Taking a relationship's daily temperature. -- ECOSUSTAINABLE COMMUNITY

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Subject: Taking a relationship's daily temperature.

Author:
Virginia Satir
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Date Posted: 03/19/03 1:12
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Taking a relationship's daily temperature.

The 'daily temperature reading' was created by Virginia Satir as way of helping us to communicate in a clear, sustained way - sharing ourselves with those we care about. Many people find this is the most important technique they have for maintaining a whole variety of relationships: with partners, family, work colleagues, etc.

Take a daily temperature reading on each other. This is an important way of developing a more open communication in your relationship. You'll evolve your own style, but here's a format to begin with. It is important for both people to cover each area before moving on to the next. The acronym 'ADORE' may help make the following five areas more memorable.

'We have to learn to accept appreciation, rather than deflect it with pooh-poohing modesty'
(1) A is for Appreciation: When you see something in your partner you Appreciate, express it - whether by words or gestures. Being appreciated is an important element in our self-esteem - so we have to learn to accept it, rather than deflect it with pooh-poohing modesty. It is also important to know just what it is we are appreciated for.

(2) D is for Data and new information: Intimacy thrives when partners know what is going on in one another's lives, so give your partner all the needed Data, keep your partner up to date on anything, trivial or important, that is going on in your life.

(3) O is for Obstacles and puzzles: If there is any Obstacle blocking your understanding of each other or that your partner could clarify, ASK about it - whether it concerns a mood, a plan, expenditure, whatever.

(4) R is for Recommendations and Complaints: If you have a Recommendation or complaint, state it clearly, be specific, and explain what you are asking for instead.

(5) E is for Expectations, wishes, hopes and dreams: The more each partner manages to make the other aware of his or her Expectations, the greater the possibility of arriving at an accord and of bringing hopes and dreams into convergence.

One final point - you don't have to cover all five areas every day, but if you have something to say in an area, say it.

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> >Taking a relationship's daily temperature. > >The 'daily temperature reading' was created by >Virginia Satir as way of helping us to communicate in >a clear, sustained way - sharing ourselves with those >we care about. Many people find this is the most >important technique they have for maintaining a whole >variety of relationships: with partners, family, work >colleagues, etc. > >Take a daily temperature reading on each other. This >is an important way of developing a more open >communication in your relationship. You'll evolve your >own style, but here's a format to begin with. It is >important for both people to cover each area before >moving on to the next. The acronym 'ADORE' may help >make the following five areas more memorable. > > >'We have to learn to accept appreciation, rather than >deflect it with pooh-poohing modesty' >(1) A is for Appreciation: When you see something in >your partner you Appreciate, express it - whether by >words or gestures. Being appreciated is an important >element in our self-esteem - so we have to learn to >accept it, rather than deflect it with pooh-poohing >modesty. It is also important to know just what it is >we are appreciated for. > >(2) D is for Data and new information: Intimacy >thrives when partners know what is going on in one >another's lives, so give your partner all the needed >Data, keep your partner up to date on anything, >trivial or important, that is going on in your life. > >(3) O is for Obstacles and puzzles: If there is any >Obstacle blocking your understanding of each other or >that your partner could clarify, ASK about it - >whether it concerns a mood, a plan, expenditure, >whatever. > >(4) R is for Recommendations and Complaints: If you >have a Recommendation or complaint, state it clearly, >be specific, and explain what you are asking for >instead. > >(5) E is for Expectations, wishes, hopes and dreams: >The more each partner manages to make the other aware >of his or her Expectations, the greater the >possibility of arriving at an accord and of bringing >hopes and dreams into convergence. > >One final point - you don't have to cover all five >areas every day, but if you have something to say in >an area, say it.
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