Re: Why is it so hard? -- RSQUBF discussion forum

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Date Posted: 15:55:14 10/15/04 Fri
Author: Nick T.
Subject: Re: Why is it so hard?
In reply to: former 's message, "Why is it so hard?" on 12:23:46 10/13/04 Wed

I think there is a very good explanatin of why it is virtually impossible for ubfins who abused us to say they are sorry. I want to cut and paste from an abcnews.com article that discusses coaches who have abused their young students. There have been many cases of an adult coach who sexually molested a young woman. There is a definite psychological component at work here. I have believed for a number of years now that ubf is basically a psychological organization, not a spititual one. The reason they never apologize is that they have received any punishment for their bad behavior, at least not yet. It also shows they don't fear God.

here is some of the article

Shull, now 22 years old, said she enjoyed a close relationship with Hicks. "I wanted him to accept me and like me as a person, not only as a gymnast. We really had more of a father-daughter bond."

That was until the night that 40-year-old Hicks climbed into bed with the then-15-year-old Shull, and molested her.

"I was in a hotel room because we were at nationals. I opened my eyes to see Ted there and I'm horrified. I don't know what to do and I don't know where to go. I'm 16 hours from home, alone in a hotel room," she said.

On numerous occasions over the next few years, often during travels to gymnastics tournaments, Hicks would molest Shull. To keep her silent, he manipulated Shull into blaming herself for the abuse.

Shull said, "He told me it was my fault: 'God only gives you what you want' � and I believed that wholeheartedly. I had so much respect for him."

Young athletes often idolize, even worship, their coaches, but a small minority of coaches exploit those feelings, sexually abusing minors entrusted to their care. It's become every parent's nightmare.

That was the bad actions by the trusted figure of authority. To me, this is perfectly analogous to our desire to be liked and accepted by these ubfKoreans. But we were frequently abused by those we trusted. And we were always lied to by them, and they always blamed us for the abuse. At ubf we were constantly taught to idolize the leadership. This was not our idea, this was their idea. But thye turned it around and used it to blame us as if we decided to idolize them.

Here is the another part of the article.

Duryea recalls how her relationship with her basketball coach, Tony Giles, changed from coaching to abuse. She said he began with compliments about her playing and gradually began to compliment her on her looks and personality.

Psychologists call this behavior "grooming."

Duryea said she and Giles had had sex by the time she was 13.

Bryan was 14 when her tae kwon do instructor, Jonathan Novy, stuck his hand down her shirt. Weeks later, Novy had sex with her in a stairwell.

"He said kissing was too personal," Bryan said, "but he was raping me by the time I was 14."

Rice was a soccer standout whose club coach, Dennis Jones, began grooming her at 15 and had unprotected intercourse with her at 16.

Out of fear and shame, each of these young women kept their abuse a secret for months, even years � even as they saw their coaches start the grooming process with younger teammates.

Both Bryan and Shull said they continued to keep quiet and let their coaches abuse them, hoping that might keep their coaches from abusing other girls.

"That's probably the worst part," Shull said, "because I feel like it's my fault that I didn't say anything that this child also had to go through what I did."

Bryan was referring to a younger victim, who was the first to report Hicks' abuse.

and another

Like Shull and the other young women, Schiefelbein "groomed" Becca with extra attention and compliments. Becca said, "He told me, 'You're my favorite.' � Then he started treating me differently than all the other girls. He would bring me candy bars. And he'd be like, 'Don't show anybody this, it's your candy bar.' "

There was a steady stream of gifts for Becca, but with the gifts came the sexual abuse.

the entire article is here at

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/News/story?id=165510&page=1

Mike K. said what goes on at ubf is a form of spiritual rape. He is correct.

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