VoyForums
[ Show ]
Support VoyForums
[ Shrink ]
VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, [2], 3, 4 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 12:48:29 11/23/02 Sat
Author: Thurman Skydive
Subject: Gone Shopping...

(We open outside a supermarket in New York City, somewhere near Thurman Skydive's penthouse apartment. The back of Skydive's body is seen wandering through the automatic double doors, pushing a cart in front of him. The same old reporter, accompanied by camera crew rush into shot, and chase after the Thurmanator...)

Reporter: Thurman...Thurman! You're back!

Skydive: Back from where? I was never gone...

(Thurman wanders through a couple of aisle's, and stops next to a shelf which contains numerous different types of polishes. He picks up one suitable for precious metals, then moves away...)

Reporter: But we've been calling your apartment, nobody was home!

Skydive: Well the primary reason for that is that I wasn't home...it's a simple concept once you've got your head around it.

Reporter: So where were you? Don't you realise you have to prepare for your Cruiserweight title match? It's not like The Unknown and Chris Ceslar are walks in the park!

Skydive: Awwww...do you care how I do in that match or something?

Reporter: Well...I...No, I don't! It's just that right now I'm getting paid to cover you, and I'm assuming that if you become the new Cruiserweight Champion, and spearhead the revival of the Cruiserweight division in Midwest Championship Wrestling...I'll get more work hence more money!

Skydive: You think that's all I care about? You think my entire life is MCW? You think all the Thurmanator can think about right now is a triple threat weapons cage match for the Cruiserweight title? You think I'm so fixated on this one match that I've gone mad? Do you think I've flipped my lid so much that I want to hose myself down in the bodily fluids of my opponents...or is that just The Unknown?

Reporter: Well I...

Skydive: You want to know where I've been for the last four days? I went to a funeral okay? An old friend was killed in a Road Traffic Accident. It was a sad, sad day quite frankly, and for you to suggest that I need to concentrate on beating Unknown and C4 for your own benefit...well frankly I find it a little disgusting.

Reporter: Come on Thurman...funeral's don't last for four days...

Skydive: Oh for f*cks sake you pesky little goon...I was at my Grandma's okay! Do you have a problem with that? I was visiting my family...what the hell is wrong with that?

Reporter: But Thurman...I thought you didn't get along with your mother?

Skydive: I don't, she's a dirty poverty-stricken little b*tch...however I want to know what the hell kind of inbred redneck family you come from which tells people that 'mother' and 'grandmother' are the same thing...

Reporter: Whatever...but with such a huge match approaching, was it wise to be visiting your family now?

(Thurman looks at the floor, and when he looks up his eyes are filling with tears. His bottom lip quivers, and his voice breaks as he begins to talk again...)

Skydive: B-B...Because she doesn't have much time left man. The doctor's operated...but they said it was too late! It had spread too far. I think they called it 'inoperable'...'terminal'. I...I...I-I-I don't know if I'll ever see her again...

Reporter: I'm...I'm sorry Thurman...

Skydive (still on the brink of tears): I know...I can't believe it. She always seemed so strong. I took her for granted man! I always believe she'd be around forever...I thought she'd outlive us all. But now man...she's gonna be gone! I'm never gonna see her again...never ever ever!!

Reporter: Is there anything I can do?

Skydive: Yes, please, just allow me time to talk. I need to get a few things off my chest...for Granny's benefit.

(The reporter steps away from the microphone, but still holds it up to Thurman's mouth. Thurman wipes some tears from his eyes, and stares directly into the camera...)

Skydive: I know I haven't been focused on this triple threat, but I've had my mind on other things. And through all this heartache...all this tragedy...and all this pain I've had time to realise something. I've realised I need to look at what The Unknown did for his Aunt, and do something to show how much I've enjoyed and cherished every moment I've spent with my grandmother in my lifetime. I've realised...IT'S ALL A BUNCH OF SH*T!

(Skydive shoves the reporter into the floor, and the cocky smirk that we're used to seeing re-emerges on his face. The water in his eyes vanishes as soon as it arrived, and rubbing the back of his head, the reporter looks appalled...)

