Cain, I'm cool and you suck.... -- GCW role play board

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Date Posted: 10:34:13 12/07/99 Tue
Author: General X
Subject: Cain, I'm cool and you suck....

(The screen opens up in the General's surplus store.A man walks up to the counter with a gun.)

Man:What's different from gun this gun and the rest?

General X:This gun is the gun that shot me in the knee.I had some surgery though so my knee is at 110%

Man:How's that possible?

General X:It's a steel implant.My knee can't even be hurt by a baseball bat.

Man:Did you get the guy that shot you?

General X:Right between the eyes.

Man:Why are you selling the gun, don't you want to keep it?

General X:Nope.I have his dog tag.

Man:Oh.

(The man leaves.General X looks at the camera.)

General X:Cain, I ran that track myself you moron.I was right in front of the camera when I took off down the track.I don't care how many redneck fans I have, you see, I'm not a redneck, and I'm not getting checks because of this small injury, I'm getting checks because I still work in the American Army.You on the other hand are probably getting checks for being a retard.Your mental illness is believing you can beat me and thinking that this country sucks when in fact, it is the greatest country in the whole world.Friday is getting closer and closer Cain.Despite my age I'm still stronger than you.Friday is the day you meet your match.You may be able to beat some of these other guys, but not me dammit.I work out every day, you smoke and drink beer everyday.It doesn't matter really, if I drank beer and smoked everyday and you worked out everyday, I'd still beat your sorry ass.

(The General walks outside and locks the door.He flips the "open" sign around to "closed".He starts walking down the sidewalk to Macdonalds.)

General X:Cain, I've done a lot for this country, I've protected it from so much, even if the checks I was getting was from the injury-that's not an admission-It's not too hard to belive that America wants to give something back.I have received some checks for this injury before, but I turned them away.(looks up at the Macdonalds sign)Ahhh, I haven't had a burger in a while.Anyway, I'm gonna do this country another favor by shutting you up.You had to start spewing insults, challenging me was a big mistake for you man, BIG mistake, UNBELIEVABLE, the most terrible mistake that any human could have ever made.Oh, well, I 've been thinking, I don't want to hurt you, little old you, no, I want to fucking PARALYZE your ass.Just to make it possible, I'm changing the match to a no disqualification
cage match.That's right.Friday, you're gonna wish you had never been born.

(He walks in and orders an all American meal.He sits down and starts eating.A few minutes later he leaves.He goes back to "General's Army Surplus".He flips the sign back to "open" and walks around the counter to the register.A few minutes pass and a man wearing a shirt that says "Cain rules" walks in.)

General X:Leave.

Man:Why?

General X:Take a look at your shirt pal.

Man:This?Oh, that was an accident.

General X:What?

Man:I was driving and I crashed and spilt my coffee.

(The man wipes his shirt and the "Cain rules" changes into "qulk pjfdl".)

Man:See?

General X:Oh, ok.

Man:But check this out.

(The man turns around to reveal "General X is number one".)

General X:Let me guess.Mud?

Man:No, that's part of the shirt.

General X:How would you like a half price "X-12"?

Man:What's that?

General X:It's an exact replica of my custom Desert Eagle.

(The man walks up to the counter and signs the waiting form.The camera fades to black as the man leaves.)

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