| Subject: regarding karaoke for May |
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dax
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Date Posted: 15:45:24 04/30/03 Wed
Regarding Karaoke
May, 2003
by Dax
It's spring! Aint it great! Love is in the air, and that means karaoke. Well, maybe not to everybody, but consider this:
So there I was, crusin' down East End Road the other side of Homer, and I caught myself thinking, Wow! I live in Alaska! Every once in a while that little bit of reality kind of messes with my mind. Spring in Homer is marked by pregnant moose all over the place getting ready to drop the next batch of wobbly-legged little tourist attractions. According to the Kenai Peninsula Chamber of Commerce most of them will be born near highways or within view of RV parking lots.
Which brings us to the tourists, (or vice versa). Tourists come to Alaska to have fun. They are on vacation, and like anyone on vacation they are looking forward to meeting a few "rather unique" locals. Well, rather unique locals are what Alaska is all about. Every one of us has a story. But the trick is to devise a way to meet a tourist looking for some fun…and here we are, back to karaoke! Tourists need a way to meet us, and we need a way to communicate to them that we are "available." It's quite obvious that the common ground here is music. Oh sure, they could go to one of the 231 music festivals in Alaska every summer, in fact they can find out about them right here in this publication. But that's not the only way to meet locals.
The really smart tourists, the cutting-edge thrill-seekers, the ones that "raise the bar" so to speak, will obviously be haunting the karaoke venues looking for a little fun. They're easy to spot. They show up with their "Proud to be from California" T-shirts and order pretty colored drinks like Hawaiian Coolers or crushed ice fare like Margaritas. Another good clue is RV hair, where one side of their quaff is flat from leaning against a window during the long commute up the Seward-Cassiar highway. Confirmation of a suspected tourist is easy, just check for farmer's tan lines. (Tourists don't have 'em.)
Once spotted at a karaoke venue the next step to making a memorable evening for a tourist is obvious. Keep in mind that they are looking for funny stories to relate to their friends back at their private beach homes outside. ("Outside" to those not familiar with AK speak, means anywhere but Alaska.) Saunter over to where they are sitting and "accidentally" drop your karaoke menu by their feet. As you bend over to pick it up, lose your balance and land right in their lap, ricocheting off on to their table and spilling all the pretty crushed-ice drinks on the ugly ones. This will leave the "prime" tourist you want to meet stunned and laughing at their unfortunate and now sticky friends, who will immediately head for the bathroom to wash off the drinks you spilled all over them before it stains their $40.00 designer t-shirt. That gets them out of your way.
Now that you have subtly set the stage, you're just a "Hi, why I haven't seen you here before" from meeting the object of your desire. Sure, they may require a little light-hearted conversation before they agree to a moonlight stroll later that night followed by breakfast at your isolated log cabin, but that can be secured by simply singing the right song to them. "I Really Want To See You Tonight" might work, or your basic Elvis stuff like "Are You Lonesome Tonight" or "Love Me Tender" (The standards work every time). You'll know your plan is working when your new tourist friend counters your song with something like "Afternoon Delight." (Very encouraging.) By the way, if the response is "Theme From Gilligan's Island" you might want to try again with another tourist.
Now that spring is here, and the tourists that it brings are en-route, you have my personal permission to use karaoke as a tool to have a little fun with them, and please remember: 4 out of 5 dentists surveyed agree that karaoke is a little fun.
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