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Date Posted: 15:15:04 11/10/99 Wed
Author: Dude Dammage
Subject: Two-time, two time, US Internet Champion of the World!!!

As "Angry Chair" plays over the loud speakers in the arena, the fans, many of them are holding signs like "DAMMAGE RULES!", "THE DUDE IS MY DAD", "DUDE = GOD", "I WANNA BE IN YOUR NEXT COMMERCIAL, DUDE", "I WANT YOUR BABY", "YOU OWE ME CHILD SUPPORT, YOU BASTARD!!!"

Dude Dammage appears on the runway, wearing the US Championship belt and holding the Internet Title over his shoulder. He is immediately greeted by loud cheers and screaming as he makes his way to the ring. Dammage climbs into the ring, takes off the US belt, goes to all four corners and hoists them up for everyone to see.

Dammage tosses them to the floor and grabs the mic.

DD: What a couple of f---in' weeks, huh, people!? (fans cheer) It seems like every single time The Dude walks into that ring, people want to give Him a belt. And speakin' of belts, what the hell is this Peoples' Championship belt? Doesn't The Dude already HAVE that belt? The great fans of The Dude made Him their Internet Champion so obviously, this People's Title must mean the People's CHUMP-ionship Title worth a buck two ninety five to those jaboners who want to be The Dude, but can't be The Dude.

DD: But enough of that sh--, The Dude's got other laundry to air out. Mat Blaster. Todd Teriffic. The SOB's. 'Cause the both of you are sobbin' over losing the US belt to The Dude. Gotta give you boys a little credit, you gave The Dude quite the thrashin' Monday night. You're the only jaboners who've had the watermelons to try to punk The Dude. The keyword bein' TRY. DO to Dude, there is no TRY.

DD: One more thing before The Dude leaves. Since He won His US Title strap, The Dude is lookin' for someone to challenge Him for it at Death Pilgrimage. Right now, The Dude doesn't care who this unfortunate bastard is because he'll know it'll be his End of Days anyway, If you get The Dude's drift!!

"Angry Chair" starts again as Dude Dammage picks up both title belts and leaves the ring to the throng of screaming fans.

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