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Date Posted: 13:10:22 11/05/99 Fri
Author: Dude Dammage
Subject: Attica!!! Attica!!! Attica!!!

The scene opens with a throng of reporters and fans surrounding the local police precinct when Dude Dammage comes out holding his hands up in triumph.

Reporter 1: Dude Dammage, what happened at the casino between you and Mat Blaster?

DD: Before The Dude answers any of your lame-ass questions he wants to thank the billions of the Dude's fans for making him the first GCW Internet Champion. Now, as far as that casino incident goes, Mat Blaster thought he could try to take The Dude out of the battle royal for the US strap, 'cause that jaboner is scared of The Dude. On top of that, The Dude had a hell of a run goin' on the blackjack table.

Reporter 2: We understand that instead of getting jail time, Mr. Dammage, you and Mat Blaster must do...a commercial for the casino?

DD: The Dude has no comment about that (expletive). The only commercial he has planned at this time is for Dude Dammage brand Whoop-Ass Ale, which he plans on opening up at the battle royal at Monday Meltdown.

Reporter 3: So we take it that this little altercation won't have any effect on this Friday's match and Monday's matches.

DD: (expletive)! Of course not, this little "thing" is nothin' compared to the carnage that The Dude is goin' to unleash Monday night on those seven other monkeys in that match. Zone, Steel, Teriffic, Stailbert, Buh...Hakeem, Hotshot, and of course you, Blaster, you boys will be flyin' out of the ring so fast you'd think your asses were on fire.

Reporter 1: Any other comments, Mr. Dammage?

DD: Yeah, get the (expletive) outta The Dude's way! He's got matches to get ready for, Dudeskies to get drunk, and partyin' on with the ladies, If you get The Dude's drift!!

Dude Dammage gets into a taxi and leaves to the sound of fans chanting "Dude!" in the background.

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