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Subject: 戀童(重貼)


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Date Posted: 22:26:19 11/19/01 Mon

原來,我有戀童癖的.

我喜歡一切美好的,純潔的,幼嫩的東西.


因為工作關係,我有很多機會接觸到小朋友.

看著他們天真無邪的樣子,感覺也變得緩和.

當然,我喜歡的小孩,只是那些可愛的,乖巧聰明的寶寶.

而那些頑劣的,不漂亮的小鬼,我是厭惡之.


我想說明,我不是懷有[母愛]的精神.

我只是喜歡一切美好的,純潔的,幼嫩的東西.

*************************

某日,我臨天亮的時候造了一個夢.

夢中,我見到一些人,有一個大概十多歲的男孩坐在我附近,

他很斯文,有點害羞.

我好像見到他正在被人欺負(責罵).

之後,偶爾地我坐到他身邊,和他聊天.

他對我說:我只得一米五高,我怕不能再高了.

我對他說:不會的,你將來會有一米七以上高,你會是一個高大俊俏的男生.

不久,我在夢中記起一些事情,然後醒了.

醒後,才發現自己正在哭著,心一酸,又再哭,

哭了好一會才起床.

**************************

你們一定不知道究竟是什麼一回事了!

其實,夢中的小男孩,是我的初戀情人.

我第一次看見他時,他只是十四歲,而我只是十二,三歲.

真正認識他,都是一年後的事.

夢中的他,比我見過他的第一印像還小一點,但我好肯定是他.

當然,我對他說:你將來會是一個高大俊俏的男生!

那是因為,我認識他的時候,他已經是這樣了.

那個夢,發生了時空交錯,我和他少年時相遇了.

我很喜歡他,真的,我喜歡一切美好的,純潔的,幼嫩的東西.


之後為何哭了?

哭,是因為勾起了很多回憶,很多過去六七年間發生的事情.

我們變了,我們都變了很多,再也不是惜日的小孩.

我們童年時的歡樂過去了,我們少年時的激盪都過去了.

我們的純潔也被沾污了.

因為...我們永遠敗給歲月.

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