Nobody wins... -- Realistic Dreams: The Future: The Common

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Date Posted: 23:01:55 01/13/04 Tue
Author: McKenzi
Subject: Nobody wins...

Sometimes love don't work out
No matter how hard you try
Lord knows we didn't start out to say goodbye
If it's a win-win situation,
Then why am I feelin' so blue?
You win, I win, we lose.
You take yours, I'll take mine
We'll leave nothin' but the memories behind
Of a love, and of dreams
That just somehow faded with time
You say you're goin' your way
And I'm goin' somewhere too
You win, I win, we lose.

She made her way to a corner booth, ordering a cup of cafe mocha and a muffin, picking at it absently as she waited on him. Her eyes drifted to her small wrist, the diamond bracelet that she rarely took off catching the light. For a moment she contemplated taking it off but decided not to worry about it - he probably wouldn't even it notice it, much less think of any significance behind her still wearing it.

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Replies:

He arrived when he'd said he would be there, and found her easily in the corner. He slid in opposite her, taking off his jacket, and eyeing her eating habit. (NT) -- Kev, 23:04:39 01/13/04 Tue
Her hands were wrapped around the warm coffee cup, her gaze on it before he sat down - then it lifted for a moment. "Hey." (NT) -- Kenzi, 23:05:48 01/13/04 Tue
He put in an order for a large double double and leaned back in the booth. "So how have you been? What have you been up to lately?" (NT) -- Kev, 23:13:01 01/13/04 Tue
"I've been...good." She shrugged a little. "Been kind of a bum, travelling around, that sort of thing. Staying with Nate for right now..." (NT) -- Kenzi, 23:14:57 01/13/04 Tue
He nodded a bit at that and took his coffee from the waiter, twisting the cup on the table. "Right. And that's working out okay for you?" (NT) -- Kev, 23:20:44 01/13/04 Tue
She shrugged. "I guess..." She brought her dark eyes up to him. "What about you?" (NT) -- Kenzi, 23:24:48 01/13/04 Tue
He paused, deciding what would be safe to share and what wouldn't be. "Been working a lot.. it's just me and the dogs right now.." (NT) -- Kev, 23:26:34 01/13/04 Tue
She nodded, looking down again briefly. "Still at the same apartment?" (NT) -- Kenzi, 23:33:10 01/13/04 Tue
The awkwardness he could do without, but still he trudged forward - he was on decent terms with Leah, he was sure he could do it with her too. "Yeah.. it's getting pretty messy though." (NT) -- Kev, 23:34:52 01/13/04 Tue
She nodded a little. There was a lot of differences between her situation and leah's. They had never been engaged, never been through half the stuff they had, never almost had a baby.... Kenzi looked around for a bit before she reached into her purse to find a couple of singles. (NT) -- Kenzi, 23:42:01 01/13/04 Tue
He noted her rummaging in her purse, and shook his head a bit. "This one's on me." (NT) -- Kev, 23:47:33 01/13/04 Tue
"Thanks." She swirled the remaining coffee around the bottom of the cup before she looked up, laughing lightly as she shook her head. "This is to awkward." (NT) -- Kenzi, 23:50:25 01/13/04 Tue
A boyish smile caught one corner of his lips and tilted it up. "Good, I'm not the only one who thinks so." (NT) -- Kev, 23:52:09 01/13/04 Tue
She smiled ruefully, shrugging her shoulders. "It was a good try though." (NT) -- Kenzi, 23:54:47 01/13/04 Tue
He tried another smile at that. "Definitely admirable, on both parts." (NT) -- Kevb, 23:58:07 01/13/04 Tue
"Probably the last try..." Her eyes were slightly sad - a little bit of regret written on her features. (NT) -- Kenzi, 23:59:12 01/13/04 Tue
He frowned at that, it sounded so destitute for them to quit trying at a normal friendship. "Hey, I'm willing to keep trying so long as you are - and I thought you could start taking Tika on the weekends.. or every other week or something.." (NT) -- Kev, 00:05:23 01/14/04 Wed
