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Subject: Elf - A Little Bit Better Than Coal In Your Stocking


Author:
Z
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Date Posted: 00:32:30 11/11/03 Tue
Author Host/IP: CPE-65-27-89-174.mn.rr.com/65.27.89.174

I almost saw a funny movie this weekend.

But instead, I saw Elf. It stars Will Ferrell, a human raised by elves, Santa Claus, and Bob Newhart. I’m serious.

Do you remember in writing class, when they told you that to write a story that actually had a point and captivated the reader, there must be conflict? Apparently, the conflict in this movie had something to do with Rudolph being kidnapped by the Death Star. Or Trinity being a cocktease. Or wait, THERE WAS NO CONFLICT. I know what you’re saying at this point – “That’s because you went to see a rated G movie, dumbass.” Well, maybe you’re right. Or maybe you’re wrong. Dead wrong.

I was going to write a few lines about the plot, but I got distracted with that last psychotic episode. I also decided that for a would-be funny movie, the plot is not important. Like in Night at the Roxbury – does anyone really remember the plot? No, but they remember the stains they left in their pants after watching it. I’m sorry to report that I left no stains in my pants. Oh boy, that was a softball. Swing away, folks.

Don’t get me wrong, there were two or three laughs in this movie, but they were solely the product of Will Ferrell. It’s like the writers thought they could cast Ferrell and not do anything else to turn this into a blockbuster. Please, give this guy some backup in his next flick. Even Jesus needed Judas to become mankind’s salvation. James Caan will always be good work, but he plays a dad as well as he’d play a drag queen.

I will concede one point. The theater started clapping when this movie was over. The audience was mostly kids, but still, the last time I heard a theater clap this loud was when this parapalegic named Wheelie was rolling his chair across the front stage at the I Am Sam premiere and fell off the edge and snapped his neck. In retrospect, I think I was the only one actually clapping out loud, but I’m pretty sure everyone else was clapping on the inside.

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