coming out -- Coming out @ CCU

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Subject: coming out

Author:
cherie

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Date Posted: 07:51:44 10/09/07 Tue

I am a 27 year old woman. I am married with a 10 month old daughter. I have been in a relationship with my husband for 10 years and married for a little over a year. I have such a heavy heart right now. I feel so trapped and confused.

I remember being around 10 years old when I first became attracted to females. There was this girl named Freda and I would spend the night over her house. We would kiss and hump and stuff like that. We did it for a couple of times and she wanted to stop. From that point we kind of grew apart from one another.

Well I went through elementary, middle school, high school, and college, being somewhat attracted to women, but never knew how to pursue a relationship with a woman. If a woman would have approached me, I am sure I would have gone through with it...but no one ever did. So all those years I dated guys. Went from one sexual relationship to another...never feeling truly comfortable. I think I just wanted the attention and the brief feeling of someone wanting me.

It wasn't until I married that I had my first lesbian experience. My husband works alot of hours and I bought this computer. I noticed all the chatrooms and read some of the entries women were making. I realized that there were alot of women just like me. So I engaged in a conversation with a woman by the name of Jamie. She was also married and we both shared similar experiences. We seemed to really click. We conversated on the phone for a while until I built the courage to go visit her for weekend. The first experience was one that I will always remember. She felt so good to me. So soft....so warm....so delicious. Although we broke up about 3 months later......I never felt so good with anyone before. So now I am with another woman. She is a lesbian and has been one for years. She is extremely sweet and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. We have discussed me divorcing, my child, and even moving in together soon there after. Of course, I have no idea ! how to begin to tell my husband. I want the comfort of being married, but I want to be with her too. I don't even desire sex from my husband anymore. I want my girlfriend. Coming out is so difficult........I pray I am strong enough to make the right decision. If anyone has advice for me...email me at Prettibab3@aol.com.

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