Keeping My Distance -- The Fiercest Calm

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Date Posted: 21:19:49 07/04/03 Fri
Author: Girl
Subject: Keeping My Distance

I'm trying to be apprehensive
Trying to keep my distance
Not let my emotions get carried away
And not get too attached
If I let myself get involved,
I'm setting my heart up to get broken
I'm giving you power to hurt me
And power to let me down
If I stay emotionally distant
I take away all power from you
Acting like I dont care is one thing
Not caring is something else
I wish I didn't care
Constant pep talks are all I need
Convincing myself you don't control me
But the truth is, sometimes you do
I want you to be in my life
But I want you to want me in your life
Sometimes I feel like a burden
You say thats absurd
But still, the feeling stands
The sighs
The short answers
You make me feel like I'm bugging you
And two minutes later
You give me butterflies
I feel like I'm floating . . .
And when I come back to you
Again - feeling like a burden
It's a roller coaster ride that I dont want to be on
Everytime you act differently
I have to wonder if feelings have changed
I am so insecure about you
That is the reason for my apprehensivenss
To not know when you could suddenly change your mind
You've been known to do that
So far you've always come back to convince me
You care
It's only some of the time,
Not even most of the time,
That I feel you want me around
Maybe it's partly because I still feel guilty
You don't trust me yet
Well I don't trust your emotions
How can this work?
How can I go on feeling like this?
I wish I could talk to you
But when we talk about this situation,
I feel like you feel like you're repeating yourself
We have this conversation often
You always say the same things
I feel like I'm annoying you because I need reassurance
I need reassurance you still care
I need you to tell me that you want me around
That I don't annoy you, like I feel I do sometimes
I want you to want me
Like I want you

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