She shifted a little, nodding. "Well, I would like to take Tika..." She paused thoughtfully, glancing at him for a moment. It would just be hard to be around him - knowing he had moved on so completely. (NT) -- Kenzi, 00:08:45 01/14/04 Wed
He didn't want to write her so completely out of his life after what a role she'd played - he was a more aware person now, and Arista couldn't say anything about him seeing her - look at the hardbodies she was with everyday all day. "I'd like to see you once in a while too, you know.. to know you're still alive." (NT) -- Kev, 00:11:17 01/14/04 Wed
She shrugged again, "Well, I guess it could work out...." She shrugged a little. "It's just...not..." She paused, unsure what to say, fingering the bracelet around her wrist. (NT) -- Kenzi, 00:13:16 01/14/04 Wed
he noted the bracelet she played with and dually noted that it was the one he'd given her so long ago. "It's not conventional, no, and it might hurt for a little while.. for the both of us.. but.." He eyed her a little, twisting his cup nervously. "You're an important part of the person that I am right now." (NT) -- Kev, 00:16:37 01/14/04 Wed
She shrugged a little, glancing over at him for a moment. "I don't know how long I'll be around here for...." (NT) -- Kenzi, 00:18:59 01/14/04 Wed
"What are you planning on doing?" He was interested - he couldn't believe he'd let them lapse this long before he'd tried to get in contact with her in the first place. (NT) -- Kev, 00:22:50 01/14/04 Wed
She shrugged again, definately looking a little out of place."I don't know. Go visit somewhere I haven't been." (NT) -- Kenzi, 00:23:37 01/14/04 Wed
he raised a brow at that and nodded approvingly. "Adventure calls you, then?" (NT) -- kev, 00:25:51 01/14/04 Wed
"I guess you could say that." Really, she just had a habit of running away from her problems. (NT) -- Kenzi, 00:27:01 01/14/04 Wed
"I wish you'd stay for a little while longer, though." He'd just found her again - he wanted to see and make sure she was back on her feet - she looked pretty fragile sometimes. (NT) -- Kev, 00:30:07 01/14/04 Wed
She shrugged again - a seeming trademark move for her these days. "I don't know. Like you said, whenever adventure calls...." (NT) -- Kenzi, 00:31:17 01/14/04 Wed
"Stay a month, at least, alright?" He watched her, meeting her eyes - he didn't ask much of her. (NT) -- Kev, 00:39:38 01/14/04 Wed
For the first time she met his gaze fully, her eyes on his - searching. She honestly didn't understand why he would be so insistent on her staying. "You must really need a dog sitter." She smirked, her arms crossing. (NT) -- Kenzi, 00:43:48 01/14/04 Wed
He smiled a little bit at that comment and then nodded. "I definitely do. Three is just too many to handle on my own." (NT) -- Kev, 00:46:02 01/14/04 Wed
She nodded. "Alright, I will stay for at least a month to help you with Tika." (NT) -- Kenzi, 00:47:39 01/14/04 Wed
He noted that she didn't say anything of the other two dogs, but didn't let it bother him - he didn't expect her to wholeheartedly, immediately accept that he had promised himself to someone else. "Sounds like a deal." He reached across the table to shake her hand. (NT) -- Kev, 00:53:58 01/14/04 Wed
She eyed his hand for just a second before she accepted what may well have been the shortest handshake in history. She shifted in the booth,her eyes going to the clock. She had no where to go, but she was sure he did. (NT) -- Kenzi, 00:57:14 01/14/04 Wed
"You look pretty nervous all of a sudden." He, on the other hand, had relaxed, and leisurely took a sip of his coffee. (NT) -- Kev, 01:00:38 01/14/04 Wed
"I'm not,, just curious to why your suddenly so interested in what I am doing." She was bluntly honest, if nothing else. This was one of those situations where to get over someone, you had to get away from him, and he was making it hard to do that. (NT) -- Kenzi, 01:02:06 01/14/04 Wed
"Didn't I already explain to you that you're an important part of the person I am?" He frowned at her suspicion. (NT) -- Kev, 01:06:27 01/14/04 Wed
