Re: mental illness and child custody -- Nopcas-Communication through love and education.

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Date Posted: 19:21:06 02/20/07 Tue
Author: Rebecca Fredrickson
Subject: Re: mental illness and child custody

>>> I just finished reading your article in the August
>>>issue of Honey magazine, Super Women and Suicide.
>>>Being a single mother of five, three under eighteen
>>>and still at home, I was able to relate the issues
>>>addressed in the article.I do feel you have left out
>>>an very important issue, child custody.
>>>
>>>I have struggled with depression for years, reluctant
>>>to seek serious, continuous help for fear of the
>>>stigma associated with mental illness. After reaching
>>>a "burnt out, melt down state" which reduced me to
>>>merely functioning, I sought help. I was diagnoised
>>>with bipolar disorder. I am currently in therapy as
>>>well on medication. I will have been out of work 10
>>>months this months and do not have job to go back
>too.
>>>Should all go well, I will be working a new job by
>the
>>>end of September.
>>>
>>>The problems is that I have now given the
>>>non-custodial parent grounds for modification of the
>>>child custody order. No one told me that my chances
>of
>>>losing my children were so high by the mere diagnois
>>>of a mental illness.
>>>
>>>My illness caused me to take a leave of absence from
>>>work, creating a financial burden. The children's
>>>father was unwilling to temporarily give additional
>>>financial help or any other help for that matter,
>>>during my period of treatment. I petitioned the
>courts
>>>for an increase in child support, in turn the father
>>>petitioned the courts for custody due to my mental
>>>illness. The child support was increased. Now I must
>>>face my ex in court this November for custody of our
>>>children.
>>>
>>>I am unable to afford legal representation. Legal Aid
>>>will not take the case because they represented my ex
>>>in an unrelated case over 10 years ago, conflict of
>>>interest they tell me. We have been separated almost
>>>10 years and divorced for almost three of those
>years.
>>>He is a former drug addict, only has vistation 2 days
>>>out of the month, because he said that was all the
>>>time he could give and he usually misses one of those
>>>days. For 10 years I did not work, i stated at home
>>>and raised the children wearing myself down being
>both
>>>mother and father.
>>>
>>>Now that I am faced with the real possibility of
>>>losing my children to a father whose sole motivation
>>>for seeking custody is that he is angry he has to
>>>finally pay the support that has been overdue our
>>>children,I am seriously wondering if seeking help was
>>>worth it. Was it worth me showing "a moment of
>>>weakness" by admitting that my mental health was at
>>>stake? If I had been out of work due to a broken leg
>>>or some other phyical illness and asked for
>finanacial
>>>help, would he have grounds or even asked for
>custody?
>>>
>>>Do you know of any organizations that would be
>willing
>>>offer me legal representation pro bono? That
>>>specialize in these types of cases and win?
>>>
>>>If I lose custody of my children due to this one
>>>decision to help myself, I can understand why so many
>>>women suffer silently through this illness.
>>I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!! I too suffer with mental
>>illness.(BPD-Borderline Personality Disorder)And I
>>lost BOTH of my kids after having a breakdown almost 2
>>years ago. My daughter has since been returned (they
>>are from different marriages) after about 6 months. My
>>other husband lied and told me and my family that if I
>>sign a paper giving him sole custody of my 4 yr. old
>>son, it would just be temporary until I got
>>better...well, now I am lucky if I see him once a week
>>for 2 hrs.he does not let me see him alone, but HE
>>insists on supervising. Iam re-married, but we don't
>>make enough for a lawyer, whereas my ex is loaded! I
>>am in full remission and have been for a year and
>>half, and nothing has changed, so I forced to take
>>matters into my own hands, by representing myself in
>>court.(which I am TERRIFIED to do!)butI am losing so
>>much time with my son that I can never get back, and I
>>know that as long as I let my ex manipulate the
>>situation to his advantage HE WILL...so I have to do
>>this for myself and my son. I am tired of being
>>treated as a criminal for a problem I cannot help.
>>Would the courts take custody away from someone with
>>diabetes?, I don't think so,yet everyday so many women
>>just like us lose custody because of something we
>>cannot control eithier. This is totally unfair, and
>>against our rights! I am a good mother who NEVER
>>abused nor neglected my children,so why is my son
>>being raised in day care, and by someone without a
>>heart?
>> please e-mail me, I think we could really
>>help each other, if nothing else,know that I
>understand
>> GOD BLESS!-Christie
>
>
>I can't believe I have found this site. I too am a
>mother of 2 daughters and was diagnosed as being bi
>polar.I raised my two daughters for 12 years
>practically alone. Not long after my diagnosis, my ex
>felon, abusive, husband left me for a woman he met at
>work. He kidnapped our two daughters one day from my
>brothers'home(where they had stayed the night with
>their cousins) and filed an emergency custody order.
>My psychologist and my counselor sent reccomendations
>of my stability and ability to raise the children, but
>still the court ruled on his behalf. My children have
>been suffering abuse for 3 years now by their father
>and stepmother and noone will do anything because I am
>labeled "bipolar" or "mentally incompetent".I have
>been in remission for 2 years now. The worst I ever
>done was smother my kids with love, while their father
>neglects them and their stepmother hits them and
>raises them to her standards. People like us are told
>to seek help, then we are punnished time after time
>for doing so. I feel the pain of both of you, and I
>know the pain your children must feel as well. If we
>are to ever bring this injustice to light, we will
>have to put our pain out their for the right people to
>see. I have written letters to Dr.Phil, Montel,my
>state governor, and to several bi polar awareness
>groups. I think if we stand together, we can make this
>problem known to the right officials and stop the
>stigma that comes with bipolar disorder. Please email
>me! I want to hear from you. Godbless and the best of
>luck~~~Sheila

