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Subject: Re: Snippet Author: Nestra [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 11:13:20 02/07/04 Sat In reply to: Shanola 's message, "Snippet" on 09:56:32 02/07/04 Sat They don’t see me. I walk down hallways and tunnels and pass operatives and techs comma and no one ever smiles or looks at me. Sometimes I wish I were invisible. I would use "was" instead, and I'm having a hard time articulating why. I think without the subjunctive "were", you get the impression that it could actually happen, and that the narrator would make it happen if he/she could. I move to the workbench and begin to unpack the crate I’d brought with me. I brought with me. Walter’s a little different comma but most people here only speak when they need to. The word ‘no’ is practically a four letter word. Can you eliminate the repetition of "word"? Maybe " 'No' is practically a four-letter word." (note the hyphen) What if….I were a secret agent, driving fast, fancy cars? Same thing about were/was. “Hey kid, you new here?” Walter is talking again comma and I pretend to concentrate on what I’m doing, but really I’m straining my ears to listen in. If I can’t have a conversation of my own, I’ll borrow one. Niiiice. Filled with curiosity, I turn slightly to see who the new guy was. who the new guy is. We are alone comma and Walter is looking at me. Walter had spoken comma and I am the only one around. He’d asked me a question! If you're in present, the next step back is the simple past. "Walter spoke, and I'm the only one around. He asked me a question!" Am I new? No, no I’m not comma but how should I say that? For a moment, I thought I had solidified, become real. I’d carry that with me for a long time. I'll carry that with me for a long time. It's nice. I love the faceless aspects of Section, and it reflects the fact that the show never got into this kind of stuff. Hope this helps. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> [> [> Subject: Crap, and the formatting is messed up. Lemme know if it's unreadable. ;-) Author: Nestra [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11:16:32 02/07/04 Sat [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> Subject: It helps greatly. Thanks. =P Author: Shanola [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 14:29:40 02/07/04 Sat [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> Subject: Drabble Author: jean [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 19:50:18 02/08/04 Sun "What's with royal names?" said Mowen. "Every city on the planet has a King street." "Not every one." "Don’t be a smart-ass. I’m just trying to make conversation." "About King Street?" "No." Mowen glared at Birkoff, exasperated. "About how you walk in a city, there's always a King Street." "I wouldn't know." Birkoff slouched on the bench, playing imaginary drums. "This is gonna be a thrilling shift." "No kidding." Birkoff replied, sarcastic. "Thrills and conversation, too? I can hardly stand it." "Lose the attitude, kid. It’s bad enough being sealed in the van for three days." "Harder than you know." [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Drabble Author: No name [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 21:08:34 02/13/04 Fri Seeing the Invisible is now available. Despite the strange curse that threatened to doom our efforts with Real Life Stress and crashed hard drives, Seeing the Invisible -- The La Femme Nikita Fanzine is finished. Featuring major stories by Athena4, Claire Gabriel, Deb, ~delle, grit kitty, Shanola, and Sylvia, with additional drabbles by Jaybee, jean, Rita, and shrift, the 'zine weighs in at 75 pages of pure fanfic entertainment. Yes, it has taken longer than hoped, but in the end, not even the evil whammy could stop us, and as the Chief Editor says: "But we made it out just fine. I hope everyone enjoys it. It's really different to have a hardcopy of a fanfic to hold in your hands as you read. It feels pretty good." =P The stories in the 'zine will not be posted online until February 14, 2005 -- and that's just too long to wait for such wonderful reading -- so order your copy today! E-mail duelquest@hotmail.com with your name, mailing address, and order. Put "Zine" in the subject line to avoid spam filters. Price: $12 each plus shipping ($2.67 first class or $3.85 Priority for one copy) Mailing address will be e-mailed to you; the 'zine will be shipped when payment received. Payment: Check or money order -- US funds only Questions? E-mail duelquest@hotmail.com [ Post a Reply to This Message ]