Bay City Press Conference -- SCFL Discussion Board

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Date Posted: 21:32:35 12/08/99 Wed
Author: Bay City Bowers
Subject: Bay City Press Conference

("Black Belt" Zachary McPain enters a crowded conference room. He is surrounded by large, intimidating black men dressed all in black accept a pair of silver oakleys. Zachary McPain, the notorious kung fu expert and head coach of the Bay City Bruisers, puffs up his afro and stares into the crowd of reporters. Currently he is garbbed out in a black ninja suit with a green belt and large four leaf clover on the breast.)

ZACHARY MCPAIN: "Welcome ladies and germs to the 2018 official Bay City Bruisers press conference. We've just returned from the 2018 SCFL Draft where the Bay City Bruisers signed linebacker Milhouse Van Houten, halfback Wes Kriesick, and linebacker Steve Richards. It'd be a lie if I, representing the great nation of Islam and the great city of Bay City said we were not satisfied with this draft. Any questions ladies and gentlemen?"

REPORTER #1: "Coach McPain, your organization has been largely criticized lately for showing up late for last years draft and missing out on a huge oppurtunity in gaining last years Rookie of the Year and #1 rated quarterback Chris Weinke, any responce to this criticism?"

ZACHARY MCPAIN: "(BLEEP) them, next question."

REPORTER #2: "Well, Mr. McPain, what exactly do you plan to do to stop Chris Weinke, last season the expansion Monuments ran all over the Bruisers! What exactly is your answer to the High Point Monuments!"

ZACHARY MCPAIN: "With the recent additions to our team; cornerback Hector Thompson, the rookies, center Scot Summers and G Kyle Kuntz, I sincerely doubt that High Point will be a problem. The truth is, quarterback Misty Wallace is coming up on his 3rd season, the season that will truly prove him to the world. Bay City has solidified their offensive line, so we won't have the penetration problem as we did last year, and well, our linebackers and defensive backs speak for themselves. Here's your answer, reporter number two, there is no answer, because it wasn't a question to begin with."

REPORTER #3: "Can you explain the recent trade giving the Tijuana former Dog linebacker Helmet Van Schnitzel and our second round pick for former Bruiser Jeff Arthur and their second round pick, only moving us up one spot in the draft!"

ZACHARY MCPAIN: "Here's the truth, reporter number three, Helmet was an outstanding player, probably comparable to the great Zach Thomas, but honestly he wasnt worth the 199 a year he was taking. Off of the 160 we gained from him I acquired Kyle Kuntz and Scot Summers, to great additions to the team. This years draft was deep enough in linemen to more than make up for what we lost in Helmet. Milhouse Van Houten, in time, will become your new Helmet Van Schnitzel, so (BLEEP)him."

REPORTER #4: "Your predictions for this year coach McPain?"

ZACHARY MCPAIN: "I'll tell you one thing, this is the most talented group of men I've ever seen assemble on the great green turf of the Bay City, and let me tell you babydolls, we're playoff bound."

REPORTER #5: "And last year, coach McPain, what happened?"

ZACHARY MCPAIN: "I'll tell you exactly what happened, reporter number five, injuries. If there's one thing a team fears more than losing, it's losing one of their own, and unfortunately the loss of Jameson Shear not only proved to take our record down to a stifling six and six, but it also brought down team morale. Our back up Dave Taylor left us in the off season, and we didn't fight for him, because to be honest he never lived up to standard. We'll be trying out somethings this season, Jeff Wabbington at halfback as a back up for Jameson Shear until we get our Wes trained to take his place. Hopefully, and I mean, _hopefully_, we won't run into the same roadblock that we did last season."

REPORTER #6: "Anything else for us coach McPain?"

ZACHARY MCPAIN: "This is the season, folks. I suggest you be prepared, scared, and terrified, because the Bay City Bruisers are coming to stomp all over you!"

(McPain leaves with his bodyguards but before fading to black, he does a karate chop.)

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business -- Steeve, 00:25:45 11/25/05 Fri