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Date Posted: 00:45:18 11/29/99 Mon
Author: Dude Dammage
Subject: Commercial for Dammage Malt Liquor

The commercial begins with Dude Dammage sitting at a bar with three women flanking him. All of them are holding empty beer bottles. At the bottom of the screen are the words: Dude Dammage, GCW Wrestler.

DD: You know, ladies, bein' The Dude takes a lot of hard work and punishment.

(A clip of Dude Dammage getting driven through the cage and Globaltron appears, then switches back to the present.)

DD: But when it's all said and done....

(Another clip appears of Dammage bloodied and holding up both US and Internet Title belts to the crowd.)

DD: ...there's nothing like a good, cold beverage to quench The Dude's awesome thirst. Barkeep, some suds for The Dude and guests.

The bartender brings everybody a bottle of beer. Without looking, Dammage brings the open bottle up towards his lips. The camera turns away to the women as immediately, a large spray with a loud PPPHHHHFFFFTTTTT follows.

DD: AWWWWW! WHAT THE (network bleep) IS THIS CRAP!?!

Dammage examines the bottle to find Raziel's less than handsome face on the bottle with the words, "Executive Cage's Private Lager, Collectible Series One of Six Featuring Raziel.

Dammage proceeds to smach the bottle over the head of the bartender, who collapses onto the floor.

DD: YOU JABONER! YOU EXPECT THE DUDE TO BE DRINKIN' THIS SWILL? (points to a conscious bartender) YOU! Get The Dude and His ladies a real beer.

The other bartender reaches for a different bottle and plunks it down on the counter. It is a bottle of DAMMAGE MALT LIQUOR, with a picture of Dude Dammage's very bloody face on the label.

DD: Yeaaahhh, that's the stuff. (brings the bottle to his lips and once again the camera looks away) AAAAHHHH!

The new bartender hands out more DML to the women surrounding Dammage.

Woman #1: I'll admit, this has more body than all those wussy, smooth beers.

Woman #2: I'm getting intoxicated just looking at the label.

DD: And just think, coming soon, DML Light.....NOT!!! Dammage Malt Liquor, the only adult beverage good enough get The Dude's seal of approval.
(looking at the ladies) Of course, there's something that always goes great with DML.....and that's PIE! (the women giggle) If you get The Dude's drift!!

The Camera centers on the bottle of DML.

Voice Over: Dammage Malt Liquor, knocking out bartenders since 1999.

commercial ends.

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