Her -- The Fiercest Calm

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Date Posted: 20:33:51 12/28/03 Sun
Author: Girle
Subject: Her

Looking off into the distance,
I see you - with her.
Rage fills my mind, my heart, my soul.
Bitterness overcomes me.
To see you with her,
You touching her face,
Even holding her hand.
I cannot take it, not one second of it.
The anger and tears build up inside of me,
Fighting over dominance of my heart
Angrily crying, it makes no sense.
Catching wandering teardrops,
Teardrops that fall at random sparks.
While second by second,
My heart races faster and faster.
My blood pounding louder in my ear.
The longer I watch you stroke her hair,
Linger your lips on hers, take her hand.
Where did we go wrong?
The question is out of place, it no longer matters.
You aren't touching me anymore.
Just her - while she smiles sweetly.
That heavenly face,
The irritating perfection that lies in her smile.
The perfection that I don't carry.
One more reason for me to hate her.
I hate her.
You're looking towards me now,
Our eyes meeting in the distance.
They are clamped on each other for but a minute.
The smile that I love draped across your face.
I forget all about that tramp standing next to you
And I focus on you.
I focus all my love and energy into your direction,
Hoping you'll catch some of it into your heart.
The anger slowly fades away from my face,
My furrowed brow relieved, and I half-smile.
No longer than a minute and a blank stranger breaks the stare.
As he passes and my hopeful face looks for you again . . .
Your back is turned
With your arm wrapped around hers.
I'm left in the openness.
The emptyness around me consumes me.
There is so much space, yet I'm feeling claustrophobic.
I cannot breathe and you slip away from sight,
Becoming smaller as you walk away,
Until I can see you no longer.
I'm still trying to catch my breath, yet I cannot.
What's happening?
The people around me start to come out of focus
Everything is white, and now black.
Sitting straight up, sweat streaming down my back and face,
I look to my right.
There you are, sound asleep.
Slipping my cold hand into yours,
I rest my head on your broad shoulder.
Still asleep, you lift your arm up around me and hold me tight.
We lay as close as our skin allows and I hear your heart in your chest.
It is slow and steady, contrasting to mine which is racing.
Relief fills my soul and the blood in my ears dies down,
One reason for the commotion in my head.
I love you.
The silence of your arms secure around me in the night
Reassures me of the same.

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