Oooh.. -- The Posting School

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Date Posted: 13:32:37 03/18/02 Mon
Author: Badhbh
Subject: Oooh..
In reply to: Elly 's message, "err... ok!" on 06:38:32 03/18/02 Mon

Very Nice! Can't complain really.. I'll give you some suggestions but from what I read you don't *really* need us.
(now this is SIMPLY my opinion, some of the other guardians may dissagree.. you just pick the suggestions you like)
First...
You could use a few less apostrophes.. One or two should be good but it makes it slightly hard to understand if there are too many and especially so if they are close together. the 'er you have to be careful of because it can be taken as a few words which
sound similar.
Second..
Nothing big... flint is used twice. If you can choose a different word.. hoof, foot, horn.. that would help you get away from repetitiveness. Personally, I occasionally do the same.. just take a quick look over your message before you post and if you see two descriptive words in the same paragraph... think about changing it.
(also, note 'blood' is repeated a few times.. it reads alright and it is nothing to complain about.. but you just might think about finding another description word.)

Hmm... 'her own velveteen' is a bit confusing.. do you mean her coat in general or her muzzle.. Velveteen is an adjective.. needs a noun somewhere nearby. (so make it velveteen nares... velveteen pelt.. whatever you like..)

I think that is about it... but you are really quite good and I was being picky.
;o)
Any questions about that evaluation?
(oh and you mentioned a vocab list.. what kind of words were you looking for? Color, appearance, personality..?)

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Replies:

thankies :)>>> -- Elly, 00:39:11 03/19/02 Tue
- Suggestions -- Badhbh, 15:49:45 03/19/02 Tue