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Date Posted: 19:14:48 04/01/00 Sat
Author: Rob
Subject: dfd

(Scene opens outside on a dirt road,a white little rental car is driving around all dirty with red dust, the window wipers are on keeping the dust of the Windshield so the driver can see. He swerves every now and then hitting little gullies in the road, the man obviously isn't that great of a driver. He contiues on bumping and swerving about on the crimson red dirt road he spins out right in a cloud of dust into a ditch. The car is tilted on its side the door opens on the passenger side( thats actually the driver's side in Australia) A man stumbles out he's a average size guy, not much can be made out except his silouette. Another man comes our after that the Camera zooms in to get a better look. We see its Bobby Turner of the PWA along with his camera man Phil.)

Bobby: God Damn It! Stupid Car!!!

(kicks the tire)

Phil: Thats a rough road!

Bobby: Yeah! who in the hell would want to live way in the hell out here?

Phil: Don't know its hotter then hell though!

Bobby: Crap!! What are we going to do now?

Phil: Well, lets look at the map.

(Bobby and Phil pull out a map)

Bobby: Well If I'm right it looks like were about 3 miles away from a little town, called Badern!

Phil: Well we better start hoofing it!

(Phill and Bobby start walking down the dry dusty road, its all cracked from lack of water, every now and they they nearly get blown off the road by red dust devil's, they trudge on though in the blistering summer heat! finally they see an old beat up sign the reads Badern home to the worlds largest Walabie! They wander in and stop at the first place that they see, its the Kangaroo Saloon! The doors are like that of an old western saloon, you can almost hear the whistling you hear in most Western movies start to play. There is a bald bartender with all sorts of stains on his shirt serving up booze! There are some rether large men in the place, some dreseed like cowboys in rugged clothing, others in regular cloths. Bobby and Phil walk over to the counter and sit down.!)

Bartender: What can oy get for ya mate!

Bobby: Huh! you got some Soda?

Bartender: Soda! We don't serve any Soda here Mate! Hey! Check this out the Yankee wants some Soda!

(The Bar bursts out into laughter, its all pretty funny seeing these cowboys with aussie accents)

Bobby: Well, my car is stuck in a ditch back there, we had to walk a few miles to get here, and I am dying of thirst what do you got!

Bartender: Beer and Whiskey! Thats It!

Bobby: Thats it! Well I don't hold my liquer well so give me the most watered down beer you got.

Bartender: And You?

Phil: Oh, I'll take some Whiskey!

Bobby: Phil!!! You're working!

Phil: Hell I don't see the boss anywhere around!

(Bobbyshakes his head, they get there drinks and drink up)

Bobby: We're here looking for Dash McGregor I here he lives up the road aways?

Bartender: Oh that crazy Bloke! He sure does, now that there is a Man's Man!! Hey you mangy buzzards we got work to do get your truck, the Yankee wrecked and now he needs some help.

People on in one simultaneous voice! All ROYT!!!

(The Men hop in the back of a huge Pick up truck along with Bobby and Phil they drive until they come to where his car is.)

Man: Hey! Where's you car mate?

Bobby: Right there (pointing to his little white car)

Man: Ah! Ha hahahah! Boy, thats the funniest thing I've ever seen! Didn't know they made em that small! we don't need my truck for this!

( 6 pretty big guys get out and pick up his car and set it back on the road, it looks like a little ford festiva, Bobby is a bit surprised but is happy non the less.)

Man: There you go Mate!

Bobby: Hey could you show me where to find Dash Mcgregor!?!

Man: Show You! Woy I'll take you there follow me!

(They all hop back in there cars and start off down the road again, they pass through Badern again they drive for about an hour and turn off onto another dirt road this in a more swampy area The Truck stops at a red mailbox , there seems to be nothing else around except trees and swamp! They get out and walk over to the little white car with Bobby in it.)

Man: Okay Mate here's what you do, you have to get out and walk for about 10 minutes striaght back of this Mailbox, you'll run smack dab into his house!

Bobby: Thanks! Really I'd like to thank you all for everything!

Man: No Problem Mate!

(The man walks off and gets back into his truck )

Other Man: Should we tell him?

Man: Nah! Let the Yankee learn. Ha Ha!!

(The Men speed off in there truck, laughing!)

Bobby: Come on Phil lets go, grab your equipment!

Phil: Sure thing!

(They begin to walking through the tall grass, the ground is mushy under there feet, they walk swating at insects that keep buzzing bye and biting them, the ground gets mushier as they go along turning into mud!, a large lizard runs over Bobby's feet startling him causing him to slip and fall flat on his back into the mud.)

Bobby! For crying out loud!

(Gets up and slips again this time face first!)

