| Subject: This doesn't count as a reply - bits and pieces from the day |
Author:
 hunger_thirst
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Date Posted: 16:59:10 12/07/24 Sat
Author Host/IP: 89.sub-97-148-184.myvzw.com/97.148.184.89
Why would I work you up leading to today of all days? Simple, you're mine. Mine to work up, as much as I'm yours. The ghost of you in my head every day, and a need - a NEED - of you spurring me on days like this. Sure, you are out there, in the world, dazzling people who think they have you, but you're mine at the end of every day. Full stop.
Seeing Wicked? I'm jealous, seeing it in theatres is on my list but just hasn't happened yet. Soonish maybe?
Tables at a party - the last time I went to a party composed of mostly people I didn't know, I panicked and started talking about wage theft.
The difference between friends/acquaintances you're down for vs. what you know to be a bad idea - man I have been THERE. It's a tightrope of how much willpower I feel like having at the moment. Usually I'm good, I'm a totally safe person. Sometimes I'm hungry. But! The thing that has most often saved folks in my path is ... they're not you. Do I really want to deal with all the boring predictable drama from someone who can't even do a passing version of you?
I have probably explained this, but here - I'll do it again. I have a history of nudging people in the right direction, carefully laying a path out, slowly over time developing them - giving them the skills, just in the hopes I conjure up a shadow of you. It works to varying levels of not-quite-success, I have managed to get someone to a passable level. Them + a ghost of you in my head manages to be good - not great. I'm too disinterested in the inevitable "and what now" conversations to go there for good not great. ALSO - can people not just... enjoy a moment and let it go? Why is it always "and what now." There's a lot of people I'd give a moment to - if I could trust it was just a moment, but people always want to hold on...and it's hard to explain that I'm not a thing to be held. You get it.
A note here to say - hey, I was your niece once upon a time.
I have this idea of calling you - saying hey, whatcha doing? Cool cool, tell them you're sorry, something important came up and you have to take this call. Having you perform a one sided business conversation while I get off in your ear.
Wanting to rile you up isn't normally my jam - you know that. The core of me only wants to be your good good girl. But something about the need of you and the inability to satiate it - the thought that you're out there as frustrated as me is mmmmm very good. Very good. I'll take the scraps I can get for now. I'll be 100% good in the future, on a day I have you in person.
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