| Subject: You can't find a better man! |
Author:
Designated Hitter
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Date Posted: 09:22:40 03/16/02 Sat
(Scene: The camera fades in to show DH walking out of the WCHW Office Tower. He wears a red and black Cincinnati Reds jogging suit and carries a gym bag on his shoulder. His dark sunglasses and baseball cap hide most of his facial features.)
(As he begins to walk toward his red and black, suped-up Ford Explorer Sport Trac, DH stops and casually looks around as though he knows he is being filmed. He catches sight of the camera man and smiles. He immediately crosses the street toward the camera. A car screeches its tires to a stop and its driver starts yelling out the window at DH. Hitter ignores him completely as he makes his way to the camera.)
DH: “So, you thought you would get some good footage by standing out here and waiting for WCHW wrestlers to come out did ya?”
(The cameraman stammers a little but DH raises his hand in a calming manner.)
DH: “Its ok. Its ok. Today is your lucky day. I’ll give you an exclusive interview, and maybe you can use it to get a gig like that John Black guy.”
(The cameraman is not only relieved, but seems excited now.)
DH: “Where do I start . . . . oh yeah, of course, at the top! Shai Hulud, I saw your latest promo. You know, the one where you swear as much as Ares does and then go on to say your pal Buddy-Pac was the better man at Afterbirth! How can you honestly make a statement like that?!?! Let’s review the facts . . . “
(DH takes off his sunglasses and counts off on his fingers.)
DH: “First, let me ask you, if Buddy-Pac was the better man, how many matches did he wrestle in at Afterbirth??? I wrestled in not one . . . but, TWO matches!!! And they weren’t easy matches either. A three-way, Stairway to Hell, US Title match and the Battle Royale for the Heavyweight championship!!! Buddy-Pac wrestled in half a match, and you, Shai, didn’t wrestle at all!!!!”
(DH counts off the second finger.)
DH: “Speaking of that US Title match! A Stairway to Hell, three-way match with Ares and Brett Armstrong is not among the easiest matches in the world! Ares is a formidable opponent, even if he does need a little help with his grammar. I can easily say that the first match took a lot out of me, so I was definitely less than 100% for the Battle Royale later that night!!! And, to boot, that jerk Michael Miller decided it would be cute to come out and bust my ribs after the match was over!!”
(DH looks into the camera with an intense stare.)
DH: “Miller, you’re name is on the list, too. Don’t you worry!”
(DH tics off finger number three.)
DH: “Three, after already wrestling the grueling US Title match, I come out fourth in the Battle Royale match. And, immediately, I am faced off against the same two men I just beat in the US Title match!!! In that Royale, I eliminated two men, got chokeslammed by Hatebreed onto a chair and got busted open with a baseball bat from Buddy-Pac. And even after all that, I still managed to kick out of a Buddy-Pac pin two times!!!!”
(DH looks again into the camera.)
DH: “Hell, Hulud, I even had the dame thing won with a pin on Buddy-Pac until you pulled the ref out of the ring, preventing him from finishing the count! Then, you decide to pin me and hand Buddy-Pac the title!”
(DH looks away and pauses for a moment to let the facts sink in. After a few seconds, he turns and looks back with a serious look on his face.)
DH: “Think about it Shai. The better man won? Buddy-Pac never did eliminate me to win that title! No, I don’t think the better man won at Afterbirth! I think the better man got screwed indeed. But, I suppose its all good . . . it just means I get to add both you and Buddy-Pac to my list of people who need to get their a$$es kicked. See ya at the yard, meat!”
(DH turns and walks back across the street. Another car screeches to a halt and the driver starts yelling at DH. Again, DH pays no attention as he hops into his Sport-Trac. The camera zooms in on DH as he puts his shades back on, cranks the stereo and the song “Better Man” by Pearl Jam can be heard. DH pulls out into traffic. The camera begins to fade as the chorus “Can’t find a better man” is heard. The screen fades to red and black.)
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