Bobby: "A number of expletives are bleeped out for our viewing audience!" I'm a freaking Mess!!!

Phil: Ha Ha! You look like Swamp Thing!!

Bobby: Very funny flicking the mud out of his eyes.

(They contiue to trudge along, through the mud which is now about half way to knee length! Then like A Bashee's Scream! A loud Screech is heard in the Distance! GRIYEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCHHHH!!! )

Bobby: What the Hell was that!?!

Phil: Don't know it didin't sound to good.

( In the distance we see a blur of black charging right for our PWA crew. Loud hisses and growls are heard, both Bobby and Phil look at each other with terrified looks and start running like mad. but no matter how fast they run the Animal is right on there trail like white on rice! As the blur gets in closer we finally notice that it is non other then that vicious little bugger himself Ripper! The Furry Fanged, freind of Dash McGregor. He starts nipping at there heels and pulling at there clothes. The dissappear behind some trees for a few moments and come back out both covered in mud, there clothes tattered and torn scratched, bleeding and brusied up. Screaming like little girls! Ripper having tons of fun! The loud noises have attracted the attention of Dash McGregor his is now watching from his back door!)

Dash: Oh! MoY!

(Dash runs into his house, and grabs a stick)

Dash: Jasmine! Its amazing Oy think I'm going to catch Moy First Bigfoot!!

Jasmine: Bigfoot!?!?

(Dash runs out chasing after ripper and the two men, He comes along the side of Phil and tackles him, then konks him on the head with his stick knocking him out cold! He gets up and continues in hot persuit of Bobby who is now off into the wooded area, he runs and all of a sudden is jerked off his feet, he is hanging upside down from a tree caught in a booby trap. Dash comes right behind him a few seconds later, he walks over and starts poking it with his stick!)

Bobby: Hey! Stop that!

Dash: BY KRIKEY!! You Can Talk!!!

Bobby: Of course I can Talk!

Dash: But Oy never would have guessed it! You're supposed to be dumb as an Ape!

Bobby: Who said that!?! Its that Damn Nate Woodward isn't it!

Dash: Nate?!? You Blokes have names!?!

Bobby: Of course! Would you let me down!

Dash: Woy then you'll get away! Oy can't let that happen!

Bobby: Hey, I'm not here to cause trouble, I needed to talk to you!

Dash: Talk to me? Woy Oy must be famous, if even you guys know who Oy am!

Bobby: Well we should.

Dash: How!

Bobby: Well the PWA sent us!

Dash: Whoa! Woy Would the PWA sent some Sasquaches to foynd me!!

Bobby: WHAT!!

Dash: Sasquaches, Yeti's! Bigfoot! Boy!

Bobby: What! I'm not a bigfoot!

Dash: Oh! You can't fool ole Dash Mate! You smell like one, you look like one! You be a Bigfoot Mate!

Bobby: No I'm NOTTT!!!

(Just as he finishes yelling he passes out from all the blood going to his head, a few seconds later we see Dash walking back to his house with Phil on one shoulder and Bobby on the other, Jasmine is standing outside on the deck watching him return!)

Jasmine: Oh My! What do you got!?!

Dash: Stand back these are Woyld Animals, they could wake up at any moment and snap!

(Jasmine keeps here distance! Dash walks over on the side of his house and puts both men in a Giant Steel cage then Locks the padlock sealing them in. Dash walks back in the house. He starts to chop up some bananas and other fruits with a huge knife and placing them in a bowl, We hear yelling outside!)

Bobby:Hey!!!! Let us OUT!!! HEEEEELLP!!!

(Dash walks out with the fruit bowl in hand)

Dash: Hey! You keep it down you, here eat up.

(Tosses in the fruit)

Bobby: I'm not hungry would you please let me out!

Dash: Oy don't think so mate! Two Bigfoot's are a scientific breakthrough Woy Oy could even Win a Nobel Proyze!

Bobby: But were not Bigfoot's were Interviewers for the PWA!

Dash: Jumping Jack Rabbits!!! The PWA must have some mighty good animal trainers! How'd they teach you to be interviewers!?!

Bobby: I'm Not a BigFoot would you cut that out. OW!! and quit poking me with that stick! I'm Human!

Dash: Human! Royt Mate! And Oy'm King of England!

(Jasmine walks over having been watching the whole time.)

Jasmine: Dash Maybe there telling the truth?

Dash: They're in the Ape family they're pretty sharp don't let them fool ya!

Bobby: No! No! Listen to her! We are Human you got to believe us! Here! Here! Look!

(Goes into his pocket and pulls out a chewed up wallet!)

Bobby: Here thats me! Bobby Turner!

