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Subject: Elf - A Little Bit Better Than Coal In Your Stocking

Author:
Z

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Date Posted: 00:32:30 11/11/03 Tue
Author Host/IP: CPE-65-27-89-174.mn.rr.com/65.27.89.174

I almost saw a funny movie this weekend.

But instead, I saw Elf. It stars Will Ferrell, a human raised by elves, Santa Claus, and Bob Newhart. I�m serious.

Do you remember in writing class, when they told you that to write a story that actually had a point and captivated the reader, there must be conflict? Apparently, the conflict in this movie had something to do with Rudolph being kidnapped by the Death Star. Or Trinity being a cocktease. Or wait, THERE WAS NO CONFLICT. I know what you�re saying at this point � �That�s because you went to see a rated G movie, dumbass.� Well, maybe you�re right. Or maybe you�re wrong. Dead wrong.

I was going to write a few lines about the plot, but I got distracted with that last psychotic episode. I also decided that for a would-be funny movie, the plot is not important. Like in Night at the Roxbury � does anyone really remember the plot? No, but they remember the stains they left in their pants after watching it. I�m sorry to report that I left no stains in my pants. Oh boy, that was a softball. Swing away, folks.

Don�t get me wrong, there were two or three laughs in this movie, but they were solely the product of Will Ferrell. It�s like the writers thought they could cast Ferrell and not do anything else to turn this into a blockbuster. Please, give this guy some backup in his next flick. Even Jesus needed Judas to become mankind�s salvation. James Caan will always be good work, but he plays a dad as well as he�d play a drag queen.

I will concede one point. The theater started clapping when this movie was over. The audience was mostly kids, but still, the last time I heard a theater clap this loud was when this parapalegic named Wheelie was rolling his chair across the front stage at the I Am Sam premiere and fell off the edge and snapped his neck. In retrospect, I think I was the only one actually clapping out loud, but I�m pretty sure everyone else was clapping on the inside.

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