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Date Posted: 09:39:54 11/10/02 Sun
Author: Thurman Skydive
Subject: Video Feature

(The back of Thurman's body appears on screen, as he strolls through a grungy, run-down neighbourhood in New York City. The camera man is standing too far behind Skydive for viewers to make coherent sense of what he's actually saying, but via vivid and exhuberrant hand gestures, it's clear that Thurman is giving a tour of his youth and upbringing...whether the camera man likes it or not.
Finally Thurman stops, turns round and beckons the camera man to catch up. He points down a street to a large building, with a wire mesh fence surrounding it...)

Skydive: And so you see right in there was where I went to school. Granted I was expelled after five months for hitting a teacher in the head with a metre ruler, but there's where I went to school. Come on man...next I have to show you exactly where my mother was raped for my conception...

(The camera man lets his camera sag down a little bit, seemingly indicating his lack of interest. At first Thurman doesn't seem to pick up on it, as he hurries onwards, talking excitedly about some element of his childhood, but the camera man stands routed to the spot. Apparently he is searching himself for the willpower to continue on his trip down Thurman's memory lane. Eventually Thurman picks up on the fact that his camera man hasn't moved, and he comes back for him...)

Skydive: What the hell is wrong with you? We have loads more to cover yet. We're on a tight schedule and you're putting us behind it! You're not getting paid hourly for this!

Camera Man (under his breath): You're not even paying me are you?

Skydive: What was that?

Camera Man: I said you had a pretty traumatic childhood, didn't you?

Skydive: Yeah actually. I mean, it was kinda sh*tty. But look where it's got me today. I'm back on the Midwest Championship Wrestling roster! I'm back in wrestling! I'm back in the midst of hardcore action, crazy stunts and insane bumps! And that's why you're here! People wanna know about Thurman Skydive! To many I'm an unknown entity, and leaving the masses uneducated is just plain rude! I know you don't want to be an asshole. You're denying the people a damn education in me right now with all your stalling! The all powerful front office suit-clad idiots want a video-feature on Thurman Skydive, then that's what they're gonna get. I'm not taking the rap for your half-assing about. If we're late with this, it's your job on the line, not mine!

Camera Man: I get it already (under his breath)...retard!

Skydive: What was that?

Camera Man: I said I get it already, I'm just tired...

Skydive: Well my life is a pretty exhausting place. I mean there's so many exciting things to see, to remember...to reminisce over...It's been tough - but damn what a great story! I'm the f'n man!

(Thurman starts walking again, recounting various stories and indicating various points of interest...to the intense boredom of the camera man...)

4 HOURS LATER...

(The door of a bar is flung open, and with a huge smile on his face, in walks Thurman Skydive. The camera man, looking absolutely exhausted, follows him in, and sighs with relief as he slumps into a booth, dropping his camera on the table and slumping back...taking his more-than-really-necessary weight off his feet...)

Skydive: What the hell do you think you're doing? We're not finished yet? We've done the 'on-location' part of this video-feature. We still have an entire interview to shoot yet, and here's where we'll do it. Now what are you drinking? You can buy me whatever you're having...

(The camera man audibly groans with disbelief as he drags himself up from his chair and walks towards the bar. Thurman sees the little red light on the camera still flashes over the 'ON' icon, and realises that he's still on film. He breaks into poses, flexing his muscles, a smile on his face...)

Camera Man (returning with two beers): What the hell are you doing??

Skydive (hurriedly replacing his arms by his sides): Errr...aaaah...uuuh...I was scratching my...biceps, that's what I was doing! Aren't they impressive?

Camera Man: Not really...

Skydive: Well gimme a break, I'm not a musclebound meathead like some people. I have to be quick in the ring, otherwise I wouldn't be such an exceptional athlete would I?

Camera Man: Do we really have to do an interview?

Skydive: Have you actually listened to a word I've said today?

(Camera man lets out a volley of violent coughs, which seem suspiciously intermingled with the word 'NO'...)

