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Subject: WTTS2 - 66


Author:
KT
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Date Posted: 21:10:55 01/11/02 Fri
In reply to: KT 's message, "Window to the Soul 2" on 20:43:26 01/11/02 Fri

Window to the Soul 2 - Part 66
By KT
Copyright June 30, 2000


Sabine arrived at the house, immediately noting Michael's bike parked in front. She had been detained by traffic, and apologized to Jamie. Sabine's heart was in her throat as she inquired about Michael and Nikita's meeting. Jamie told her what he had seen, and that he hadn't heard a sound from them since they had retreated to Nikita's room.

"And when Michael saw her?"

"Well, I didn't actually see them meet, but there was not a whole lot of talking going on." Jamie was still awed by the sight of Michael and Nikita's hungry kiss as they reconnected.

Sabine gave a short laugh. "Musicians are like that. They communicate with their eyes. Nikita calls them 'soul windows'."

"I can tell you that there was a whole lot of, er, warmth."

Jamie felt a tiny pang of jealousy. He quickly squelched it, knowing it was extremely unprofessional. Nikita was, after all, quite beautiful. And he was, after all, a man whose eyesight was perfectly normal. He had felt a glimmer of attraction until he'd seen her reaction to Michael's voice earlier. The look on her face had told him everything.

"I can imagine." Sabine smiled, having seen the "warmth" between those two herself.

Gwen rolled up, and they helped her with the groceries. She popped into Roberta's room for a quick hello. She was beat, and headed home. She eyed Michael's bike and exchanged a look of approval with Sabine as she waved goodbye.

Jamie picked up his coat. "I'd better be going myself, if I want to be rested for tomorrow's bout. Nikita was compliant, but her heart just wasn't in it." He referred to the physical therapy.

"I was afraid of that," Sabine said thoughtfully, "but perhaps things will improve now that Michael is here. She was so worried that she could think of nothing else."

Jamie looked at Sabine with softened eyes. "They have something... very special. Have they known each other long?"

"Only a few months. I believe it was love at first sight. For Michael, anyway. Nikita took her time being convinced. This is a difficult situation for such a new relationship. But they are both strong. And they are even stronger together. Wait until you hear them play!" Sabine spoke with great wisdom, not even knowing the personal histories of her "deux enfants".

"I'll look forward to it. Take care of yourself, will you please?" Jamie hugged Sabine gently as he said goodbye.

Sabine decided it was too late to start dinner, so she made some sandwiches and she and Roberta shared a companionable meal. The door to Nikita's room remained closed. The ladies retired.

* * * * * * * *

Gun... aimed at Michael's head... she was really going to do it! Shove... pain... blackness...

Nikita shrieked as the explosion of the shot shocked her awake.

Gun... aimed at his heart... how to deal... Nikita! No!... falling... slow motion... blood...

Michael woke with a start and rolled off the bed onto his feet as his instincts registered danger.

They stared at each other, hearts racing, as the images faded. Silence.

Michael slowly climbed back onto the bed and lay down on his side, his head propped up on his elbow, his other hand smoothing the hair back from Nikita's forehead. She looked at him, her expression fearful. His eyes were a cloudy pale green.

"You too?" he said softly.

His hand moved over her cheek and she covered it with hers. Their fingers entwined.

"Me too," she whispered. She kissed the palm of his hand very delicately. Their troubled thoughts flowed back and forth between them, as their fingers tightened. "I haven't yet slept through the night."

"Neither have I. Well, except for last night. After I saw you, I finally was able to sleep for a few hours." His glance strayed to her night table. She must have read his note. "I was beside myself all day at work. Couldn't concentrate on anything. I was a beast conducting the sectional. I don't think I made any permanent enemies, but it may take the players a while to forgive me."

Nikita mustered a half smile, but knew that the time for small talk was over. Michael waited.

"The doctors said this was only temporary. That the bruise to my brain would heal and I should have no after effects." She spoke earnestly, but her eyes betrayed her doubts lurking just under the surface.