(Jasmine grabs the wallet)

Jasmine: I think they're right Dash! They're not Bigfoots you should let them go!

Dash: By KRIKEY! Woy would anybody drsss up like Bigfoots! You Chaps are a bit Nutty if you ask me!

(Dash grabs a hose and washes them off, blasting them with cold water!)

Bobby: Ah!

Phil: Boy thats Cold!

Dash: Oy don't get this at all. What brings you boys all the way down here to Australia!?!

Bobby: Well, I have come to get a few words with you about the upcoming PWA Tournement for the Eternal Championship belt.

Dash: Boy! Oy have had my fill of this PWA nonsense! Jasmine here has been driving me crazy with her films and stratagies! Its a bit much! What do you need to know?

Bobby: Hold on!

(motions to Phil to grab his camera, after a few seconds they continue)

Bobby: Well First lets get your thoughts on your first round opponent Spike Griffen he's a new comer to the wrestling world as well?

Dash: Well Oy've got to say, he's been through quite alot, Oy mean I'm flattered he troyd to have his own little show, but he is not professional like Moy Self. Drinking that Poo Water was a rookie mistake, now he's stuck with doody breath for weeks! He seems to think Oy smell funny! Hey Oy smell just foyn! Oy think thats the doody breath agian you better check. He doesn't seem to be to bad a guy, but you see he's a little flimsy fella, Oy was wrestling gators twice his weight, when Oy was a youngster. So he doesn't look very intimidatin to me. Now what Oy seem to see from him is, that he thinks he is an animal expert! Firstly crocs and gators are not my only hobby, Oy've been tested in many ways, you troy wrestling a deadly black Panther! Or try boxing with a mad mummy Kangaroo! Its no walk in the Bush Bloke! Now to show your animal knowledge is not to keen, you talk about Gators not being able to kick you in the head. Well, you obvious have never been to the swamps of Kwang Chow, Choya! There lives the rare Kwang Lau Gator! Not only are they dangerous predators but, its little known they are also great Martial artists, while Oy was wrestling one last year, he gave me a pretty good Whollop! Crecent kick to the soyd of moy head! Then proceeded to pull out some wing chun! Luckily Oy knew a little Gator Chop Saki! Moyself and got him to submit in moy mangla! So shows what you know Spoyke! Now the only thing that gives me the willie's is Spoyke actually trying to boyte me! By Krikey, Oy'd rather be bit boy a rabid Walabie then, to have him put his pooty mouth on me! Oy'll just need to make sure that doesn't happen.

Jasmine: Ahem! Well I would lke to say I think Spike is a light weight pathetic excuse for a wrestler, Dash here is going to break you like a twig. It doesn't take a bad twinkie to show you Dash is going to whoop you, maybe you can borrow a ding dong from Roland Stern when your both sitting in the stands come the third round of the tournement! I'm going to make sure of that, from Griff to Knight all I see is a bunch of bums in the PWA! Big Fat Losers! Hey could somebody tell what the hell Knight is talking about I mean, does he ever talk about wrestling,, Griff Truxell coming to us from We Can't Wrestle WCW! Thinks he some type of comedian, well I tell you what, its going to be mighty funny when your screaming Uncle! I hope you make it to the third round but I doubt IT! These guys are pathetic I'm going to lead Dash right to the top over these losers!

Dash: Woy! You getting a bit Foysty Ay!

Jasmine: Well somebody had to add some spice into this interview!

(Jasmine smiles and waves good buy, truthfully she just wanted to be on camera!)

Dash: Oy agree! Griff seems a bit miffed that Oy'm a popular guy. But insulting me will get you no where but in the hospital with a broken back, he's the only man, thats gotten me at least a little bit angry. We'll have to see, but sooner or later Oy'll get Moy hands on your greasy little neck. As for the other sissies in Moy bracket, haven't spent much toym on them yet, Oy do know a little though. Snyper well he gets a little pissy now and then, yelling at people but not doing much! Roland Stern King of the Ding Dong's Oy think that speaks for itself! Kurgan he's big and likes to puff out his chest like he's a toughy, he walks around with a sword, Oy think he's lost or something, who walks around with a sword! Can't say if he can fight or no but one thing is for Sure. He's Ugly! Damn UglY! Got hit with the Ugly stick one to many times Bloke, you could scare the Skin off a rattlesnake! Thats about the only thing going for him. Whistler boy this bloke has problems Oy really don't think his heads in the game!

Dash: Well mate Oy'm Moyty hungry, you going to stick around for Supper?

Bobby: Sure, I'm starved what we haven?

Dash: Don't know Bloke. We aint caught it yet!

(The scene fades as Bobby and Phil stand there wide eyed)

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