Author:
Random Liegh
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Date Posted: 18:44:27 11/22/01 Thu
This holiday should be depressing as hell for me. It's not, and hasn't really been (though I've spent a couple of lonely thanksgivings in the far past).
My father died on thanksgiving, 1985.
He had an brain aneurism when I was two, and for most of my life he was a happy, "addled simpleton". Constantly spinning stories of his seafaring days (he'd been a deckhand, then a quartermaster, finally a union president) or reciting poems he'd written, bring back memories of things in the 40's or 60's back w/ vivid detail.
While forgetting he'd just had a cigarette five minutes ago.
Because of a lot of health details (he had a bad heart, he had diabetes, and a few other medical details I don't remember offhand) he had to have his intake of stuff (mostly food) tightly regulated. My mom did this until she died, then my alcoholic brother took over the task. This was especially challenging (sp?) because even before his aneurism he'd been the kind of person who constantly ate, and had large appetites...that only increased as he later would forget he'd even eaten. But there was always someone there, telling him "no, buddy, you can't have a smoke, you just had one", "no, buddy, you can't eat now, you just ate half an hour ago" or something.
He had no self respect (one of his favorite sayings was "back when I was a man.."), he had no pride (how could anyone in that situation, and being aware of it) ... but he never lost his ability to charm people by making them feel wholly at ease, nor did he ever loose his sense of humor, wich was very rich and full even up to his death.
So, I think about him on thanksgivings ... a lot. He died, but I never mourned him in full because he didn't consider himself alive, and I knew he was in hell...and also ... he was a gourmand, who died on thanksgiving.
I think he appreciates the irony in that, where ever he is.
Rest well, dad; I'll go back for thirds in your honor tonight. :)
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