My name is Rebecca Fredrickson, I am 23 years old, and have a 4 and a half year old little girl, Jasmyn. I became pregnant at the age of eighteen, right out of high school. A few months into my pregnancy, I became severely depressed, and I had no idea what was happening to me. I was admitted into a psychiactric unit twice during my pregnancy, which seemed to help me each time. My doctor at the time put me on a an antidepressant and an antipsychotic, which didnt really seem to help for me for long. I struggled every day with physcosis, which is what they called it, and struggled even more to keep myself from slipping deeper and deeper into the depression. My daughter's father didnt help me at all during that time, sure, we were together, as a couple, but he didn't want to accept that something was wrong with me.
After I had Jasmyn, my mental health worsened, day by day,and my life soon started to fall apart. My boyfriend left me numerous times, I was admitted into the hospital again for a suicide attempt, then relocated to a crisis unit home for month. From there I moved into an apartment with my daughter and her father, I even held a part time job. This hell I'm in all started the morning I woke up to find he left me, took my baby, and served me with an ex-parte. He then took me to court, dragged my name through the dirt, along with my family's name, and made me look like a monster. I lost custody of my daughter in 2003, but I did get to see her three times a week, supervised of course, by my mother and my aunt. Two years later he took me to court again, seeking the right to move her over 500 miles from her birthplace, where her entire family is located. We had a hearing, and I lost my daughter again. At this time, my mental health was good, I was taking my medications every day, and actively enrolled in a mental health agency which helped me get my life back. The court allowed him to move those 500 miles, granting me only three weeks out of the year to see my daughter. And the reason for this, was that her father wanted to go to a communinty college, and claimed he could make alot of money and provide a better life for our daughter than I could. To sum this all up, the reason he left was to be with his lover, which happens to be a 32 year old man. He isnt going to college, and works as a nurses aid, which in the state of michigan, pays the same wherever you go. He is living a pretty rich life, but is now seeking child support from me, to pay for the expensive daycare he has her in. I live in a small town in the U.P of Michigan, and my daughter now lives near detroit, downstate. I feel discriminated against, I now live a very productive life. I married my husband last June, moved into a beautiful apartment, and am holding down three jobs. I am proud of myself for how far I've come, I was diagnosed with schitzo-effective disorder almost 4 years ago, with major depression, and now I feel I'm back, the person that was lost in sorrow for so long, is back. I missed out on so much of Jasmyn's life, I don't want to miss out on anymore, but the court system is against me and will not give me a fair chance. No one will here my side, all I want is to be heard. I am taking a stand for myself and my daughter, she needs her mama and I need her...if anyone knows of anyone that could help me, please reach out.

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