| Subject: Country Girl and The Paddle From Hell |
Author:
JD Winchester
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Date Posted: 07:17:20 11/16/24 Sat
Again, when I was in the 6th Grade in Miss Mellinger's class, one day a "country girl" (don’t recall her actual name) brought in a homemade paddle her dad had fashioned, for her to present to Miss Mellinger, as something of a gift offering. I know that sounds totally bizarre TODAY, but you have to consider the time this took place, several years ago.
I don't know what this girl's dad did for a living but if it was woodworking, the family was surely starving...it was just about the most horrible example of wood craftsmanship I had EVER seen in my LIFE; it was utterly indescribable for how CRUDE and HORRIBLE it was. It had a row of really small holes drilled down the length of this hunk of lumber that did not go all the way through…and they were not even in a straight line…it totally looked as though a drunk had drilled them.
You have to remember, Miss Mellinger really was not a "paddling teacher," other than the one-time mass paddling and a VERY FEW other instances. OTOH, some of the old biddy teachers who seemed to surround our classroom, were fans of the paddle and used it frequently…we could often hear the smacks in the hallway.
A couple of these old biddies were also often intrusive in our classroom, as if they were "handling" Miss Mellinger's business for her, which I know she resented but maybe felt a little intimidated by them, probably due to the significant age differences and years of teaching experience. As good, effective teachers, I doubt they were fit to lick Miss Mellinger’s shoes.
In any event, several weeks after Country Girl presented Miss Mellinger with that monstrosity of a paddle, it still sat on a table adjacent to her desk, entirely untouched. I’m guessing she didn’t know what to do with it since it was a “gift,” but it surely would have been best used as firewood.
Then on this one fateful day, one of the old biddy teachers invited herself into our classroom as if she owned the place, telling Miss Mellinger that one of her students had committed some kind of "heinous crime" on the school campus during the most recent recess. Turns out, this old battle-axe had witnessed Country Girl committing the “high crime” of kissing a boy on campus, during recess.
The old bag teacher ordered the hapless girl to come to the front of the classroom where she commenced to angrily scold and lecture her. As her lecture was winding down, the old woman spotting the "paddle-from-hell" sitting on the table, probably assuming this was Miss Mellinger’s standard paddle. She picked it up and then wrapped up her lecture to this poor girl who was practically in tears already, by telling her to bend over, immediately.
Country Girl's back had been to the wall while she was being scolded, so she just nervously bent over where she was standing. Of course, now her butt was inaccessible, as it was just 2 or 3 inches from the wall behind her. This seemed to infuriate the old teacher even more, perhaps thinking she was being mocked, and she angrily ordered Country Girl to stand up, turn around, and bend over again.
It became somewhat comical to watch, almost like a Keystone Kops routine, and the whole episode elicited giggling from the entire class. We were immediately admonished to knock it off, lest we wanted to join her. Miss Mellinger sat in silence while Country Girl bent ALL the way over to touch her toes and got 3 really hard licks on the seat of her skirt.
Ironically, Country Girl was the ONLY student to EVER get paddled with the freak-of-nature paddle her dad had made. I’ve no doubt Miss Mellinger threw that horrible piece of wood in a dumpster, at the end of that school year.
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