E Bay Litigation -- Discussion for those who have been harassed by CMF

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Date Posted: 17:00:25 02/17/03 Mon
Author:

Subject: E Bay Litigation
In reply to: Warmonger 's message, "Anyone Got Their "writ summons and complaint" Yet?" on 16:34:21 02/17/03 Mon

Part of our responsibilities here at the E Bay Police Department includes crowd control for the various plaintiffs that are constantly suing us. In trying to maintain an order out of the chaos, we ended up forming three lines.

The first line is known as Level 1 Priority. Privately, these are considered "nuisance" claims, since E bay really is responsible for nothing as per the user agreement. But, because they may hold a shred of merit in the event that some wayward judge rules in favor of the plaintiff, E Bay actively produces a defense against the litigation. Only the top lawyers in E Bay's legal defense dept handle these cases. At any given time, there are 400-500 people standing in this line.

The second line is known as Level 2 Priority. These cases are known to insiders as jokes since the claimants don't have a leg to stand on and are just hoping E Bay subscribes to the same theory that some insurance companies do; pay off to get rid of them. E Bay doesn't subscribe to that theory and the cases are so weak and lame that we only assign a junior attorney to the case who is instructed to write a denial letter telling them to go fly a kite. At any given time, there are 3000 to 4000 persons standing in this line.

Then we have the Level 3 Priority. To all here inside E Bay, it is known as the "Windstar Mama" line. There has only been one person in that line throughout the history of E Bay. And that person is a regular. The rule for this line is that E Bay assigns a Court Jester to handle the case. This is, however, the most documented line at E Bay's legal department. We video tape the guy and then replay it at all the E Bay Christmas parties. Usually by the end of the year, we have at least 1 full hour of video that America's Funniest Home Video's only hopes to ever see. It's a hoot.

So, now that we've explained all that, let me check and see who's out there in Level 3... yeah, uh, yeah, there he is.... none other than 2e51p.... CMF himself. I have to go now, I have to call the Court Jester's office.

LT William "Bill" Smarts, BS j.D.
1973 Ford Custom, REAL E Bay police cruiser
1972 AMC Matador, REAL E Bay police cruiser
1969 Ford Custom, REAL E Bay police Chaplain car

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