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Date Posted: 00:33:26 11/22/99 Mon
Author: Dude Dammage
Subject: This is just too sweet!!!

Dude Dammage is sitting backstage when he sees the recent interview(?) with Shadow, and immediately starts laughing. Michael Cole is standing by with the microphone.

MC: Dude Dammage, it seems that you have your hands full at Death Pilgrimage, not only do you have to defend the Internet Title in the always dangerous Hell in a Cell match with Brian "The Hammer" Steel, but now you have to defend the US Title against Shadow that very same night, how do you prepare for such a monumental task?

DD, still laughing: Did you see what this jaboner's been tryin' to do? This Shadow thinks that he could intimidate The Dude by calling down more of his little "magic tricks".

MC: He does look menacing, though.

DD, now serious: The Dude doesn't fall for any of this (in a lilty voice) "I'm invincible, rockets and bombs don't hurt me in anyway," (regular voice) crap. You've been playing too much Nintendo and watching too much Sci-Fi Channel. (Holds up a fist) THIS is gonna totally get you F---'ED UP! You wanna know why? After The Dude gets through His Hell in the Cell match, and The Dude will get to you, Brian Steel, in a minute, The Dude will have so much adreanalin pumpin' through His veins that your "lightning" will have no effect against the nuclear holocaust that is MAXIMUM DAMMAGE!!

DD: Brian "The Hammer" Steel, The Dude already knows where your coming from, and unfortunately it is the f---in' donut shop. As much as you'd like to think you're hardcore to the bone, The Dude says that bone is jelly-filled. When you enter The Dude's home, don't think that this is gonna be a cake-walk, triple-layered and such.
This match has made legends out of nobodys, but it's also sent some to an early retirement, The Dude plans to put you into that latter category. Since The Dude has another match that night, He plans on takin' you out, Steel, swiftly and mercilously, makin' your career vanish like a fart in the wind!

MC: Whoa, those are some bold statements, Dude.

DD: Not so bold once you figure out where they're comin' from, jaboner. The Dude plans on goin' into this night with two title belts, and comin' out with them AND the whole world sayin' behind His back, "HOLY SH--!! HOW THE F--- IS THE DUDE GONNA TOP THAT!?!" And The Dude's gonna turn around, look at everyone through blood-filled eyes, point into the crowd, and say, "YOU AIN'T SEEN F---IN' NOTHIN' YET, IF YOU GET THE DUDE'S DRIFT!!"
Get it, Cole?

MC: I..I got it, Dude.

scene fades

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