Michael saw her uncertainty, but this news was better than he had expected. "So, we just wait. You eat and rest and do whatever it is they want you to do, and time will take care of the rest."

Nikita's emotions boiled over. "Oh, Michael." Her voice was an anguished whisper as her eyes filled with tears. "Do you really think it will be as simple as that? What if... what if I..."

He saw her fear and frustration, her disappointment as she struggled to come to terms with this great adversity. His own whisper was terse. "Nikita. You cannot think like that."

"You... you sound like Sabine. She told me she would never allow me to... admit defeat." Her voice broke softly.

"And she's right. You must not believe for even a minute that you won't recover. You're stronger than you think. Your life has made you strong. And... you have me."

All at once, Michael became very quiet.

"What?"

Michael's eyes bored into hers as he took a deep breath. "You couldn't trust me enough to tell me?"

Nikita had to look away from his intense gaze as he called her bluff. The hurt she saw there was too much. She was the cause. She tried to speak, but no words came.

Nikita's feelings were so mixed up. How could she blame Michael for her condition when it was her choice to do what she did? Even if he had some connection to Karen Kent, she couldn't let her shoot him! Would she have done the same thing again, knowing how dire the consequences might be? Her age-old fears welled up to plague her, just when she thought she had conquered them through her love for Michael. The agony of her turmoil showed plainly on her face.

Michael's feelings were not confused. He blamed himself for Nikita's dilemma, in spite of what O'Brien had advised, and for bringing these terrible events into her mother's house. Roberta, Sabine, and Gwen had been put in grave danger as a result of his careless actions in regard to Karen. A man had died a horrible death and the Symphony had suffered both his loss and public scrutiny.

A revelation surged through Michael. This had nothing to do with trust.

Michael tucked his finger under her chin, forcing Nikita to turn her face toward him, but her eyes remained averted. It didn't make sense. If she could survive the calamities of her childhood, why couldn't she defy this as well? Could it be that she thought that she somehow deserved this? That that was the lesson she had learned from all her hardships?

It was not possible. Determination blossomed in him as it never had before. He would not let her sink, not let her give in and give up.

"'Kita." The gravity and tenderness of his tone pressed upon her heart. "Look at me."

It took an appreciable minute, but at last, she lifted her eyes to his. Michael's heart trembled a little when he saw the depth of her despair. He would have to be very careful.

"I know what it's like to be at the bottom of my pit. Do you know what I went through when you were in the operating room? I could think only that everyone I've ever loved has been taken from me. And now, would you be taken too? Because of me?"

Michael searched her eyes as he spoke, hoping for a positive reaction to his confession. "In the end, all I could do was pray. I had to accept that the outcome was in the hands of God. I had to accept the possiblity that I might have to live the rest of my life without you."

His heart froze as Nikita's face suddenly congealed and her eyes lost their focus.

"You still might."

Her cynical words pierced him through, but he kept his sore heart hidden. It was just too soon. She wasn't ready to hear what he had to say. His fingers fluttered over her cheek, and he leaned forward and placed a light kiss on her forehead, wishing he could just make it all go away with a wave of his hand. Michael sighed... his child-like wish would have made him laugh under different circumstances.

If he could bear the pain of learning about her past, then he could bear anything. Even this. Especially this. Michael put his pain away as he forgave her cruelty. He knew she was hurting. And scared. And worried about Roberta.

"No, I won't," was his simple reply. "Ever." This was where he wanted to be. Forever.

He knew a way to retrieve her soul. Music was the key. He had a plan. Tomorrow...

Michael quietly removed Nikita's nightgown and his clothes, and slid his body next to hers, pulling the covers over them. She sighed as he snaked his arm around her, resting her head in the crook of his neck, her cheek against his chest. Her palm pressed against the hard flat of his belly. She looked up to find his eyes burning into hers as his body responded to her touch.

Michael's breathing slowed as he reveled in her touch. He leaned his face into hers and kissed her possessively. Nikita returned his kiss with a tender one.

Her heart still ached, but Michael's words played over and over in her head. 'I had to accept'... She would try.

* * * * * * * *

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