"I'm part of the past Kevin, not the present, and definately not the future." Her brow was confused, expression not at all angry. (NT) -- Kenzi, 01:08:29 01/14/04 Wed
"I know.. I know.." He frowned - he didn't have an excuse - he didn't have anything to say here. (NT) -- Kev, 01:12:23 01/14/04 Wed
The way he admitted it cut her deeply, like there was never any chance for anything between them again. She bit her lip, taking a ragged breath, tears pricking her eyes. "Excuse me." She stood, heading towards the bathroom. (NT) -- Kenzi, 01:13:33 01/14/04 Wed
He frowned at that, and realized his mistake as soon as she took off. He got up, and made to follow her. "Kenzi.. come on.." (NT) -- Kev, 01:18:16 01/14/04 Wed
She swallowed softly, pausing, her voice a little choked. "I will be right back Kevin." (NT) -- Kenzi, 01:19:37 01/14/04 Wed
He frowned and shoved his hands in his pockets - he knew he had hurt her, and he felt terrible for it. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea afterall. "Kenzi." (NT) -- Kevin, 01:24:19 01/14/04 Wed
She went into the restroom for a moment, composing herself, fixing her makeup before she headed back out, looking over the restauruant to find him. (NT) -- Kenzi, 01:26:22 01/14/04 Wed
He was waiting outside of the washroom for her - he needed to acknowledge that he'd hurt her, whether she wanted to acknowledge that she was hurt or not. "Look, I'm sorry Kenzi, I didn't mean it that way." (NT) -- Keb, 01:30:37 01/14/04 Wed
She shook her head. "No big deal, must be to much caffine or something, got me jittery." (NT) -- Kenzi, 01:32:05 01/14/04 Wed
He frowned. "I know it's not that, Kenzi - don't make it out like it didn't mean anything." (NT) -- Kev, 01:36:57 01/14/04 Wed
"If I don't then you'll want to talk about it Kevin, and I would like to save just a little bit of my dignity." She headed back to the booth, sliding in. (NT) -- Kenzi, 04:17:34 01/14/04 Wed
Again he frowned - it was like it was all he knew how to do. "Alright. Then we won't talk about it." But he was too tense to return to his coffee. (NT) -- Kev, 04:23:59 01/14/04 Wed
She sighed, gathering her purse. "Look, I've made a fool of myself, and made you uncomfortable, so I am just going to go." (NT) -- Kenzi, 04:25:47 01/14/04 Wed
"Kenz.. don't. Come on.." He reached out and touched her arm. (NT) -- Kev, 04:30:38 01/14/04 Wed
She turned glistening blue eyes to his - the color was always shocking for people, who being most definately latina, but the blue eyes came from her daddy. "What?" (NT) -- Kenzi, 04:33:09 01/14/04 Wed
"Let's try this friendship thing again, alright?" His dark eyes practically begged. "You mean too much to me to let you walk away now and never talkt o you again." (NT) -- Kwev, 04:49:23 01/14/04 Wed
Pain caused those brillant eyes to close again, her eyes dropping to the ground. "I really don't know if I can be just your friend Kevy." (NT) -- Kenzi, 04:50:13 01/14/04 Wed
The familiar nickname caused his own heart to drop - a part of him still loved her - probably always would, long into the years that he married someone else and had tons of kids - he'd always remember her as the girl that he'd loved, and wronged more than any other girl. He released his hold on her arm, and pursed his lips. "I guess I'm selfish for wanting you to stick around, then." (NT) -- Kev, 04:55:43 01/14/04 Wed
Her hand moved to up to brush across his cheek, shaking her head. "To many feelings Kevin, it hasn't gone away for me like it has for you." (NT) -- Kenzi, 04:57:33 01/14/04 Wed
"I just don't understand how you can still feel anything for me after I'd hurt you so badly, Kenzi." He reached for her hand, and brushed his fingers over hers lightly. (NT) -- Kev, 05:02:46 01/14/04 Wed
She shrugged lightly, her voice soft and simple. "I love -" paused before a "ed" was added to the end. "More then anything." (NT) -- Kenzi, 05:04:21 01/14/04 Wed
"But you shouldn't.. shouldn't have." He shook his head. "I'll never understand how I near destroyed you and you can still say you feel for me." (NT) -- Kev, 05:14:46 01/14/04 Wed
