~Tears fall...~ -- Moonlight Willows

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Date Posted: 14:55:39 05/10/01 Thu
Author: Willow
Subject: ~Tears fall...~
In reply to: Zerra 's message, "Looks at Willow............" on 14:14:01 05/10/01 Thu

"Hate...?" She chokes a laugh. "Did you know, any of you, that the opposite if love is not hate..? It is really indiffernece. There is no such thing as hate...It is only a name for a feeling that we feel to each other when we are angry. I don't hate your mother, young pups. She hated me, I dont know why...My pups died again and again, and left and vansished, all the while I was trying to take care of my loved ones..TWA hurt so many of my loved ones. So many things I have lost, and so little have I gained. I turn a corner and meet a wolf that knows my past, and they ask how I could deal with all the pain. Do you know what I tell them? I say, 'My life is guided with love, and I shalt die with it in my heart. Love is my protection from the bads things that happen.' I tell them that. My answer never changes, no mater how many times they ask. I do not often get angry. But so often I am scared, I am scared of what might happen. It stupefies me, my love that protects me vanishes, eaten by fear. I learned long ago, to kill the fear and let love rule my life. But when I saw you pups, I felt fear, a great fear well up, that i had never felt since Dark Calling left me. I had to run, to escape my fear and into the waiting arms of love. I...." SHe coughs and shakes her head sadly. "I am making no sense...you might not even be listening to what I am saying. but please, listen to this...I dont want to leave my loved ones. LL, MoonSun, Zerra, my granpups. You," She looks at the pups. "Love isn't what most think...love is just not 'hating' someone. Love is a feeling that you feel for your peers and acquaintances..mates, lovers, friends, nephews, aunts uncles, parents. It doesn't matter whom. ou could love anyone, just so long as you care...." She begins to cough again, the air filling with dead silence, except for her coughing. "No..." She says hoarsly. "I dont want to die, Angel Tears, Fearless Destiny. And FD....I dont owe you anything, you are right. I homed CD, yes. But that was from kindness and just letting a pup stay at my home. I was not looking for you to return any favours, Fearless. I only want you to understand...I want you all to understand...what....love....means to me....and why...I'm....really dying." She sighs raspily. "I know you are planning, Angel Tears, dont do anyhting for me. Dont even think about it, pup...I don't deserve to be cured at all...I dont even deserve your pity. You can go, AT...GO with your brother and be happy. Forget this moment, you two, and go on believing...that I am the bad one here, that there really is a bad guy. Fault is a descendant of hate, and only really exists when it is used on purpose. This while incident...me dying...I not being very hospitable to you two...is no ones fault. But understanding things is hard, unless you really believe in them. It is much easier on thinking and blaming someone eles. I will be dead soon, so there is no point on forgiving me for being so unhospitable. For bad-mouthing your mother...for I do not understand...I don't want to put on a burden on either of you to remember me as someone that isn't at fault. Because this is an exception to fault....it is my blame. I souldn't have judged..should'nt...of" She bows her head, tears roll to the ground at her feet, soaked up by the thirsty ground.

~She turns to Zerra. "My friend. I sought...and still desire now... thought it is too late....your friendship. And you believe...that I have all this? I have a mate, one surviving...no TWO, including Senreth, two surving pups, and a few grandpups, that are being mercilessly being murdered by evil wolves. I had two other mates before MoonSun. One, evil, the other, left me. I left the evil one, the relationship I held without love, and DC left me...for no apparent reason. And I met, and fell in love with MoonSun. Who treats me more on who I am than what i was. And loves me for who I am today...He loves me more that my other two mates put together." SHe hobbles slowly on her aching feet to where Zerra lay. She whines softly and licks a few tears off of her face, "My brother and sister died years and years ago. Mother, father, dead. Cousins, siblings, most nephews and nieces, grandparents and parents. All dead or gone. Pups...many, generations I have given birht to or adotped. All gone. Killed, died, or ran off. Senreth and LL are the last....ANd LL, with her own pups and family now, is suffering witt the loss of her mate and a pup right now. My grandpup. You, Zerra....you have lost much too. Your mate is gone....all you have are your sisters. But Zerra, you must..." She quickly turns her head away, before fleeing into a fit of coughing. She clears her throats, her eyes all teary, and continues. "You must cherish your sisters, whether they cause trouble or not...count your blessings...and find more love that yo have lost. Life.....an...neverending quest....to fill that space....you have felt...leave whenever...a loved...one or...friend dies. Love is renewable. I never thought in my life I would find someone to love after DC left, Zerra. I truly didn't But MoonSun came, with a rose.....that I still have and cherish now...he loved me, and still loves me now. You are young, Zerra. I am old and near death. You still have years to go and live, have pups and find love...Chersih your blessings, and love will protect you as it has done for me, my friend.."

She begins to cough again, this time she coughs forminutes straight. She finally stops and her mouth bleeds. She looks sadly at Zerra. She whines and lays down, her head on her paws....~

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Replies:

~He watches her,sadness filling him.Yes,it was he who had made this happen.~>< -- MoonSun, 16:52:45 05/10/01 Thu
- (uh, MoonSun? that wasnt realllly supposed to happen, lol)>>><<< -- Willow, 18:33:35 05/10/01 Thu
- >>>>><<<<< -- Liquid Love, 18:35:02 05/10/01 Thu
  - (This isn't supposed to happen! Willow is supposed to be alive....I was planning that all along)>><< -- Willow, 18:56:20 05/10/01 Thu
    - Yeah. -- MS's Player(Sara), 19:25:03 05/10/01 Thu
      - >>>> -- AT & FD, 11:16:20 05/11/01 Fri
        ~She whines to the pups...~ -- Willow, 15:13:49 05/11/01 Fri