luke keeps threatening to get me a cat, but I know he is only teasing. He has his fathers good humor. Lately he has been dating a girl by the name of Nica. She is sweet and lovely and seems enamored with him. I like her very much. I see a family in Luke's future and I do hope I live to see his children born.
Reading these old journals has brought back to mind so many faces and places. I find myself a little sad to realize that so many years have passed that it is inevitable I will never see any of them again.
I am sure that Majidah found her end somewhere, as did so many others.
I have heard faint rumors of a man with an eye patch that runs a tavern on the southern coast, in a town where they speak a strange language. I feel that may be Ciro.
There are tales of a winged beast in a land three continents away where it is said people live a second life. I have also heard rumors of a red headed fortune hunter that was swept away there. Could this be R'Auco and Spade? Perhaps.
I have never heard anything about Lucas. Not rumor, nor tale nor lie. I suppose he really is dead, but some tiny part of me has never believed it. It still whispers in some early hours of the morning sometimes. I know he would be so proud of his son.
The rumors I heard of Khaless' imprisonement and death seem to be true, for no other whispers have I heard of him. I do not feel him anymore. The twins never speak of him, but I know they miss their father. We have never heard anything of Eiradium or Bette.
I know Aloysius was still alive a few years ago, but in truth, how many years can someone drink the way he does before it kills them.
I have not heard or seen Trevor since the days he brought my son back to me, but I know he is still out there and would come if I ever truly needed him. I am sure he keeps an eye out on his son, but leaves him be as he knows it is what Khal wants.
I miss Indigo and Rose still. I keep hyacinth and roses in the garden for them and their sweet smell comes into my room on summer mornings. It is as if they bless me with that soft fragrance.
Rizza and Laura take good care of all of us, as do Benjamin and Solomon. Khal stops in at least once a week and Meg goes to his home in Lathport to help his wife from time to time.
Winters are mild here and summers are not too warm. I still love the sun and on my good days, I still sit outside and warm my old bones. I like to draw maps and play cards and still enjoy a glass of whiskey when Rizza lets me have one!
I do not think there will be many more entries in this journal, for my adventuring days are at an end and there is little to write about. When I die, my journals will be in the possession of my children and for that I am glad.
Memories and dreams are still with me, but I no longer feel haunted or plagued. I believe I am nearing the end of my life and that I shall be blessed to pass into darkness here in this peaceful place with my children at my side.
It is more than I deserve and certainly more than I ever expected.
~Cricket~
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