Re: 嗯～龍王不在家嗎? 招我來..又不在家?? -- 场

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Date Posted: 09:02:05 12/06/07 Thu
Author: 寶貝華華
Subject:

Re: 嗯～龍王不在家嗎? 招我來..又不在家??
In reply to: san 's message, "Re: 垛° 纒ぃ產盾? ┷иㄓ..ぃ產??" on 07:03:15 12/05/07 Wed

>>>走在散步的小路上～小猴的歌聲在盪漾～ ∮
>>>啊～嗚～喔喔～猴在唱～還有一支短笛隱約在吹嚮～ ∮
>>
>>
>>翠笛流響微風岸牧童哼小調
>>銀河隕花皓月星遊客唱歡歌
>
>好個[翠笛流響銀河隕花],san大愛!!
>情境並荗,蕭逍中比對著不凡氣度,
>但亦令小猴自慚拙劣中........
>不過....不過....非常感謝華華寶貝的詩句啦,感動中～～
>
>嗯......給san的小詩嘛～
>人家希望再盡善一點兒......
>花雖美好,但太弱了點,猴王更喜歡用"耀"字,
>翠笛流響微風岸銀河隕耀皓月星
>不知華華是否同意? ..^____^..

翠笛流響微風岸銀河隕耀皓月星=>氣勢非凡,但是....
若依"平仄"準則,稍有不對趁之嫌唷..

翠笛流響微風岸牧童哼小調
仄仄平仄平平仄仄平平仄仄
----------------------------------
平平仄平仄仄平平仄仄平平
銀河隕花皓月星遊客唱歡歌

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Replies:

Re: 嗯～龍王不在家嗎? 招我來..又不在家?? -- 寶貝華華, 09:07:46 12/06/07 Thu

Re: 嗯～龍王不在家嗎? 招我來..又不在家?? -- san, 06:15:31 12/12/07 Wed