She shrugged, looking away, her voice resigned. "Apperantly I am not as easy to love as you are." She paused a moment."Or as hard to forget." (NT) -- Kenzi, 05:24:12 01/14/04 Wed
"Kenzi, you know that there will always be a part of me that loves you - and how could I forget you?" He frowned again, and leaned back - this was breaking his heart. (NT) -- Kev, 05:26:35 01/14/04 Wed
She shook her head. "I don't know anything. I don't even know what happened between us that made us drift so far apart." (NT) -- Kenzi, 05:27:25 01/14/04 Wed
The sad truth was that he couldn't remember what it was either. He recalled seeing her self destruct, but that was about all he could remember. He frowned. "Me neither." (NT) -- Kevin, 06:23:15 01/14/04 Wed
She dropped her hand from his cheek, leaning back as well as she ran a hand over her eyes. This night had proved to be a lot stressful then she had planned. (NT) -- Kenzi, 06:25:52 01/14/04 Wed
"Look, Kenzi, I didn't mean to bring you out here and hurt you. That's not what I intended to do.. I just wanted to catch up, make sure you're alright.. re-establish some sort of relationship, some sort of contact. I didn't mean for all of this to happen." He frowned - the stress wore heavy on her as far as he could see. (NT) -- Kev, 06:31:46 01/14/04 Wed
She shrugged softly. "I think any contact we are gonna have is going to hurt me Kev, it's inevitable. Thinking bout you hurts sometimes... " (NT) -- Kenzi, 06:35:25 01/14/04 Wed
He frowned again - and shook his head. "I never meant for it to be that way, Kenzi.. if it hurts you that much, then maybe this should be a real goodbye." (NT) -- Kev, 06:43:18 01/14/04 Wed
"Because we could never be more then friends ever again." She stated, her voice flat. (NT) -- Kenzi, 06:46:11 01/14/04 Wed
It was not a complete impossibility - he loved Arista and planned to be with her for the rest of his life, but hadn't he planned the same things with Leah and Kenzi? And look how those had turned out. "I just don't want you to spend the entirety of our time together weighing your hopes on it." He frowned then. "Arista's a really sweet girl, Kenzi." (NT) -- Kev, 06:51:07 01/14/04 Wed
She tensed immediatly, clutching her purse and looking away. "I am sure she is." (NT) -- Kenzi, 06:52:31 01/14/04 Wed
Well that was obviously the wrong thing to try and soften her with. He rose from the booth. "Look Kenzi, I don't want to hurt you anymore." (NT) -- Kev, 06:58:09 01/14/04 Wed
She watched him silently, her eyes on him for a strong moment - just waiting for him to walk away from her yet again. (NT) -- Kenzi, 06:58:54 01/14/04 Wed
"So I think maybe it's a good idea for one of us to walk away from this." He was standing there, but couldn't quite get himself to make the necessary physical movements to walk away. (NT) -- Kev, 07:05:57 01/14/04 Wed
"So your going to walk away." She shook her head. "You know what Kevin?" She stood, grabbing her purse and her coat. "You walked away then, and your going to walk away now. I don't know what I did to make you suddenly stop loving me or if you even ever loved me to begin with, but its easier to deal with it far away from you. So I'll give you a break, I'll be the one to get out of your freakin' face this time, and you won't have the guilt of screwing me over yet again." (NT) -- Kenzi, 07:09:51 01/14/04 Wed
"What do you want me to do, Kenzi? Do you want me to drop everything I've built up since I lost you? I can't do that, Kenz. I'll never love Arista like I loved you, but I can damn well try." Every word she said, though, was like a peircing in his heart. He knew she would walk away, and he knew that he would let her. (NT) -- Kev, 07:14:33 01/14/04 Wed
"Since you lost me??" Her voice was incredolous. "You never lost me Kevin, you tossed me aside and just hoped something better would come along." Her voice choked with tears. "Congrats that it did." (NT) -- Kenzi, 07:18:00 01/14/04 Wed