Skydive: Illness is no excuse. Listen to me junior, and maybe we'll get through this without you screwing up anymore. I am Thurman Skydive, and I'm back! MCW ain't ever gonna be the same again, because once more I'm here bringing Thurmanation like only I can! This is a specially-requested video feature, and you just have to hold the camera, and ask a few questions...

Camera Man: So how about talking about next Saturday night...the Extreme Hour, you're taking on Minion and Little Man in a Weapons Cage Match. You win, you become Hardcore title number one contender!

Skydive: Oh yeah. Once again I'm gonna be in a damn cage, and once more I'm wrestling three guys. This time there's a difference. Little Man...Minion. Two bad dudes, and they're both from the same goddamn unit. I'm not gonna pretend to have a damn clue what the hell this Damage Inc. crap is...I don't care a whole lot either.
Three men, and I'm sure every single one of us wants to be the Hardcore Champion. When you're Thurman Skydive, you want to be Hardcore Champion. When you're big and a few hundred pounds overweight like Minion you want to be Hardcore Champion. When you're done playing with you're little man, and you're called Little Man, you want to be Hardcore Champion.

Is that desire to be the champion enough to ensure that the illustrious members of Damage Inc. don't unite and beat the hell out of me? I hope so! I'm a damn good wrestler, and a sick, sick son of a b*tch, but you think I stand a chance when I'm inside a cage full of weapons with Minion and Little Man? If they want to team up to beat the crap out of me, then find out who's the more err...damaging member of Damage Inc. in that match, then I can't do a whole lot to stop them...

Camera Man: How much do you even know about you're two opponents?

Skydive: Minion is a large individual, and rumour has it that he smells rather bad. Little Man is in a tag team with Little J and rumour has it...never mind...

Camera Man: Aren't you taking this match seriously or something?

Skydive: Seriously? I'm deadly serious! Can't you tell? Isn't my body just radiating seriousnessocity vibes right now? This is my chance. Cypher f*cked up any chance I had last week of making an impact on his return. Now I get another chance to make a difference. I get the chance to become Hardcore title number one contender. A shot at MCW gold hangs in the balance, and that ain't an opportunity I'm intending to miss out on!

Camera Man: So you're still pissed off at Cypher then?

Skydive: Of course I'm damn well still freakin' pissed off with Cypher. He's the man that got his shoulders pinned to the mat 1-2-3, and left me without a victory in my return match. He lost, I get screwed by it, it's really that simple!

Camera Man: He also has a Hardcore title number one contender's match...

Skydive: Yeah, what the hell is that all about anyway? I tell you what I hope it means...it means the winners of the two matches get to fight each other...because you know what that means? It means that I'll get another shot at beating Cypher, or even Deadcell! I could get a match with the moron that lost the match at Halloween Horror. I could make Cypher pay in more ways than just smacking him in the head with a baseball bat.
As for Deadcell. I'd get a chance to compete in the match is was scheduled to compete in at the pay-per-view. I can prove to myself and to everyone else that without Cypher in my way, I could've beaten Deadcell. It would be me on the fast track to the top of the company...not Deadcell!

Camera Man: Can I go yet?

Skydive: In a second, I have one thing left to say. It's real easy to understand. I am Thurman Skydive, and I am back. Next Saturday night, I will mark the restart of my career with my first victory of my comeback run. Minion and Little Man are two guys that drew the proverbial short straw when they get locked in a cage with me. I'm gonna kick their asses, then go onto become the new MCW Hardcore Champion!
Tell Cypher to turn Survivor off his TV, tell Deadcell to forget about his sickness horse sh*t...tell Damage Inc. it's time for the damagers to simply become the damagees...the road to the top STARTS HERE!

(Skydive grabs his beer and finishes it with one swig, then stands up from the booth, storming out of the bar, his sarcastic nature replaced in seconds by a seething rage - could this be an omen for things to come in MCW?)

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