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Date Posted: 00:51:05 11/25/99 Thu
Author: Dude Dammage
Subject: Damn, that f----in' hurt!!

Not long after the PPV is over, Dude Dammage sits in the backstage infirmary getting his head wrapped by a beautiful nurse.

Nurse: Is this too tight, Mr. Dammage?

DD: Nah, no, but just call The Dude by his first name, gorgeous.

Nurse: Yes, well, Mr. Dammage...Dude, you took the beating of a lifetime out there, I think you should go in and get some x-rays taken, too.

DD: Unless the bone's stickin' through some skin, The Dude don't need any x-ray shot.

Nurse: In any case, the doctor informed me to tell you to stay out of the ring for a couple of weeks to heal fully.

DD: NO WAY! The Dude's legion of fans expect him to be out there kickin' ass, drinkin' Dudeskies, defending The Dude's US Internet Championship Belts, and especially gettin' the pie.....PIE, you understand and two milks, too!

Nurse, smiling: We'll see about that, Dude. It seems you have company now.

Dude Dammage looks at the door and sees Michael Cole there.

DD: Let The Dude guess, you're here to get some post-match comments, huh?

MC: Well, let me say that was one hell of a night you had, Dude.

DD: Hell is puttin' it lightly, jaboner. Right now the rush is wearin' off and The Dude feels like sh--!

MC: Do you have any comments to say to Brian "The Hammer" Steel?

DD: Sh-- yeah, (turns to camera) Steel, The Dude has to give you credit where credit is due, you gave The Dude your all and came oh-so-close to takin' Him out. But even though The Dude got his church-bell rung a dozen times, He remembers getting punked by someone other than you. Luckily, The Dude's Society-mates informed Him later that it was RAZIEL.

MC: Yes, it was Raziel who...

DD: SHUT UP. The Dude's still talkin', hold it right there, jaboner. (turns to nurse) Say, darlin', would you mind standin' over here in front of numb-nuts so The Dude has somethin' good to look at while He talks? Thanks, honey.
Now, what was that punk's name again?

MC, standing behind the nurse: It was....

DD: THE DUDE KNOWS WHAT HIS NAME IS!! Raziel...You think by naming yourself after Gargamel's dumb-ass pu--- makes you tough? Obviously it didn't make you smarter, either, always gettin' punked by a bunch of blue pansies. Nevertheless, Raziel, you want to get into The Dude's business, you make an appointment and The Dude will see to admitting you into THE DEPARTMENT OF DAMMAGE!

MC: Thanks for your comments, Dude.

DD: Hey, it's your buck two-ninty-five a minute, geek. (speaking to the nurse) Did you do up The Dude's back, too, Nurse Nancy?

Nurse: How did you know my first name was Nancy?

DD: The Dude knows all His pies, Cherry, Peaches, Nancy...If you get The Dude's drift.

Nurse Nancy giggles as the scene fades....

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