Inside -- Kev, 07:22:25 01/14/04 Wed
- "Then how do you just make love like that go away and move into someone else's arms?" Her voice broke, tears welling. (NT) -- Kenzi, 07:24:12 01/14/04 Wed
"You were gone off some strange deep end, Kenzi. You know.. the last time I saw you, you looked terrible - you were on some binge or something.. that's the last memory I have of you - strung out. I didn't see you for months.. what was I supposed to do?" (NT) -- Kev, 07:27:52 01/14/04 Wed
She looked away, her mind breaking things down. He was right, she'd been pretty rough off...it was reasonable that he had gone off to someone else - not wanting er anymore. "Yeah, I guess your right." (NT) -- Kenzi, 07:30:03 01/14/04 Wed
"I'm sorry that I didn't wait for you, Kenzi, but how was I to know you were even alive still?" He was starting to settle down a little bit now. (NT) -- Kev, 07:32:33 01/14/04 Wed
"You could have asked. I talked to people around here, the wests, my 'rents..." She shrugged, it just seemed to her he didn't put forth much effort. (NT) -- Kenzi, 07:33:30 01/14/04 Wed
He accepted that defeat - he could have put forth more effort, but he had been done, finished, at that point in time - with the memory loss, and running after Kylie with Dom back in prison, he'd had a lot on his mind. (NT) -- Kev, 05:47:05 01/15/04 Thu
She shrugged a little, sitting back down after a moment instead of standing and making a scene like they had. "It's all over now anyways." (NT) -- Kenzi, 05:56:18 01/15/04 Thu
"You know, Kenzi, there are some mornings when I wake up and roll over and remember when you were there. Sometimes I wish to God you were." What was he going on about now? He was just going to get himself into trouble. (NT) -- Kev, 06:21:23 01/15/04 Thu
She smiled lightly, looking up at him. "Not all the memories are bad huh?" She moved to play with the bracelet absently. "My dad still complains about me sneaking out and spending the night with you when we were like, 12." (NT) -- Kenzi, 06:23:08 01/15/04 Thu
"They could have written the entire first season of Dawson's Creek off of us." Another smile tipped just the corner of his lips as he leaned forward on his elbows on the table. (NT) -- Kev, 06:28:36 01/15/04 Thu
She nodded. "I know..I think my 'rents knew all along we would get together..." She smiled a little, looking down - remembering how happy Raine and Kaine had been when they got engaged. (NT) -- Kenzi, 06:31:21 01/15/04 Thu
He nodded in return. "My mother was very pleased.. you know.. she kept asking, beforehand, when I was going to ask you to marry me." (NT) -- Kev, 06:37:29 01/15/04 Thu
She nodded. "I still talk to your mom pretty frequently....and your dad is the same old tease he always was..." (NT) -- Keni, 06:42:47 01/15/04 Thu
He raised a brow at that - Raine hadn't mentioned anything about talking to her, and it somewhat bothered him that she wouldn't mentioned it. "Really?" (NT) -- Kev, 06:45:32 01/15/04 Thu
She nodded a little. "Yeah, she likes to check up on me as much as my own mom does." She smirked, shrugging her shoulders. "Before I left for England she gave me 30$ worth of calling cards." (NT) -- Kenzi, 06:48:54 01/15/04 Thu
He raised a brow but then let an easy smile cross his features. "That's mom for you.. a reluctant mother to begin with, but now she just wants to be everybody's mother." (NT) -- Kev, 06:54:11 01/15/04 Thu
She nodded, though her and Raine had always been exceptionally close. Her eyes went to the cup as the waitress poured more coffee into it. (NT) -- Kenzi, 06:56:53 01/15/04 Thu
So maybe she'd stick around - the fact that she didn't refuse more coffee spoke to him anyways. "She's a great person though. I do love my mom." (NT) -- Kev, 07:01:17 01/15/04 Thu
She nodded lightly. "So do I." She tilted her head, gazing at him a moment before she looked back down at her coffee. (NT) -- Kenzi, 07:05:44 01/15/04 Thu
She was right - Raine should be her mother in law right now.. but it seemed that fate had other things in mind. "I know youdo." (NT) -- Kev, 07:08:20 01/15/04 Thu
