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Date Posted: 00:44:54 11/16/99 Tue
Author: Dude Dammage
Subject: Any Jaboner Will Do, Prez Rage

Outside of the new GCW bar and grill, people are gathering, waiting to get inside while the marquee flashes above:

DUDE DAMMAGE is here from 10:15PM to 10:30PM signing autographs and giving interviews, NO FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY, PLEASE!!

Inside Dude Dammage is signing his last autograph to a ten-year old kid....

DD: Now remember what The Dude taught you, son, stay in school and the tree r's...?

Kid: Rear-kicking, Royal Crown, and Rufinol?

DD: It's actually the Rhomba, but that's close enough. If you mention Mamba #5 to The Dude, He's gonna kick your ten-year old a....HEY!! You press pusses were supposed to wait another minute 'til all the autographers were gone!

Reporter #1: Sorry, Dude, we were just anxious to talk to you.

DD: (sigh) Fine! Now what is it you want THIS time, The Dude's been a busy man these days.

Reporter #2: It seems the card for Death Pilgrimage is still imcomplete, especially for your title defences,any reason why?

DD: The Dude guesses that there aren't any jaboners out there who have the ball bearings to even challenge The Dude. So this message just goes out to you Prez Rage, The Dude's gettin' bored here, He wants to take someone out at Death Pilgrimage, or maybe two, The Dude just doesn't care who.

Reporter #1: So right now, it's basically an open challenge to anybody in the GCW.

DD: Damn straight! Right now The Dude's the undefeated US Internet Champion and most feared in the GCW, so He understands why no one has presented themselves as a threat to The Dude.

Reporter #3: So why haven't you entered the Royal Rumble to decide who'll challenge Todd Teriffic at the PPV?

DD: Jesus Harold Christ! Don't you peons already know that The Dude has enough on his plate defending His belts, let alone goin' after another one? The reason why The Dude doesn't go after that belt is because The Dude only has two hands and all that gold would only weigh Him down.

Reporter #4: You could wear one around your waist and hold the other two in your hands...

Dammage rips the mic out of Reporter #4's hand and cracks him in the head with it.

DD: And if The Dude's holding two belts, how's He supposed to hold a nice cold Dudesky, dumbass!?
Now the clock on the wall says 10:30, all you jaboners go home and watch your cartoons or somethin', The Dude's got other business to take care of across the street at Jiggler's Strip Club, something to do with a pie sale, If you get The Dude's drift!

scene fades

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