My Story(Be warned adult message)And Personal. -- Healing Place2

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time ]

Subject: My Story(Be warned adult message)And Personal.

Author:
romancemusic

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 18:58:26 10/16/01 Tue
In reply to: romancemusic 's message, "The Sword Of Truth Is There" on 18:18:17 10/16/01 Tue

This is tough for me to share but I want to. I need to that is.

Back in 1991 I was working at a place called Jackson Lake Lodge. Such a beautifull place to work. Such wide open spaces tetons right there in the background. The most peacefull place you could imagine.
But then one night I had gone to a party with some so called friends. For some reason they all thought I should lose my virginity. I didn't want to. So I went back to my room(my friends where my roomates)
We all went in then my roomate and her boyfriend snuck out. Shut the door. And stood outside. The guy wanted sex I said no. He didn't listen to me. So I tried to push him off of me. But he was tall and well built. He raped me. It was very painfull because it was my first time. And all I remember about that was the pain and not being able to excape like I wanted to. I kepted trying trying, to push him off of me. Well then I got up went to the bathroom. I remember seeing blood, and I had this very sick feeling. I just cried and weeped, and cried some more in the shower. I had no where to turn to. I went back to the room, and he raped me again that night. When your in a situation like that you don't always think clearly or know what to do in a moment of crises.
Then I tried to press charges or was going to but then my rapist friend came up behind me put his hand around my neck and started to choke me. And said if I press charges he would kill me. And consireding how small the state of Wyoming is. It isn't that hard to find someone. So I didn't file charges. He got away with a crime.

Then I met and married whom I thought was a wonderful man. Then we moved back here in March of 1997. My ex started to work for my uncle. Thats how me met his friends. My ex had this wonderful idea at the end of our marriage that group sex(rape)was okay. That is was okay to share partners. So even though he didn't point a gun to my head I knew if I didn't follow through I knew what would happend if I didn't go with the group rape. It happend several times. Each time they had me get drunk. Many nights I don't even remember what happend. And once they video taped me even. I remember that but I don't remember exactly what though. The group rape always happend at my ex's friends house. Just to make that clear.
Then at this time I was working nights. Basically 12 hours. 2:30Pm to 3:00Am in the morning Monday Through Thursday and 6 hours on Fridays.
Well, one night I came home on a Wednesday night at 3:45Am in the morning. My ex was passed out on the chair his friend on the couch. I didn't go to bed until about 5:00Am or so that morning. I got a call from his ex's friends wife at 6:00Am. Then my ex left for work at 6:30Am. He gave me a kiss goodbye and left. Soon after his friend started comming in the room. I knew long before that he would try this if given the opprotunity.
He kepted asking me to have sex with him. I kepted saying no No, NO NOOOO NOO three times. But telling this man no is like telling Bart Simpson no. So finally I knew I couldn't fight him anymore and he raped me in our bedroom on our bed. Although it wasn't painfull like the first rape it was still very hurtfull. I was mad that he did this. And did this to what he considered his best friend. Right after the rape he left the room, I took the gun my ex had in the closet. And I looked straight into the barrel of the gun. I felt so ashamed that it happend I just cried. I felt I betrayed my ex. I didn't want to face it. It was to painfull to face. But I knew deep down I couldn't but it wasn't far away thought either. So I put the gun down. Tried to go about my business. My rapist had to stay their until his wife came to pick him up. I couldn't tell my ex you see because he would have killed me, or tried. His mood swings were really bad. Before this he had hit me once. Well, any how I went to work that day. A complete wreck. Not long after I started to get sick. I couldn't eat anything or if I did I'd throw it up. Then the next month I couldn't keep anything down. I lost 20 pounds due to that fact. I didn't tell anyone out of fear from my ex or rapist. Then finally a great acro friend gave me the courage to file charges. And I did, and although my case got screwed up at least I tried.

Now, I'm still hurt by this. I can't even go to Amery hardly because thats where my rapists lives and works. He is a very selfish and mean person. I ran into him about a year ago totally freaked me out to.

The pain never really goes away. But I have overcome a lot of fear. I still have trouble talking to nice guys. I do better with the wild ones. Obviously. But over all I'm a strong person. I didn't fall apart emotionally except right after the 2nd rape. I'm proud of myself for that.

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
(((((((romance))))))	Rose	22:16:39 10/31/01 Wed
Re: (((((((rose)))))) -- romancemusic, 18:39:09 11/01/01 Thu