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Date Posted: 15:20:18 10/14/02 Mon
Author: Late Bloomer
Subject: Feeling down? Want more humor?...Check Witchblade deleted scene #3

This one's for you Wildswans. In answer to your last post, here's another parody I've had in mind.

Witchblade Deleted Scene #3

The following pages of a script from "Witchblade" have recently come my way. They appear to be part of yet another deleted scene, which if shown would have shed great light on some of the characters. Now, though this scene is labeled #3, if it were in order with the others it would really be the first scene, so instead of #3 think #1...you get the point.

The setting is an interrogation room at the station. Gabriel has once again gotten himself into a jam. Sara is out on a case but has asked Danny to help Gabe out and "make the paperwork go away."

Gabe: Hey, thanks man. I really appreciate this.
(Danny is not particularly interested in Gabriel): Don't thank me. Sara asked me to do it as a favor. (He looks at Gabriel in irritation.) What wouldn't I give to have her be as interested in me as she seems to be in you.
Gabe: Um...Aren't you married?
Danny (Waves hand dismissively) No, no. that was in the other time line. I'm single here. This is much better. Everyone knows that happily married family guys NEVER have interesting stories on TV.
Gabe: So you've been trying to attract Sara's attention, to be something other than her partner?
Danny: Yeah. No luck so far. My chances seem to be about as good as Sara ever wearing a full length top.
Gabe: So, what have you tried?
Danny: (he perks up now as he tells his story.) Well, we were walking down the street one day and I suggested we go work out together. I thought she could see and appreciate my wiry yet muscular physique and get a little, you know, curious. That was a flop.
Gabe: What happened?
Danny (dejected) Ian Nottingham walked by in a tight tank top.
Gabe: Hmmm. I see. What did you try next?
Danny: (perking up again) I thought I would mesmerize her with the sound of my voice spouting those profound and ancient Eastern sayings that I make up, and she'd follow me anywhere.
Gabe: Well?
Danny (dejected again): Kenneth Irons pulled up in his limo and offered to read from the phone book.
Gabe: She slipped away from you again, huh?
Danny: Like a greased pig at a hog catching contest.
Gabe: Uh...right. It's hard to believe she wouldn't be moved by one of your sayings. (They sit a moment in silence pondering over Danny's dilemma, when Gabe has an idea.)
Gabe: I know the solution. What you need is an evil twin.
(Danny stares at Gabe in disbelief. This is too bizarre for him). An evil twin?
Gabe: (he is becoming enthusiastic) This would be perfect. She would look just like Sara. On my soaps evil twins are always popping up, along with long lost relatives and people returning from the dead. An evil twin.
Danny: You watch soap operas?
Gabe (defensively) Hey, I work at home all day.
(Danny gives Gabe another skeptical look but thinks it over. The idea starts to make sense.) An evil twin, huh? You mean someone who looks like Sara, but more....uh, receptive? Someone with even shorter tops....hip high miniskirts....thigh high leather boots...willing attitude?
(Danny has made up his mind and jumps out of the chair. He checks out his watch). Whoa, hey, look at the time. I ‘ve got to got stake out this fight club. (He grabs Gabe by the arm and drags him to his feet). See you later man. You were a big help..later.
Gabe: What about the paperwork?
Danny: Oh, it's gone, it's gone. See you around. (As he speaks Danny has been dragging Gabe to the door. Danny opens the door and shoves Gabe through it and slams it behind him. Danny starts patting his shirt and pant pockets looking for something. He pulls out a mirror and checks his hair and teeth. He puts the mirror back in his pocket and holds his hand in front of his face. He pants into his hand a couple of times, and sniffs. Satisfied that his breath is fine, Danny is even more excited at the thought of his assignment at the fight club and a meeting with a certain fighter. He starts singing, to the tune of West Side Story's "I Feel Pretty." He throws open the door, and the camera shows his departing back as he charges up the stairs)
Danny: I feel lucky! Oh so lucky! I feel plucky and lucky and bright! And I pity..any guy who isn't me tonight!

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