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Date Posted: 09:21:08 10/25/99 Mon
Author: "The Lumberjack" Steve Black
Subject: Hardcore Heaven or Hell?
Transmission begins...
The Scene: Ciccerelli Arena, Sarnia, Ontario. The house lights dim, and the Jumbo-Tron comes on showing static… The words “The Presidential Hit Squad” flash on the screen then fade back to static… The image of President Vengeance looking pissed off with his hands raised appears then fades to static… A clip of Chucky lying on the mat broken and bleeding flashes up and fades out… An image of “The Lumberjack” in somebody else’s ring, covered with blood and holding a chainsaw appears then fades… The voice of Vengeance leader of “The Presidential Hit Squad” and President of the TTSWF explodes through the arena speakers.
You want to take the Hardcore Title away from the Hit Squad??? We’re gonna mess you up boy!
The Lumberjack by Jackyl is pumped throughout the arena. The crowd cheers because everyone loves a winner. Dr. Ed Tyro leads the 7’4” 455lb Steve Black through the curtain and down the entrance ramp. Black is wearing a pair of buckskin pants, black boots and the TTSWF Hardcore title over his shoulder. Tyro is wearing an old stained lab coat hospital green pants, and is staggering around shit faced drunk. Black also appears to be carrying a Chucky doll by one leg. As Black and Tyro reach the ring the ring one of the TTSWF tech staff hands each of them a mic. The disembodied voice of Jeff Pettingzoo comes from somewhere in the back, and his face appears on the Jumbo-Tron
JP: After the incidents which occurred in your last two interviews I will be staying in the back.
Hi Jeff!!!
Black waves enthusiastically at nothing with the Chucky doll.
Shhhh. Stevie Let me do the t… t… talking!
Stevie seems despondent but remains quiet. Tyro’s drunkenness is causing slurred speech.
Dr. Tyro Your “man” has a big matchup on Flames defending the Hardcore Title against the former champ Chucky.
I wanna play with Chucky! I WANNA PLAY WITH CHUCKY!!!!!!!!!!
Stevie I tollll you tuh bee quiet! The Lubber… The Lubber… The Lumberjack is gonna make the biggest bloody mess out of Sucky that the TTSWF has ever seen!
Would you care to comment on Steve’s mental condition? You are a psychiatrist after all. .
Tyro gestures expansively and takes a drink from a flask that he keeps in an inside pocket.
Steve is in perfffuct psychologimiical health. He is as stable as you or me……
Dr. Tyro takes another drink from his flask shudder’s a little bit and passes out on the spot. Upon seeing Ed pass out Stevie straightens his back and drops the doll.
Oh my… I guess that just leaves you and me Stevie to finish the interview….
I fail to see the matter with which you are concerned Jeffery. And the name is Stephen. Will reporters ever get anything right.
Stephen shakes his head in disbelief. Then noticing the inert form of Dr. Tyro shakes his head and makes tsk tsk tsk sounds. He also reaches down and picks up the Chucky doll and stuffs it into his belt.
It seems that drink has overwhelmed the good doctor again. On a different topic, has Stevie been out here? This is definitely his Chucky doll. I just purchased it for him on Saturday.
Pettingzoo’s face on the Jumbo-Tron looks totally confused. .
Stephen uh… what are your thoughts on the upcoming match with Chucky?
I believe it will be another easy victory.
Stephen leans into the mic, and gestures to the crowd. .
Chucky! Tuesday Night is going to be yet another humiliation for you. Look at the facts you simply do not have the mettle to stand against me in the squared circle. I will give you this pledge my poor misguided little adversary. I will try not to end your career tomorrow night.
Stephen drops the mic and picks up Tyro like a bag of flour. Almost as an afterthought he scoops the mic back up.
One more thing Chuckeroo. I have the odds on my side, When you fight one of “The Hit Squad” you fight all of us. It won’t be just I the TTSWF Hardcore Champ you are facing but it may also be El Toreador, the World Champion, or Golden Boy, Ric Anderson the future North American Champion. Not to mention the most diabolical man in Pro-Wrestling today President Vengeance.
Stephen once again drops the mic, then steps over the top rope and wanders up the aisle. “The Lumberjack” comes back on and Stephen dances a little jig through the curtain.
Fade to static...
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