She reached across the table, seeming slightly more at ease now - her features more relaxed - as she grabbed like five things of sugar and proceeded to dump them all into her coffee. (NT) -- Kenzi, 07:09:54 01/15/04 Thu
"I see the sweettooth hasn't gone away." He smiled a little and nodded to her sugars. (NT) -- Keb, 07:14:32 01/15/04 Thu
She shook her head with a laugh. "I don't think thats ever going to go away, I am always wanting something sweet." She shrugged a little. "but I do add cream now at least, thats somewhat mature." As if to prove her point she poured in a half a thing of creamer. (NT) -- Kenzi, 07:16:44 01/15/04 Thu
He grinned a little bit. "I remember in junior high - you wanted to drink coffee so bad, but you'd end up with half a cup of coffee and half a cup of sugar." (NT) -- Kev, 07:31:53 01/15/04 Thu
She made a face, shaking her head. "Probably the reason I am not as tall as I wanted to be." She tilted her head, looking over at him for a moment again. (NT) -- Kenzi, 07:35:11 01/15/04 Thu
He nodded at that and then shook his head as though he lamented it. "Poor Kenz, never the right height for anything." (NT) -- Kev, 07:39:19 01/15/04 Thu
She rolled her eyes, sticking her tongue out before she sipped on the coffee, the bracelet danging off of her small wrist and catching the light beautifully. The diamond engangement ring she had given back to him had matched it perfectly. (NT) -- Kenzi, 07:40:52 01/15/04 Thu
"I know, I know.. I'm sorry, I shouldn't pick on you.. it's just so easy to do!" (NT) -- Kev, 07:45:32 01/15/04 Thu
She shook her head, sticking her tongue out at him once again. "I got another tattoo." She spoke up suddenly, they had gotten their first tattoo's together. (NT) -- Kenzi, 07:47:42 01/15/04 Thu
He raised a brow at that and cocked his head - he remembered all to well their painful tatooing experience - he still had the eagle on his shoulders to remind him. "Oh yeah? Where?" (NT) -- Kev, 07:50:10 01/15/04 Thu
She nodded, tilting her head. "On the opposite hip, this time it's a white tiger...." (NT) -- Kenzi, 07:54:28 01/15/04 Thu
He raised a brow - the other tattoo had been pretty special for him - he'd liked it quite well, and even been pretty jealous when the artist had done it. "I see.. or.. well, I don't, because that would be rude." (NT) -- Kev, 07:57:31 01/15/04 Thu
She laughed at that, shaking her head. "Your still kinda out there Kevy." He had never known what to do when he got fumbled up. (NT) -- Kenzi, 07:59:32 01/15/04 Thu
He had always sorta spoken what came to the top of his head, and he nodded, accepting yet another defeat. "I haven't changed much, have I?" He had resumed the same personality when he'd regained his entire memory a year earlier. (NT) -- Kev, 08:05:28 01/15/04 Thu
She shook her head, shrugging a little. "No..I guess not." She smiled a little at him, her eyes a little less guarded. (NT) -- Keni, 08:09:21 01/15/04 Thu
He smiled a little at that, the last time he'd seen her he still couldn't recall some of their more early experiences together, but now that they were back, it was grateful. "I'm glad all of my memories came back, y'know?" (NT) -- Kev, 22:15:56 01/15/04 Thu
She nodded slightly. "yeah, that was definately a hard experience..." She had been there for him though, every step of the way. (NT) -- Kenzi, 22:46:49 01/15/04 Thu
"We're all stronger for it though." He nodded and leaned back in the booth, sighing contentedly. (NT) -- Kev, 23:00:35 01/15/04 Thu
She nodded a little, looking down at the dwindling coffee once more. "Yeah, I guess we are." (NT) -- Kenzi, 23:01:53 01/15/04 Thu
He didn't know what to say then, and allowed their conversation to lapse into silence.. he didn't feel quite as awkward as he had only moments ago. (NT) -- Kev, 23:09:42 01/15/04 Thu
She glanced up at the clock, surprise lining her features. "Wow, it got really late, really fast." (NT) -- Kenzi, 23:10:51 01/15/04 Thu