Skydive: That's right, it's all SH*T! Awww, The Unknown's dedicating the match or whatever to his precious little Auntie...my heart f*ckin' bleeds! This is pro-wrestling...this is hardcore. I highly doubted the existence of the numerous beatings The Unknown had reportedly given to be BEFORE he started balling his little eyes out about his family...but after his sentimental tripe...I know it for a fact!
Unknown, you're full of more sh*t than a manure processing plant, and come Hardcore Hell, I'm gonna expose you for the fraud that you are...if you smell what I'm cooking.

Reporter (back on his feet now): I can't believe you're making fun of something so close to his heart!

Skydive: Err...I do believe I shoved you on your ass...

(Thurman shoves him to the floor again, this time with more force...)

Skydive: Why the hell am I making fun of him? Because I can quite frankly. Because I can, and there ain't a damn thing he can do to stop me! Like I really care about his little sob stories. Why the hell doesn't he make himself a little t-shirt that says 'I'm a f*cking nobody, but care about me when I return to MCW...please'?
When true ring greats like me come back, I didn't care about whether people wanted me, or whether they didn't...whether people cared, or whether I didn't. You know why? Because I knew full well that inside the ring I can get it done. I can prove what I'm worth in the ring, and barring any mishaps (like Cypher...who's whole existence is one big mishap) I will get it done time and time AND TIME again!

You know why you're coming back Unknown? Because once before I carried you into the spotlight. I took a big pile of nothing and dragged you kicking and screaming into the spotlight. You want to talk about hardcore life, how f'n hardcore was it when I kicked your ass week after week after week and watched you squirm up and crawl back for more! You hunger for your glory days, you hunger for the spotlight that comes only as I deliver sick punishment on you!

(Thurman is almost in a rage right there in the middle of the supermarket. Other customer's are all around him, some looking interested, others looking downright terrified. Security is on hand, and seem to be entertaining the idea of going in and trying to throw Thurman out of the store...)

Skydive: You're damn right we're going hardcore again little man. We're gonna dance hardcore, fight hardcore, eat, fight, live and die hardcore at Hardcore Hell...and I promise you that you will come up short! I am evolving the meaning of the word revolution, and my Cruiserweight division will be the most talked about entity in the history of MCW. I am not letting some prick with the benefit of anonymity to get in the way.

Reporter (gasping in pain, lying back on the floor): W-...W-What about C4?

Skydive: What about him? He's a guy that listened a little too hard in English Lit, and took on board the impact of alliteration just a little too much. (puts on voice-box style robotic voice) He talks...like this...and pauses...for breath...too much...I wonder...if he...has a tiny lung capacity.
Chris Ceslar is a gone wrong pyromaniac, and when I'm through with him at Hardcore Hell, he'll have all the time to sit in his back yard and play with fireworks. I'm ending this explosion nonsense...this C4 bullsh*t comes to an end.
What the hell kind of Cruiserweight division is spearheaded by a stuttering retarded pyromaniac who probably boned his 10th grade English teacher once too often?

(The reporter finally has his wind back, and somehow drags himself back to his feet, and snatches the mic back from Skydive...)

Reporter: Are you QUITE finished...

Skydive: No I'm not QUITE finished!

(He shoves the reporter on his ass for a third time!)

Skydive: I am leading the Cruiserweight movement to the forefront of MCW, even if that means dragging The Unknown and Caged Caveman Chris Ceslar along with me. And then you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna take my number one contendership for the Hardcore title, and helping myself to that belt too. This time next month you will be looking at a different Thurman Skydive. I WILL have a title belt over both shoulders, I will STILL be loved and adored, admired and worshipped by the world's population...aka the Thurmaniacs...and I will be the ONLY CruiserCore Champ around baby...

(Thurman throws down the mic, and laughs hysterically at the woozy reporter on the floor, then barges through the crowd of people towards the checkout.
He drops one item on the counter, and the checkout lady runs it through - it's a can of polish)

Skydive: Great, now with my sweat preserved from Unknown's sick little hands...time to see if I can find some red paint...

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]
[ Contact Forum Admin ]

Forum timezone: GMT-8
VF Version: 3.00b, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2019 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.